Messages from ex - advice please!

[BlueberryMuffins76]

I split with my ex at the start of 2013. Long term relationship but very toxic and it took me a long time to recover. I've been seeing someone else for a year, and we're really happy -I feel overwhelming lucky that things are as good as they are now. I said to my ex in January that I didn't want any contact at all, because it wasn't achieving anything for anyone and my new partner, understandably, was uncomfortable with any contact - which was only ever practical things about money etc. So nothing since January, and that's the best thing that could have happened. Cut to this morning, and I've got an email from my ex - saying he hopes enough water has passed under the bridge for us to be friends, that he misses me and how important I am to him, and that he wants to see me. I cannot, CANNOT be doing with this - that part of my life is over for good reason, and that chapter well and firmly shut. My question is, do I tell DP that ex has got in contact? I'm not planning on responding - DP and I have no secrets and it just doesn't feel right to not say anything, but I don't want to stress him out by telling him either. Argggghh, it's been almost 2 years, I cannot believe that ex is still causing me problems!

Tell your DP.

Think of it this way, if your ex contacts you again and then you tell your DP, he will ask whether this is the first time since January and be hurt and confused when you say it isn't.

Just be honest with your DP.

Oh and I wouldn't respond to your ex at all.

I would. Not in some big announcement way but just oh god, that twat I used to go out with has messaged me. What a plank.

If this is going to bother you, you may need your partner's support or his listening ear. If this is going to be the first of many emails from your ex, you may have to compose a piss off email which might upset you. There's no need to keep it from him if he can give you a hug, tell you what a dick your ex is and understand that it's made you feel a bit crap.

And mark your ex's email address as spam.

Yep. Tell your new DP and ignore the old one.

You say you have no secrets from DP so you answered your own question.
I would put a block on any email addy/tel no etc belonging to the ex

Forward it to your ex with "FFS - not replying, obviously" as the only comment

No! Not to your ex! To your DP! This is why I should preview...

Change your email address and put a rule on your emails so that every email that comes from him or with his name in it gets immediately deleted.

And tell your partner that's what happened and that's what you have done.

Thanks - I did tell him, and have ignored email. Do you need it, really!!

As someone who has been in a similar position, I'm thinking that your ex will keep trying. 7 years on and mine still tries to get in contact, he has a girlfriend in the country he moved to but without fail, when he is due back alone, he'll find some reason to get on touch. It can be destructive without you even realising. He doesn't want to get back with me, but he does have this weird need for control over me and I'm actually quite scared of him.

It's very important that each time he contacts you, you show the message to DP. Don't delete them, keep them in a file so that it can be clearly seen that you haven't replied. Keep DP firmly in the loop, that way there can be no confusion over what has or hasn't been said. Your ex sounds toxic, don't be tempted to let him back in, whatever the excuse he might have.

I too would think about changing your email address or at the very least set up that one so it automatically goes into its own folder.