Evening All
Compared to the overwhelming majority of posts on Relationships this is going to seem very silly and juvenile. But I almost just need to get it out to try and get past it.
Over the last couple of weeks I have become embroiled in a few different friendship issues, mainly being let down by people I had considered to be very close friends.
Firstly, I threw a party for the person I would consider to be my best friend. She was BM at my wedding and although she lives overseas we keep in touch very regularly. She got engaged recently and I offered to throw an engagement party for her and her DF on a recent trip back to the UK. Friend lost her mum this year and I thought it would be a nice event for her to catch up with friends during her busy schedule home.
The party went reasonably well, but I am since feeling quite low. I have been left out of group reunions during their trip, such as "last night drinks" which were attended by all of our friends. I think I would have been conspicuous by my absence as her other bridesmaids were there. On another occasion, I overheard her DF in a bar saying "I'm not buying drinks for your fucking friends", a group that included DH and I. We had spent a lot of money on their party (full bar, waitress, food) and while I certainly didn't expect any "reward" I didn't expect to be lumped in with that description. They also stayed with us for two years last summer when they found themselves without accommodation on a visit back. I feel stupid, like I threw a party for someone who doesn't see me in the same way I see her.
There are some other things. Someone else who I considered a really close friend just dropped me with no explanation last year. She seems to be able to just completely cut people out without looking back, I've seen her do it to others in the past but now it feels awful. I miss her. I saw her sister on the train this week and I burst into tears.
At the engagement party, my ex-boyfriend came with his new girlfriend (she is incredibly and embarrassingly younger than all of us) and he got drunk and called me a c**t. It was a very very awkward attempt at a joke, but some of the men overheard and it became a bigger thing. Tonight he sent me a message apologising, but saying that at the party he was unhappy that I made snide comments about his parents, which is categorically 100% untrue. I adored his parents when I knew them and would never say a bad word about them. He also says I was too affectionate with him, which I honestly don't think can be true (I don't even remember hugging him when he arrived or left) so I think he is trying to humiliate me.
I know these sound like the ramblings of a teenager, I am just feeling very low tonight at the cumulative effect of these things. I suffer from low self esteem and feel as though everyone hates me. My Mum and DH feel like the only solid relationships I have!
Please don't feel you have to reply, hopefully I'll feel better in the morning.