When I met my ex fiancé, he'd been divorced for a few years and had a young son. I'd never been married nor had kids ( still don't) but I was happy that myself, his son and I had our own little family unit .
Most Sunday eves, his ex wife would come and pick the son up from ours. If I was home from work by then, I'd always sit with them and we'd all have a meal. They didn't get on well usually, but were usually civil for sake of their son. I thought it was a good thing we could all be adult and sit down together. I'd often pick the son up and take home when his mum couldn't, about hour and a half each way (my ex doesn't drive) even if i'd been working/ driving all day. Also the mother went away a lot in term time. So my ex would stay over at theirs to be there for him. I frequently joined him there , even using holiday time up to do so, did the whole school gates thing etc.. all new to me but I enjoyed it. Basically we all mucked in and shared responsibilities. When she got engaged, her new partner did the same.
To cut a long story short I left him because of his alcoholism and violent behaviour..same reasons as his ex left him (only difference for me was, he'd been sober for most of our time together... he had 6 yrs dry) As a result of fleeing I left everything behind. It took me a long time to be able to go back there. Iv'e been clearing my stuff out in dribs and drabs . This isn't about my stuff though (and i've done other threads about that!)
The last time I was there I was pretty much getting closer to the end of clearing stuff out. I was in the loft and it was very difficult...scorching hot and can't stand up straight up there (kills the back).. broken glass everywhere etc. I had to tread carefully and a lot of my stuff had been moved and 'buried'. So it was taking me a while to find it. I was getting some bags together of possessions when he yelled up the ladder for me to hurry up as he wanted me gone (this was after months of nagging me to come and get rest of my stuff) because she was going nuts because I was there in HIS flat. I was put under massive pressure and was so hot and stressed. He kept yelling at me to get a move on as she was ringing from her country (abroad) and asking if i was gone yet as she would dump him if i was there any longer. I can't do stuff under pressure like that and it was hard enough up there in that heat and no proper light with no help. I abandoned some stuff and took what I could , just to get out of there.
Bear in mind I have NEVER met her and at that point, she'd only met HIM once after she'd had a two week stay there (they actually got engaged before they ever met! they met on Facebook ,... such is his erratic alcoholic behaviour to be so impulsive ) Also until then things had become more 'amicable' between me and him and we were at least communicating civilly in order to tie up loose ends. (not amicable but not nasty... he'd adapted to drinking again after his 6 yr gap and wasnt as aggressive)
I suppose my point is.... I wish I received the same respect that I showed his ex. Now that I'm the (more recent) ex. That was my home for three years (i was with him for longer than that). That was MY possessions that he'd asked me to clear out (as he can't go in loft, nor drive etc) He'd asked me to be there .