Lied to about who I am? *Family EA & sexual abuse trigger*

[YeahButWhatAmI]

Namechanged as really I don't expect anything from this but sounding off. Mid 30's now and NC with all family now apart from DM occasionally, purely due to my DC or we would have parted ways years ago I think (maybe her choice rather than mine). All my life I have been treated as odd one out, not black sheep so to speak as I'm the only one out of three of DC that behaved & tried to make everyone happy. DF has told me from young age in drunken bouts how I'm not his & made sexual advances towards me (last contact was a year ago when he graphically told me it was not taboo anymore). DM grew up in convent school without ever knowing her DF or living with family so can understand difficulty in building family relationships plus my older DB died before not long before I was conceived so we have never had close relationship as she has always favoured older Dsis & especially younger DB. Heck, don't even know what I'm asking sorry but it's been a shit year with them all dumping their crap on me - don't bear and never have beared any resemblance to my siblings so maybe wishful thinking but how how can I cut ties & move on as I will never have answers.

Sounds horrible.

So you're the third of four, then? And your DF is implying your DM had an affair?

The NC doesn't sound very NC, TBH. Maybe it is what you need.

That's right Arsenic, 3rd of four (and middle of 3 if us remaining). DF has always said I'm not his but when the other two go no contact with him suddenly he wants me around and I'm his daughter, in fact same with DM, she only has interest when the other two not available. My NC is crap it's true, it's just with DM now, no DF or siblings (DF wrote to me last week asking me to be his "agent" to connect with his other children & grandchildren). I feel guilty to maintain contact for my DD's as all I wanted was a normal bloody family .

*of us

Are you getting any help? A lot of counselling might help. Mine has.

I have been diagnosed with MH problems but have never spoke to anyone before as always brought up to feel it was me & felt I was being disloyal to criticise them as strange as it may sound I always loved my family & wanted to belong. Maybe it's time I realise that I'm not really a part of them for whatever reason, weather any extramarital situation or I came along during a traumatic time in their life they associate me with (they have never properly grieved for my brother I don't think who died in a freak accident at home).

My NC is crap it's true, it's just with DM now, no DF or siblings (DF wrote to me last week asking me to be his "agent" to connect with his other children & grandchildren). I feel guilty to maintain contact for my DD's as all I wanted was a normal bloody family

I don't know about 'crap', but maybe you need to work out what you want, what will work for you.

I really understand the 'wanting a normal family' thing, esp for the DC, bt you can't magic them into being, if the reality is dysfunctional. Sad but true.

Quality is more important than quantity with families, really it is.

You don't need all this nonsense.

With them, not with them, whatever, you really do need someone to talk to. Waiting lists for counselling are long. Go to your gp and get on at least one waiting list right away. There are different lists because there are different kinds of counselling.

I agree, this has been going on a long time and what prompted me to post. I've tried for too many years and built my life around this family, especially when I had DC of my own for their sake. But it's not even benefiting them, they have GM they treats them and dotes over then but they have all talked to me like crap & belittled me in front of them so my children are learning to see me in same way - that sounds pathetic just reading it back to myself!

Excuse typos - iphone auto text & stubby fingers

It doesn't sound pathetic. It sounds awful.

Humble is right, you need some support.

Thanks both, you have been a massive help, I really needed to hear someone say that actually it's not good what's going on. I will contact MH Team tomorrow & find out about access to further support. Thanks for listening plus as it's Friday

Good luck.

So your df says you aren't his, and has previously sexually abused you and still makes sexual advances towards you?

Your family do not give you the love and attention that a family should and you feel rejected by them?

Am I understanding properly.

Either way, it sounds like you need to go nc fully and a huge hug. You poor thing. [Flowers]