Victim of multiple sexual abuse trigger warning.

[Spaceboundeminem]

I have also posted this in mental health.
At age 8-9 my mothers boyfriend would rape me. He would call me a filfthy whore and a slag and said I was dirty and made men think unnatural things. He would always hold me under the water in a freezing cold bath afterwords in order to cleanse me. He also used to give me a cold flannel to place between my legs.

She 13 I had a abusive boyfriend who would rape me vaginally and anally.

At 15 I took a load of drink and drugs and passed out someone carried me to the bed and I woke up slightly but was unable to speak I remember I was clothed at this point. I heard my boyfriend and his cousin deciding how they were gonna perform sexual acts on me but I passed out and awoke naked and sore.

At 17 I was working in a nightclub and was sent to clean men's toilets while the pub was open I walked in to clean the toilet in a cubicle and a man stepped in behind me and held a needle to my throat saying if I screamed he would plunge the needle in. Luckily he was off his face and I managed to get out.

I often question why I have had such bad luck. Is it because I grew up in a very rough area where sexism is very high?
Is it because I was neglected by my mum?
Is it because I have bipolar and I am therefore vulnerable?
Or is it because I am doing something wrong?

I just want to know why this happened to me.

Are you having counselling or some kind of therapy to talk through what has happened?

I have had therapy in the past about other issues but it's only the past two years I really admitted the sexual abuse to people. I was always called a slag in my home town so was scared people wouldn't believe me or would say I was asking for it.

I am on a waiting list for therapy and got a call recently to say I would recieve a call soon to arrange a time.

I am glad you are getting more therapy. Sorry for what has happened to you, it is awful you have done incredibly to survive this.

I think abuse can be damaging, and then other abusers capitalise on this. So people who have been abused at a young age don't always pick up on the warning signs that people are potential abusers, or don't value themselves enough to feel able to get away from abuse. Hope that makes sense!

Good luck to you, I hope life starts to bring some peace.

Thank you captain with my second abuser my partner I stayed because I believed the sexual and physical abuse showed he loved me I can see now he didn't. Your post makes a lot of sence.

Space, no-one deserves what you have been through. All victims of abuse blame themselves to an extent. I was raped at 5 by a 15 year old and thought that I was guilty because I flirted with the guy. It was only when I saw my niece at 5 that I began to understand that I was misinterpreting my role in the event.

I don't know anything about bipolar - but is it possible that the trauma you have been through actually triggered the bipolar?

Having been in an abusive relationship as an adult, I know he was attracted to me because he viewed me as damaged, and therefore vulnerable. I was single for a long time after that because I didn't think I could trust myself to be in a relationship. At the beginning of my current relationship my poor partner was subjected to all types of weird questions as I was doing the freedom program at the same time, as I realised that being alone had allowed me to heal, but hadn't actually addressed the issues.

I hope your counselling works out for you. You can do lots of reading for yourself at the same time. It takes hard work to make progress - counselling shouldn't be a passive process.

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

I did once confide to my mum. I told her about my boyfriend because his rapes had left me pg however she reacted badly threatened to kick me out if I didnt abort. She didn't tell me there are support for teenagers who are kicked out because of pg. I was trying to get away from my boyfriend. So she technically forced me into abortion which completely shattered me.

God space you poor thing. All these things were not your fault. You have been given a very bad hand in the game of life starting with the bad choices your mother made. You were a child and it was not your fault. I would agree you need some counselling to help you get through this

Thanks licklemiss I know I hung out with a rough crowd back then.