Triggering. Revealing childhood abuse.

[bradlirabury]

I have recently told someone that I was abused sexually as a child between the ages of 5 and 13 by a family friend.

I feel like I am falling apart. I feel guilty, ashamed, embarrased and stupid.

Does anyone have any experience of this. How do I move on or begin to deal with it? I can't stop crying.

For my close relative, i think it helped to be heard and have people on her side. i am so very sorry this happened to you. i hope you can get some help to deal with these feelings, none of this is your fault.

I have got good support, but I just feel sickened by the whole thing. I can't live with myself.

Thank you for your reply :)

Bump

Morning. Have you spoken to a counsellor? Or have you confided in a friend? It was not your fault this happened, you were a child. You did nothing wrong. I believe the feelings you have are typical but I am not a counsellor.

A trained qualified counsellor is the way forward. Could you try the Samaritans right now so you can speak to a trained person?

Good luck bradlirabury. I am sorry that this happened to you.

I have access to counselling so I will try that, it is the bits inbetween that are hard. I managed to sleep last night which was a blessing.

Spoke to someone today who said the plan is to contain me until I can access psychotherapy.

I am in a safe place, but feeling very suicidal and desparate. I can't live with this.

It's they who shouldn't want to carry on and should be ashamed.

You were just a child who didn't even know about sex so how could it possibly be your fault?

Think about it in the way of if a 5 year old you were close to told you they were going through the same as you did you would definitely not think they were to blame would you? You'd be disgusted with their abuser and hope they went to hell.

I know it's easier said than done to not hate yourself because it's basic human nature to be self destructive. I've not been in the same situation as you but I have been sexually assaulted whilst in a relationship repeatedly and I know that there's a lot of self blame here in the past so I completely understand but knowing that I would not blame someone else if they were in my situation tells me it can't possibly have been my fault.

I hope you are somewhere safe and secure and have those you love around you.

Keep posting as often as you need to. Big hugs

I didn't want to read and run. I have no experience so am unable to advise you but you have made the first step which is to tell someone. That's a very strong brave step.

I believe you and I am very sorry that this has happened to you. Keep talking. Things will get better.

I was raped at 16 as well.

Everyone keeps asking why I didn't tell anyone but how do you tell someone.

I wish I was dead.

I actually have support on tap at the moment but they are so busy and I don't know what to say I just want to be dead and not endure this pain.

I feel like it was my fault that it went on for so long.i should have aid something or said no properly

When a child is abused, it is never their fault.

I feel terrible for you. You're not alone. I'd like to share my experience with you just to show you that, but beat in mind that it's personal to me and I'm not trying to suggest that it'll be anywhere near the same for you.

Ten years ago I found myself unable to go on without disclosing the sexual abuse I went through at the hands of my father from the age of 4-14, to my mum.

It broke my life apart and I was blamed for the subsequent divorce, was told I shouldn't have told anyone, that I'd ruined my mother's life (by her) and was pressured not to press charges.

But in the last ten years I have grown so much through that suffering. I'm obviously not saying that you need to suffer in the same way, or for as long AT ALL. I just want you to know that you can fall through this and emerge on the other side fortified and in control.

It took me years to get counselling and it took me to the pits of despair because it made me realise that there was no magic wand, no benign parent-figure who could fix my childhood or my toxic family. I had to spend a long time at my lowest, crying, despairing and feeling worthless before I came to the conclusion that nothing could change except for me. I had to accept it, let it be what it was and carry on.

By the way, if I'd been told to do that by anyone it wouldn't have impressed me. It was because I'd run out of any other options. I'd been killing myself with the futility of hoping it would all go away and get better, so it didn't come easily.

You were not to blame. I wasn't. Even if it felt affectionate, or nice... it still want your fault. You deserved protection and you didn't get it. That's a tragedy. ((()))

I'm very sorry about what happened to you. It was not your fault, it was entirely the fault of those who abused you. It is normal to beat yourself up about not telling someone in retrospect but the reality is that almost all children who are sexually assaulted do react to the situation in this way. Being frozen in inaction and fearing that you won't be believed, or that something bad will happen if you tell, is a normal and extremely common way for children to react, and abusers take advantage of this. You are not at fault for what happened. It is natural to now ask yourself why you didn't react differently because as humans we are very good at blaming ourselves for things and finding ways that we are responsible for bad things that happen to us, but what would you tell a child who went through this and was expressing the same feelings you are expressing now?

Thank you for your kind thoughts.

It is just really hard to process my thoughts at the moment.

I feel like when I was older 10+ I should have stopped it.

He never raped me so I wonder if it was abuse. He made me do other sexual things but I wonder. I feel so very scared and alone.

Yes, it's still abuse. And there's a power relationship going on which would make it virtually impossible for any child to stop it from happening. I know I was paralyzed into inaction then began to feel guilty and complicit in some way as I got older but I was still a child. You were still a child.

Is this person still in your life?

No he is not.

My personal situation is very complicated at the moment and I think that that is not helping with me dealing with it.

I keep feeling physically ill at the thought of what he made me do to him but equally I am angry at myself for not refusing.

I don't want to report him to the police or tell my family or anything. I just wish I could erase it all.

And would it be okay to ask who you told? I got the most support from my best friend who was able to invest all of their care into me and didn't feel conflicted about any of it. Family members were all far too effected to give me a second thought. I hope you have a solid sounding board through this horrible confusion and painful fog. I remember it well, especially the fear. I got really irrational that my abuser was going to come and try to silence me. I had a great friend who let me stay in her flat after the disclosure because of the furious relatives calling me with threats.

Are you safe?

I had to go to the police (long story) but didn't press charges because I felt exactly like you describe. And please don't let that be another stick to beat yourself up with. The best thing that you can do right now is to talk to your friend or a counsellor and let all of these feelings come out until there's not one place left for them to hide.

Then you can work out what you want.

I'm just wondering if you're still young? Or if you have a partner to support you? You shouldn't go through this alone.

Sorry, don't mean to bombard you.