Don't know what to do.

[Greenkermit]

I've been married for almost 8 years and have a 5 year old son. I love my husband very much but he's seeing someone else and I don't know what to do.

It's been going on for a while, he spends weekends with her, he claims to be working away (which he does have to a lot but I know that's most of the time he is with her. When he's actually working away, she goes and stays in the hotels with him), he texts her all the time and phones her when I'm not around. When he is home, I can tell he doesn't want to be here. Feel like at times he just comes home to get his washing done.

I have confronted him about it but he just accuses me of being paranoid and starts a argument. Our marriage hasn't been great for a while but I love the man with all my heart and don't want to lose him. I'm about to lose my mum to cancer and I can't help but wonder if he's just staying because he doesn't want to look like the arse who leaves his wife and child when they need him most. I'm left with a child who's has ADHD and isn't easy to deal with, I work and look after the house while he's going out for dinner and spending time with her. Can't remember the last time we went out to dinner or just went out as a family for a day.

I know I should throw him out but as I said, I love him and just don't want to lose him and financially I can't survive without him either.

Really need some advice

Am sorry about your mum.

How do you know he's having an affair? Do you have evidence? I'm not defending him BTW, just wondered how you know.

If you know he's with another woman then you've already lost him, I'm sorry. He's lying to your face, accusing you of being mentally ill and taking it for granted that you'll still be there, cleaning the house etc while he does as he pleases. Awful behaviour. Worst of all, you're now losing your self-respect and your confidence.

I'm sorry that your Mum is so unwell. Please tell him to go somewhere else rather than keep him around to reject and insult you.

Thanks for the replies... I know because the women has a completely public Facebook page (stalking is bad I know) and may have had a quick look at his phone on one of the rare occasions he's left it unguarded. Only did both of those things when I became suspicious.

With my mum so ill, I don't think I have the spare emotional capacity to deal with throwing him out and the aftermath that's comes with it at the moment. My son is already in a bad place over losing his grandma, I have no idea how he'd deal with daddy suddenly being around even less than he is now.

Maybe I'm deluding myself into thinking he'll get sick of this creature and get rid of her. I know he'll get a lot of stick from his family over it too

Go and see citizens advice to find out what help you'd be entitled to on divorce. Go and see a lawyer for a free session too. Financially things may not be as dire as you think. You don't have to start divorce proceedings until you feel strong enough with your mum being ill but you may feel a lot better knowing your options.

You may love him but he doesn't love you sweetheart You deserve better. You should consider separating. For your self esteem if nothing else. It sounds like he isn't about much already. So would it really be that much different. It's scary but you may find it easier on your own. I certainly did once the initial feelings of hurt and rejection subsided.

What kind of man treats their partner like this?

He's openly cheating on you and telling you it's all in your head, and you are still there????

I'm sorry OP, you may love him but don't you even love yourself just a little bit?

Get rid, let him have her all the time, the longer this continues, the worse you will feel, not better. You have enough to contend with, get him out and arm yourself with lots of support from family and friends, concentrate on helping people who care about you, not those who are shitting on you from a very high height.

I've made myself sound like a right weak willed idiot haven't i?!

If I'd discovered this before my mum got ill then not only would he been out on his arse, I'd have taken revenge and made his life a misery but at the moment, I have no fight in me.

The other thing is, I don't want my mum to be worrying about me. I know how upset this will all make her and I don't want her to spend her last weeks/months worrying about me when she should be concerned for herself.

On the financial side... I think I could survive but it'll be by the skin of my teeth.. I'd have no back up if my car was to go wrong (no car, no work) or anything else were to turn to shit.

Poor thing. OP you don't have to do anything just yet if you feel you can't cope. Eventually though you will have to face reality. Before you do that why not arrange a visit to a solicitor to see what financial support you may get if you divorce. He would have to pay maintenance and help keep a roof over your head if he has the financial means to do so.

You need to start emotionally detaching from him and gathering evidence if possible so that you can show him if he denies things.

Good luck op and take care of yourself oh and don't forget to have a good splurge on yourself courtesy of your dh before you get it all out in the open.........

Sorry OP but yes you do, he's out wining and dining her on the family money, spending most weekends with her and you are left at home with a child with ADHD - and you love him?

You don't have to tell your mum anything, but you should be telling him to get out the house, I can't imagine a person treating another as bad as this, he does not give a shit and, worse still, he is getting away with it.

Sorry for your family troubles but please develop a back bone and tell him to stay away, he can't possibly be any use to you anyway.

I'd spend the next few weeks putting money away and getting some savings together. Get yourself in a really strong position so when you feel ready you can walk away with confidence (if that's possible). Use h as childcare for when dm needs you and look after yourself. X

Right my love, what you need is a plan...
I know you say you don't want to lose him ,but you already have. He's checked out I'm afraid. I think you know this though don't you.

I'm all for breaking things down into sizeable chunks to make them easier to deal with.
So first, your mum. Concentrate on your mum and of course your DSL, and begin to distance yourself from him.
Stop washing and cooking for him. Become indifferent. Do not wast any energy on him. Really, he's not worth it.
Start putting some money away.

But enjoy your last times with your mum. She is far more important than the lying twunt who can't even support you at this time.

DSL...? DS

Oh my goodness you poor thing. Indeed you need a plan. Maybe your grief over your mum has made you depend on him more than you should and it's muddling you . The thought of losing everyone must seem too much. So fear of being abandoned is keeping you stuck .but wait a minute you have a son and a future. There are other people out there. Do the right thing for your mum and son and go from there . Don't bother with revenge. It shows you care