The ex that I just want to strangle!

[sum41sbombette]

Hey, I just love my complex life lol. I was wondering if people could help me out, to save me visiting my solicitor again. The situation is I had my girl whos 16 months now with my ex. He lives 3hrs up the M1 so hardly ever gets to see her. We dont get on AT ALL! I try to make an effort for her sake, but he just throws it bak in my face. His parents are also going on about they want to see her. I have no problem with them seeing her as long as they dont create a problem for me 2 b against them coming down.

E.g. this weekend, Easter weekend. I had plans with my mum. Friday morning I had a txt sayin they were coming to see Em, not even asking if its ok to see her. I said I had plans so couldnt. They then said theyd come Sunday but thats Easter. Rather not see them as we want to celebrate. So said no. Then they said Easter Monday, but again I got plans. They started moaning, and threatening me with bringing in a solicitor but they cant seem to understand that I already had plans, and didnt want them messing them up.

Is that really unreasonable of me? As far as I am concerned, they left it til the last minute to decide to come down, where as me and my mum had planned this weekend out weeks ago! What do people think because its really doing my head in, and sorry this is so long! Lol. XX

Doesnt sound unreasonable at all imo. They shouldnt have left it to the last min to make plans. Why dont you call them and invite them over for afternoon tea next weekend. That way you get most of the day and they should have gone by the evening. That would show that you are happy to have contact and that you arent unreasonable! HTH

Don't want to sound awful, but do you like them? How are they with your ds? And would they be travelling far/how close do they live to you?

Well, honestly I dont particularly like them. A lot of problems brew when I split up with him, so his parents are resentful towards me just as much as he is. There's always an awful atmosphere when they come, which isnt any good for anyone. It takes them roughly 2-3 hours to get here. But they treat her like she doesnt understand anything, which I know is because they dont spend a lot of time with her, but it really gets on my nerves. Like they whistle at her as if shes a pet or something, and cradle her in their arms which Em really hates.

Send them a letter, not a text, saying that you are more than happy for them to see your daughter. Bearing in mind the distance they have to travel, you wouldn't want them to travel down only to find that you are otherwise engaged. As you try to plan your life more than just one day ahead, could they please let you know at least 7 days in advance if they want to see Em and you will then let them know if it is convenient. Point out that it is not acceptable for them to text you only one day in advance as it is often difficult for you to change existing plans and you wouldn't want them to be disappointed.

Keep a copy of the letter and any response.

I don't think you're being unreasonable. It's unreasonable for anyone to show up a day in advance.. esp over a holiday weekend. I agree with Freckle, but can you obviously cc your solicitor (I mean, make it obvious that you are cc'ing your solicitor) and give them the terms you want. I think that even a week is a bit too soon.. but that's just me; I'm not that spontaneous!

If they've made a show with threatening you with their solicitors, then I think it's fair for you to call them on it.

You're not being unreasonable, although if you don't exactly get on, they will probably think you are. I'd send a note, perhaps in a card from your ds (in her best 16 month old handwriting) to say sorry she couldn't see them this weekend but is looking forward to seeing them soon. In your note, try and keep it nice for the sake of future relationship with ds, you could ask them in future, to give you more notice, confirm that you had genuinely made plans that could not be cancelled, etc and that you do after all have a life! You do however understand that they still want to be part of her life and in driving 2/3 hours they want a reasonably full day with her. I would also point out that, again for the sake of future relations between all of you that threatening you with a solicitor is not, at all, helpful. Just remember it will only be once in a while that you have to endure their presence and when they've gone, you can sit back with a large glass of wine (or whatever) and offload to us Mumsnetters!! Hope this helps