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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feel like I'm messing up my life

8 replies

Rollercola · 11/10/2014 18:03

Can anyone give me some perspective on my life because I feel like I'm about to mess it up Hmm

I split up with my exh last July after 23yrs, 2 dcs 12 & 8. Amicable enough split, he couldn't handle family life, had several EAs etc. Now on reasonably good terms, kids stay at his once or twice a week.

Met new guy shortly after exh left. In hindsight far too soon but clung to him as he made me feel very happy. He was (is) kind, caring, funny. He understands my situation and we usually see each other once at the weekend and he sometimes pops round once in the week.

My problem is that I CONSTANTLY worry about the dcs and how they will cope with me meeting someone else. I didn't let him meet them until we'd been seeing each other for 7 mths. He's never stayed over while they're here and we haven't been out with them because it just doesn't feel 'right' to me. It's only been 15mths since me & their dad split and I can't see that I'd feel comfortable doing things as a 'new' family for a very long time yet, if ever.

New guy is really understanding and has never put any pressure on me but I'm starting to feel terrible because I really don't know where this is leading.

If I didn't have children, I'm sure we would have discussed moving on with our relationship (I've known him for a year now) but as it is we've never mentioned it and are still just spending odd days together as and when we can.

I feel like I'm leading him along a path and I've really not thought where it will lead. He loves me & I really love him. But how can we have a real relationship while I feel like this?

I also feel like I'm always letting him down. He doesn't have kids or any real family so he sees friends quite a lot and often asks me out for drinks with them, or just to go out for a meal with him etc. He's always had a reasonably busy social life & now he's met me he says he wants to share it with me.

I love going out with him too but I often have to turn him down because i have no childcare other than exh and he changes his plans quite a lot. Again new guy is always understanding & never pressures me but he doesn't understand the constant guilt I feel. Guilt that my kids will hate me for meeting someone else. Guilt at telling him I've got to change our plans again. Guilt at going out without the kids.

Ive spent the last 12 years since having the dcs not really going out much, both through lack of childcare and later because exh just didn't want to. Pre-dcs we did go out all the time and while it's nice to start it again, I'm really struggling to adjust.

I'm thinking of calling it a day because it's getting too stressful. I'm clearly not ready for this relationship. But it will break both of our hearts and I know he will say he wants to carry on seeing me regardless. He makes me so happy, and he really likes me too. But can we really carry on like this for possibly years until the dcs are older?

Do I finish it now and concentrate on being mum to my kids? I don't think I'll meet someone as nice as him again, he really is a good guy. But trying to keep up a new relationship and look after the dcs is too stressful and I'm on the verge of breaking down over it. What do I do?

OP posts:
Diagonally · 11/10/2014 19:47

Trust your instincts is what you do, I think.

I know how you feel as I had to make almost exactly the same decision about 3 years ago. I ended it and it was very sad, but I felt relieved afterwards because I knew I wasn't ready to commit to anything more serious than what had been - effectively - a year of dating. We did love each other but I knew I was holding back, and when he started asking for more I felt under incredible pressure. I thought it would be fairest to end it then.

He moved on quite quickly though and we've remained good friends.

It's not the end of the world to end a year long relationship. Do what you feel is right for you and DC.

CaptainSinker · 11/10/2014 20:31

Could you maybe see a relationship counsellor or something (alone) to help you think things through.

Rollercola · 11/10/2014 20:43

Thank you. I've been to the dr this week who has given me tablets for anxiety/stress. I am very stressed and can't seem to relax and enjoy the lovely relationship that we have. I feel like I'm in danger of throwing it away for no real reason.

When I think about the future it seems really bright, he's a lovely guy, full of enthusiasm for life, keen for us to do things together, happy, kind. I'd happily have a long term relationship with him. But having been married for so long, and had the kids, being a 'four' and now a 'three' - how does he fit into that? I've never done this before. I'm terrified of this somehow 'affecting' the kids.

OP posts:
Rollercola · 11/10/2014 20:45

Diagonally - how do you feel about relationships now that some time has gone by? Does it get easier?

OP posts:
AnotherStitchInTime · 11/10/2014 21:03

I would relax a little. It is still only a year since you met, why do you have to get more serious? If he is OK with it carry on as you are, no rush. You can gradually build up to more days spent with him and your children, no need to have him overnight when they are there at all at this stage. Your children are old enough to be able to cope with the change and talk about how it makes them feel which is good. I remember being fine about my mum having boyfriends when her and my Dad split, I was mostly fine with his girlfriend too until she was really horrible to my brother.

Re: the guilt. I am with my DH and I still have parental guilt. I think it comes from loving your children and wanting to do the best for them, but it doesn't always have to be at the expense of your own happiness. You are allowed to have/do things that make you happy. You say you love him and would happily be in a long term relationship with him. If you are happy with him then you will radiate that to your children.

Rollercola · 11/10/2014 23:20

Thank you it really helps to hear other people's views on this. I read about people rushing into new relationships and then it all going wrong and a part of me is nervous that could happen. So I'm being really cautious, perhaps too much so.

Maybe I just need to take each day as it comes.

OP posts:
Diagonally · 12/10/2014 00:05

I feel completely different about things now roller (just over 5 years since divorce).

After I ended it with "possibly right man completely wrong timing", I spent over a year deliberately not dating. It did me the world of good. I now know I can not just survive on my own, but see the real benefits of it as a lifestyle. That's not to say I don't want someone, just that I can live with it happening, or not.

I have dabbled with OLD - not found anyone special yet but DS has mentioned several times now that I should find a boyfriend and wanted to meet the last one after a few weeks! I said no, not until I know it's serious, which it turned out not to be.

This is so far removed from how I felt 3 years ago - at that time I still felt a tremendous amount of guilt (it was me who instigated the split with my exH) and was terrified about how DS would react to a new partner.

Don't be afraid to give it some time, with or without your current man.

Rollercola · 12/10/2014 09:59

I've spoken to him, he's really understanding and is completely happy to take things slowly. I probably do need to see a counsellor - I've said this before but not done it yet as I can't afford to.

I really don't want to end it, it would be such a waste, I need to sort my head out.

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