Time to go?

[Bluecube1]

Long time lurker, gluezilla, hamwidge etc. First post. Having a tough time dealing with childhood abuse. Dh aware of this but very rarley acknowledged. Came to a head tonight, admittedly I was drinking wine. Dd now at an age where I find things difficult to understand how anyone could hurt a child. Tried to discuss things with dh, ended up arguing as usual and it seems everything is because I'm a cunt and a pisshead???

Anyone?

Dear Bluecube

I am very sorry about what you went through and how you are feeling now .

Is your dh always this abusive in his language and insensitive?

You need to seek counseling to deal with the abuse. It's obvious that you won't get support from your husband.

Why is he unsupportive? My DH had trouble dealing with my having been in an abusive first marriage. He just couldn't handle that I had been treated that way. But it certainly didn't cause him to call me names.

I don't have any advice but didn't want to just read and run, and it's late so will be fewer people on here at this time, so please don't feel as though you're being ignored.

I'm sorry you're finding it so hard, you need to try and find someone you can talk to who will understand better than your h, asking your GP is a good way to find a counsellor in your area.

Drinking may feel like it helps in the short term, but it's a depressant and can make it harder to work through things. I hope by now you've managed to sleep, then in the morning you can start to look for support to help you through the tougher times. Hand holding and warm thoughts coming your way

I find that wine makes me a very deep thinker, so I'll assume it's the same for you.

When we are free of the alcohol we KOKO (keep on keeping on)- as in just get on with things.

However, childhood abuse has a lifetime legacy - there is no escaping the fact that when you were most vulnerable (dependent), you were most exploitable.

Reconciling your (now) adult understanding of parenting, with your childhood experiences, is incredibly difficult and painful.

Can I suggest that your partner is not sufficiently trained or insightful to help?

There are people out there who are trained and insightful. Forget what anyone has to say about getting counselling - it isn't the preserve of Americans. It actually does help you find some assertiveness and assurance in yourself.

I'm the first to stand up and say 'yes, I have a weekly counselling appointment'. Anyone who knows my current situation (divorce) is very accepting of that. Anyone who is judgmental is called the 'Mother Component'. She thinks it's a little too self-indulgent.

I'm learning to value what I think, need, do and say. Less so for others.

So, I'd recommend it you consider that as a way forward.

KOKO and take care.

If you're being called a cunt and a pisshead 'as usual' I'm afraid it sounds as though your current relationship is abusive... not just your childhood experience. Some people find psychological problems difficult to deal with in others, but your DH's behaviour goes way beyond insensitive and crosses a line.

Please seek professional counselling to help you come to terms with your past. But also try to work out why you stand for such treatment in the present.

Thank you for the kind words and good advice. Dh not normally like this at all, which is why I was so shaken up. He's very upset today and apologetic. I've taken myself and dcs away for the weekend to give us both some space. Thanks again.