Have name changed to post this and not really sure what I'm asking but I'm going round in circles thinking about this and have no one in RL to talk about this Will try not to be too long or drip feed.
Background. Married for 8 years, 1st marriage for me, 2nd for OH. He has 2 much older DC in 20's and is still bemused by why 1st marriage broke down. We have 1 DS aged 6 and are very much older parents.
Things have been rocky since the birth of DS. OH behaved as if he resented him and I often felt like it was a competition between him and DS for my attention. I get that like a lot of men he doesn't really 'do' the baby bit and prefers them when they're a bit older but has struggled with becoming a father again and often feels he's too old (mid 50's). I found him incredibly unsupportive during the first few years of DS's life. He appeared to avoid spending any time with us i.e. suddenly started supporting local footie team so he would have hobby to share with DS when older and disappear off every sat. He also appeared to avoid spending any time with DS and was unhappy if he had to, found him hard work (which he can be!) was constantly critical of DS, comparing him to older sibs who 'were never like this'.
I inevitably took on the bulk of the house hold tasks when on mat leave, as well as all the night wakings/settlings etc, partly as DS EBF. DS crap sleeper an dI did all the night shifts for 19 mo when I asked him to help out. He didn't really respond to this other than to say we had some leave coming up (moving house). He did then begrudgingly start doing some of the nights with DS, but I would have to ask/tell him, he would rarely offer. Financially I paid more into pot before mat leave as I earnt more, this continued during mat leave and I used quite a bit of my savings to put into pot. Returned p/t after 1 year, and have continued to pay 50% of mortgage bills etc since then. I think like lots of women I have still continued to take on bulk of household tasks as I 'only worked' for part time.
Our sex life is non existent, we haven't had sex for about 4 years. We no longer share a bed unless we cant avoid it (both of us snore very badly). We have zero physical contact unless it's by accident. We also barely talk to one another. We wen to relationship counselling for a year, a year ago. Things improved superficially, I became less angry and snappy at him, not loosing my temper but things have not really improved beyond this.
I feel that I take responsibility for everything, OH will never suggest or offer. If we need to sort holidays, holiday cover, it's always me who states we need to sort it. All of this has eroded any sense of love I have for him. I resent him, am angry with him and quite often struggle to be in the same room as him. I worry about the example of relationships we're setting to DS who has begun to comment on the lack of physical contact between us.
Last night was the final straw. OH did something not really that bad but this left me feeling really angry with him, a completely out of proportion reaction, but I realised I keep on feeling like this and I can't carry on doing it. Effectively our marriage is over.
He's not a 'bad' husband, he thinks he's a pretty good one! DS loves him and the feelings mutual. But I'm struggling both with the practical and emotional fall out if we separate. I'm just lost and don't know what to do.
Thanks for reading and apologies for the essay.