ex's new girlfriend due very soon its all really hard to handle please help

[yummytummy]

hi

so separated from ex last year after nearly 20 years together. towards the end it was very bad lots of physical and emotional abuse from him.

anyway he v quickly moved in with someone and got her pregnant almost immediately it seemed. more details have come out re timings etc and i think they were probably involved when we were still together.

due to the previous dv he had been having supervised contact of the kids at his parents. i havent allowed contact at his place as dv often starts in pregnancy and dont feel its appropriate when they still adjusting to him not being here. dc's are 6 and 3.

he is saying now as i am being so difficult he is going to get a court order to enforce contact of kids with his partner. he is also ignoring the divorce stuff and wont deal with financial side and house etc.

its all such a mess i know they will meet her and baby eventually its just this isnt the time.

just feel so upset and stressed by the whole thing and want to do whats best for kids which he isnt thinking of. its just the usual bullying of what he wants to do only.

would appreciate any thoughts but please be gentle as i am so emotional about it as i feel so upset that in spite of all he did to me he has found happiness.

and i may never find anyone or even have the option of more kids and the whole thing just makes me feel in physical pain all the time

i am struggling so much please help

Talkingowl thanku for your kind words it really means a lot

bumping for myself

all advice gladly welcomed

OP, really feeling for you. After years of emotional abuse and manipulation by EH following a divorce for dv and alcohol abuse, it's all sounding horribly familiar. He was (is) a teacher, and seems untouchable.
However, if you are not denying contact, merely stating conditions (ie supervised) a court will be happy that you are acting reasonably while they make a decision. I asked eh to see DS only at my house in an effort to make get contact defined via a court, he took me to court and reported me yo social services for denying contact. When I showed them both all of the letters and emails, they could see I was telling the truth. You are allowed to act yo protect your dcs.
If you want to pm me, please feel free xxx

I feel for you. My husband walked out on me and my two children (11 and 4) in Aug - he was never there for my kids while we were married he was always working but now he wants access just to get to me. I want to fight to keep my kids safe and away from him and the OW but I know the courts will be lenient towards him.

My little one will only settled in my bed and cries out of a night - 'are you still there mummy'. It breaks my heart. How is it in her best interests to be handed over to him - he never read her a story or put her to bed etc.

I was with him 23 years and didn't realise I was in an abusive relationship which has actually got worse since he left. He also filed a domestic violence report against me and said that I had hit him. By the way - he's a police officer!

I have joined a womens freedom group and he ticks all the boxes for domestic abuse but I've been told it doesn't matter it's the relationship between the children and their dad that's important. Suppose he starts to bully and control (or worse) them while I'm not there to protect them.

I know how heartbreaking it is. Sending lots of support.