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Original poster

Guidance Required

14 replies

SoftlySpoken502013 · 08/10/2014 12:20

Hi

I have been separated for almost 2 years and have been paying the mortgage on my house whilst my wife lives there. I have left her with a car (old Golf GTI 02) and I have told her she can all of the contents. I did tell her when I left that she could have all of the house and I would take on all of the other debts. I have tried to communicate with her by text, email, Facebook, and tried a couple of times to see her in person (on one occasion she just drove off). In the last couple of months I have tried to gain access to my property to see my dog and pick up post. I have been locked out!! We have 3 grown up children who all live elsewhere but in the same town as my wife. In addition, we have 2 grandchildren. I did receive some redundancy money which I gave her some of to pay half of a credit card bill. After 2 years of paying the mortgage and her locking me out of the house with no cause for concern (she was at work) I have decided to withdraw my offer for her to have all of the house (she has put it up for sale but wants all of the equity).

I would love to hear anyone else's advice (In support or not as the case may be)

Ta

OP posts:
Polonium · 08/10/2014 12:29

So you gave her the entire house and its entire contents? But you are upset to not be able to come and go as you please?

And now you want to take back what you've already given away?

I think you sound dishonourable.

(PS And I don't like the way you say MY house, MY dog, I've given her all the contents etc).

skyeskyeskye · 08/10/2014 12:34

just get some legal advice, that way you and your wife will both get what you are entitled to.

Possession is 9/10 of the law my solicitor reminded me, so after two years, I doubt very much that you would have any claim on any contents of the house.

also whilst legally if you are on the mortgage, it is still your house, morally it is wrong to enter the house now. You have not lived there for 2 years, and have no rights to come and go as you please.

regarding the house itself, the starting point is usually 50/50. see a solicitor.

Quitelikely · 08/10/2014 12:44

I think you should see a lawyer. If you have separated then you cannot just come and encroach on your exs personal living space anytime you want.

Why haven't yous started a divorce yet or got anything in writing over division if assets?

Meerka · 08/10/2014 12:47

If you're separated and you've given her the house and contents (which was generous) it doesn't automatically mean you can come and go. You're separated; there has to be the courtesy of communicating first. She does have the right to say No, you can't come in.

Which is very difficult if she ignores you.

What is the cause of the bad feeling on her side? What would she say if someone neutral asked her why she wants no more contact?

I think that some sort of sitting down and civilized conversation is in order first. But you may have to arrange that through a solicitor's letter. Say that you wish to talk it out calmly (and then keep to that, keep calm and civil!).

If she still won't talk then you have a stark choice: to abide by your original decision to let her have the house, or to try to take it or the proceeds of the sale back possibly by legal action.

It would be the generous thing to the mother of your children to let her have it, assuming your financial circumstances allow and that you have enough to look after yourself to a reasonable standard.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 08/10/2014 12:49

I don't know why the marriage broke down and can only assume, from what you describe, that you did something so utterly beyond the pale that she's mad as hell & you're consumed with guilt..... Hmm

I would suggest you both instruct solicitors and bring this to a formal close.

RandomMess · 08/10/2014 12:55

With a long marriage and children all left home the usual starting point would be 50:50 of all equity and debt and possibly pension entitlements.

Best to go down the legal route.

Diagonally · 08/10/2014 13:17

If you've decided you no longer wish to continue your previously informal financial arrangements, then you need to file for divorce and negotiate a settlement. If you're at the 2 year separation point you can do it on a no fault basis.

Original poster
SoftlySpoken502013 · 08/10/2014 13:29

Thank you for all of your comments (even the negative ones). I quite agree with many of these and the common theme seems to be to talk it through and seek legal advice etc. We are nearly at the 2 year stage but I guarantee she wont agree to a divorce on the 2 years separation rule but I will be trying.

OP posts:
Twinklestein · 08/10/2014 13:56

I'm not sure why you're giving her all of the house given that your children have grown up and don't live there. You're not obliged to do that.

I'm pretty sure that if you still own the house she doesn't have the right to change the locks and not give you a new key.

I guess you left her for someone else which is why you're being so generous?

DontstepontheMomeRaths · 08/10/2014 14:32

You need legal advice. After 2 years separated you shouldn't let yourself into the house anyway. But she too should at least reply to an email and pass the post onto you somehow.

Can you start a mail redirection? And make sure you change addresses with all companies asap?

Original poster
SoftlySpoken502013 · 08/10/2014 14:53

I decided to give her the house when I left because I had let her down Sad. She let me stay and we decided to carry on together. However, after a couple of arguments about the future I reflected on what had happened and decided that I did not love her and to be totally honest with myself I had to ask myself the question "Would have I have done what I did if I truly loved her"? The answer always came back as NO! I had to be honest and even though I knew it would cause upset I couldn't lie to myself that I did love her. She only worked part time and that's why I decided then to keep paying the mortgage. I think I was being and am being very naïve if I thought she would ever be civil to me again. I gave her space and thought enough time had elapsed to start some dialogue even if only for the sake of the children. Alas, that has not been the case. I have met someone else (after I left her hasten to add) and we get on great in every way. My estranged wife has found someone else and I hope she finds what she is looking for.

OP posts:
Finola1step · 08/10/2014 14:59

Your next step should be consulting solicitors. If the marriage is over (which it sounds like it is) it would be wise to sort everything legally.

At this point, it really isn't useful to get into a "he said this, she said that". Find out what your legal obligations and rights are.

You will not find that on an Internet forum.

Polonium · 08/10/2014 15:32

As you left the property over 18 months ago, you may find you have a capital gains tax problem now as the government has reduced the 36 month rule principal residence relief to 18 months.

Polonium · 08/10/2014 15:32

www.gabelletax.com/blog/2013/12/05/autumn-statement-2013-capital-gains-tax-changes-to-ppr-final-period-exemption/

The link above explains the changes which came into force earlier this year.

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