Sex drive and tiredness

[littleraysofsunshine]

How often do you have sex being a parent to three small kids?

I feel tired all the time and my dp takes it personally. In the evenings I am wiped out by 9:30. But we need to keep our relationship alive, how can I get more energy???

He thinks I don't fancy him anymore, silly thing. He's gorgeous inside out but it's my own tiredness an body hang ups that don't help.

I only have one and I'm so tired, so don't know how you would muster up the energy with 3! But in all honesty I have accepted that the sex drive has taken a bit of a dive and may never go back to what it was and more sleep is definitely more preferable to more bedroom antics. But I have also accepted that quickies are fine, and I need to initiate it every now and then.

Also we are booking a romantic getaway around Xmas time instead of getting a present for each other, which I'm looking forward to a lot.

Do you have any reason to have body hangups (other than the post baby body) has he ever mentioned anything to make you not feel confident? To be honest most guys are just thankful to be getting some!

I just don't feel sexy or confident in the bedroom anymore.. Not down to him at all he's always complimenting me. This makes me not initiate at all really... He does then I just think.. Oh I'm too tired to! Then he takes it personally. The only time we get really is before bed once everything is done and kids in bed. By then in shattered.

Feel terrible. Maybe I need to mKe more effort despite the tiredness? And book a break away?! Lol

Don't allow this continue. Seriously. The longer things like this go on, the harder it is to get back into the swing of things (as it were) and it can so easily then become a big issue. I know many relationships and marriages that have ended because it just went on too long and they never got that intimacy back and without that, you're just friends. Kisses and cuddles go a long way, but.... Find a way, any way. Get family or a friend or three friends taking one child each for even two or three hours one evening or on a weekend morning if getting away is difficult.

I agree that the trick is to make time, and that with children, quickies become a fact of life.

Initiate it, even if it's just once a week. That little bit of effort to get going (assuming you still enjoy it when you're actually at it!) goes a long long way.

If you're wiped by 9:30 go to bed at 9... That way you get fun and a good nights sleep!!

I just find it hard to switch off... then "sex mode" doesnt seem to happen naturally...Lack of feeling good about my body too.

a lot of it is tiredness though.

dp takes it personally. he loves sex, I use to but i just dont have it on the fore front of my mind after a long day.... :-/ i wish i did!

I would love to have chill out time and hugs & kisses... but then he just says he cant help himself to take it further lol and i end up thinking "as long as its quick" which is really bad. I shouldnt have lost interest in sex! its completely me, he's amazing all round, person, gorgeous. I just feel like ive changed in a bad way

What about lighting some candles and having a glass of wine and talking about how you feel. Not as a pre-sex chat but about him understanding that you want kisses cuddles and affection and not just at sex time. Explain you don't feel as attractive as you did and help him see that he needs to tell you the things he thinks about you but probably doesn't say....

I read once on here that foreplay in a LTR started first thing in the morning and went on all day.., it's hard just to switch from being a mum to a wanton sex goddess!!

Talk to him :)

What about making an appointment in your mind that Saturday night is hot-date night with your partner? He can take the kids out of the house in the afternoon so you can take a good, long nap. Then, start your "getting ready for a date" ritual. Bath, hair-wash, favourite body-lotion, all the other nice grooming things you do to prepare for fun later and then initiate that fun. "We're going to have sex later and it's going to be brilliant". Eventually, your mind and body will get accustomed to the ritual and you're likely to be gagging for it every time you run that bath.

I could be wrong but I think that's how cognitive therapy works.

There also isn't a number of 'the perfect amount of sex a week/month' usually one partner has a higher drive than the other. But I think as long as there is sexual contact and it's happening monthly then it shows there is still a spark. There is a book I read years ago called "stop calling him honey and start having sex" which gave me a few tips! Which encourages a bit of dirty talk and a naughty comment mentioned in tesco/B & Q can catch them off guard, requires very little physical effort but also shows them you do still fancy them.

I'm terrible at initiating it, as soon as my head hits the pillow I just think wahoo sleep, counting down the minutes till my DS wakes. But we have recently got a television in the bedroom when we never had before, and my DH said shall we watch this show in bed? And then because you are actively awake in the bed this has helped. I know some say TV can be a sex killer in general but it has actually helped us.

When do you feel sexiest? You could buy a flattering nighty/underwear/ that pushes up/or sucks in and makes you feel good/or lights out completely?

My dc go to bed at 7pm.

It's so, so easy to settle into a pattern of not doing it, what with being so tired and having so much to do but I genuinely find that the more sex I have, the more I want so for me it's important to keep "topped up" or my sex drive just dies.

I settle them, jump in the bath and enjoy a glass of wine and we go up to bed shortly after them.

Or we relax on the sofa and watch TV and he might give me a shoulder massage etc which leads to other things.

The body thing I completely understand. I have quite bad stretch marks on my stomach which took a lot of getting used to and hiding and disguising before they faded a bit and I accepted them more but men know bodies change after babies. It's 50% their fault after all.

See.. The thought of "dirty talk" scares me... I can't remember how to! Haha..when dp does, I just get embarrassed or ignore. I was fine before being a mum lol

I'm 25 and feel like I shouldn't be saying things or doing things like that now I'm a mum. How ridiculous is that. Just hard to switch off when I know mum mode has to be in tact as Ds wakes in the night..

Dirty talk isn't essential to getting your brain into a more sexual mode. I do stuff like whistle when DH bends down. Or say 'you look especially hot today'. Or focus on his hands (I find them tremdously sexy) and smirk. To remind him I definitely would. This sort of teenage behaviour makes it all fun, light hearted but keeps a more sexual slant to my feelings about him, so when I do get the chance / am not too tired I find I am quite keen. I think it's because I actively remind myself about our sex life.

I agree with seasavage, it's not necessarily about saying something dirty like a porn star, it's just putting a more 'sexual slant on things', good way of putting it. My DH and I tend to use innuendo in a silly but funny way, again just to remind each other that we are still sexual, but just knackered! So the other day we were putting up cupboards in the garage and it involved a lot of "hold this tight", "give it a good screw", "bang it harder" type silly talk. We were actually talking DIY but it makes us laugh at the same time.

Also, what about a visit to Ann summers? Purchase a rabbit? See if you can get yourself revved up that way?