Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling very down

6 replies

GermanHouseCat · 10/10/2014 22:53

Evening All

Compared to the overwhelming majority of posts on Relationships this is going to seem very silly and juvenile. But I almost just need to get it out to try and get past it.

Over the last couple of weeks I have become embroiled in a few different friendship issues, mainly being let down by people I had considered to be very close friends.

Firstly, I threw a party for the person I would consider to be my best friend. She was BM at my wedding and although she lives overseas we keep in touch very regularly. She got engaged recently and I offered to throw an engagement party for her and her DF on a recent trip back to the UK. Friend lost her mum this year and I thought it would be a nice event for her to catch up with friends during her busy schedule home.

The party went reasonably well, but I am since feeling quite low. I have been left out of group reunions during their trip, such as "last night drinks" which were attended by all of our friends. I think I would have been conspicuous by my absence as her other bridesmaids were there. On another occasion, I overheard her DF in a bar saying "I'm not buying drinks for your fucking friends", a group that included DH and I. We had spent a lot of money on their party (full bar, waitress, food) and while I certainly didn't expect any "reward" I didn't expect to be lumped in with that description. They also stayed with us for two years last summer when they found themselves without accommodation on a visit back. I feel stupid, like I threw a party for someone who doesn't see me in the same way I see her.

There are some other things. Someone else who I considered a really close friend just dropped me with no explanation last year. She seems to be able to just completely cut people out without looking back, I've seen her do it to others in the past but now it feels awful. I miss her. I saw her sister on the train this week and I burst into tears.

At the engagement party, my ex-boyfriend came with his new girlfriend (she is incredibly and embarrassingly younger than all of us) and he got drunk and called me a c**t. It was a very very awkward attempt at a joke, but some of the men overheard and it became a bigger thing. Tonight he sent me a message apologising, but saying that at the party he was unhappy that I made snide comments about his parents, which is categorically 100% untrue. I adored his parents when I knew them and would never say a bad word about them. He also says I was too affectionate with him, which I honestly don't think can be true (I don't even remember hugging him when he arrived or left) so I think he is trying to humiliate me.

I know these sound like the ramblings of a teenager, I am just feeling very low tonight at the cumulative effect of these things. I suffer from low self esteem and feel as though everyone hates me. My Mum and DH feel like the only solid relationships I have!

Please don't feel you have to reply, hopefully I'll feel better in the morning.

OP posts:
LadyLuck10 · 10/10/2014 23:22

I Would feel very let down by your friend. She clearly let you know how she values you in her life. You seem like a truly amazing friend to her and she doesn't deserve any bit of your kindness. You threw her a party and let her live with you for two years and she repays you this way?

Now that you know, I would slowly distance myself. You shouldn't keep her as a close friend because she doesn't think of you the same. Actually she sounds pretty awful. Guess her true colours revealed itself.
I can't believe you weren't invited to last night drinks. Did you get to ask her why?

GermanHouseCat · 10/10/2014 23:31

Oh mistake, two weeks not years!!

I really appreciate your post, thank you

OP posts:
GermanHouseCat · 10/10/2014 23:36

And nope, I didn't get a why. It did seem very casual, pub drinks. But the pub is very close to me and I would have gone. My awful ex was there, maybe everyone believes what he said about me and so I was left out.

I don't want to be the person whose only friend is her DH but it feels as though everything's crumbling!

OP posts:
tiawalters · 11/10/2014 15:52

Sometimes, to some people, it comes a point in life when you need to reevaluate the quality of your friendships, and take stock. In a different context but something similar happened with a group of friends from uni and I had to let go. When people lie to you, make you feel excluded, or don't show the same level of respect and affection that you are giving, it's best to distance yourself from those people.

I have low self esteem too, and unfortunately, some friends are more likely go value and respect a horrible person with a self esteem of iron than a decent one with low self esteem. But as we grow older, we meet true souls who can tell the difference, and appreciate you for who you really are.

UncrushedParsley · 11/10/2014 19:26

It all sounds horrible, and I sympathise. However, the comment about 'not buying drinks for your effin friends' was from her 'D'F, not her. I think much of her problem is she has attached herself to a wankbadger.... Agree with others about detaching yourself, to look after yourself, at least for the forseeable.

GermanHouseCat · 12/10/2014 00:19

That's definitely true about her DF being a wankbadger. I was never that keen on him but he's been good to her generally and was a rock when her mum was dying.

I'm beginning to realise that maybe she's not the friend I thought she was. I feel humiliated, like everyone thinks I've been a fool.

The wedding is next year and I'm BM. Hmm

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread