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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Ex OW will not go away

14 replies

GirlZippy123 · 11/10/2014 23:01

To cut a long story short, OH had an affair with an older lady who worked for him, citing stress of running own business, new baby and buying a house making him mix up his feelings. Anyway affair ended in May this year (definitely did end then) but OW will not leave him alone. He has blocked her on every email, whatsapp , phone etc, which infuriated her.She has been turning up at his office and one time faked collapsing and got taken away in an ambulance. She has been bombarding him with calls and texts (they have gone into a blocked folder in his phone), texting him every five mins for days on end, like 'I miss you', 'I will wait for you forever', 'I will love you forever' and words to that effect. A lot of them are sent late at night when she has been drinking but more recently they are in the day/late afternoon. The affair ended over five months ago but she just will not leave it. He said for him it was just sex but she got a bit obsessed and thought that he was going to leave me for her and they would live happily ever after. She also admitted trying to get pregnant on order to secure him. I have seen every text ever sent to each other and she was and is clearly obsessed and their relationship was rather one sided.

We have been over and over everything and I have taken him back and we are working things through. Her persistence is putting a strain on things for me. I am also slightly concerned as when they were having the affair, she had urged him to take our the 6 month old baby, saying she wanted them to be a family with her and that she wanted to have my daughter (despite having never met her). She also joked about hiring a hit man to 'get rid of me' over texts (at least i hope they were a joke!). She has also turned up at our house.

I don't know whether she is a bunny boiler type, although certainly seems that way and is clearly obsessed and delusional, and i think money is a motivator for her. I just want some advice on what i can do to stop this or even just some advice to help me deal with it. Has anyone been in a similar situation?

OP posts:

LEMmingaround · 11/10/2014 23:11

Well she may well be a bunny boiler but your dh is deffo a cunt. He carried on with a woman who made jokes about hiring a hit man and taking your. Baby away from you. They had a conversation about taking your baby!!!!! Omfg how can you have him anywhere near you.

She sounds deranged. They. Deserve each other.

Diagonally · 11/10/2014 23:18

Stop checking the blocked folders then you won't know if she's been in contact.

Bidingmytime07 · 11/10/2014 23:35

OMG I can relate to this! DH and I split for a while, he then took up with someone, she knew I had initiated the marital split. He ended the relationship with her. I can't even begin to describe the hell that unhinged twisted bitch put me and my family through!

Your OW....as she has been turning up at his office and home do you have a case to get her for harassment? I would certainly look into it. As for emails, phone etc, the fact that you can still read the messages mean she is getting through. I know it's a pain, but as far as possible I would start a new email address and change the phone number.

If she turns up at your home, don't answer the door or react. If she doesn't go a away, call the police.

She is certainly unhinged

Good luck

MexicanSpringtime · 11/10/2014 23:39

I'm afraid I agree

Surelyknot · 11/10/2014 23:39

he says 'it was just sex' but I think he must have said much more to her for her to behave like this. She is older than he is, so an adult and not a particularly young one. People don't usually act crazy unless the crazy is fanned.

happyandsingle · 12/10/2014 09:43

Why does the man always get of blameless in these situations? The woman is always portrayed as the unhinged one but you don't know what really happened between them yet you seem very quick to dismiss your husbands part in it all.
Be aware that once he's cheated already,he may well do it again in future so be aware of that as well. Once someone oversteps a certain boundary they can easily do it again.

papercliplover · 12/10/2014 09:46

Slap it up him.

He should never have played away.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 12/10/2014 09:47

This is entirely your faithless DH's problem. He chose to shit on his own doorstep and ow he has to deal with the stench. The woman is clearly furious and unstable and he is responsible for her pain as well as yours. He probably needs to get outside involvement such as police but he has created this mess and he has to fix it

Only1scoop · 12/10/2014 09:49

I take it he ended the affair? Was that due to being found out??

Hiring a 'hit man' in jest....what were his replies to that? How sick.

She was good enough to sleep with for a considerable amount of time behind your back. He obviously knows her quite well. What's his take on this stalker type behaviour??

What's HE doing about it??

43percentburnt · 12/10/2014 09:58

I agree with previous posters. You dh is a cunt. He has strung along a women, either promising the earth and his undying love or used her for sex (I don't know which is worse), at a time when his dp had just given birth.

Did your dp use the phrase bunny boiler? Or mention she was after money?

Were the txts about hit men and taking your baby whilst they were shagging? If so what were his replies? They conversed about taking your baby and Killing you, leaving baby motherless.

This 'man' needs to sort it out. I would detach yourself from his mess and let him stress about it. What has HE done so far to sort it out? Hopefully you will detach from his mess and realise they are better off together. You deserve better.

faithfaithfaith · 12/10/2014 10:09

Seems there are two of these posts..

Jacksonville14 · 12/10/2014 10:45

He is an utter c word - for all you know he promised her the moon on a stick. And now you blame her for calling him on it.

Why would you take him back after so many awful lies. You do deserve better - and so does the OW.

Newdawnforever · 12/10/2014 11:04

I'd call the police over the hit man comment. She sounds crazy enough to try something. Get a restraining order against her to protect you and your baby.

differentnameforthis · 12/10/2014 12:13

This is what happens when someone has an affair. I can promise you that the relationship wasn't as one sided as he likes you to to think.

He invited her into your life by stringing her a long & making her believe they had a future. As soon as he is found out, he drops her...yet she still remember the promises he made to her. To her, they weren't lies.

He needs to deal with this mess he created, not you.

And if he doesn't, it would be goodbye from me.

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