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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The OW stopped my DD in the pub for a chat

20 replies

cuddybridge · 07/10/2014 20:59

2 years ago my DH had a fling, it is almost dealt with between us but the OW lives locally.
She stopped my DD in the pub the other night for a chat, My DD wanted to deck her but she refrained.
Persuade me that it isn't a good idea to have a word with the OW about this. I don't want her anywhere near my kids

OP posts:
GahLinDah · 07/10/2014 21:02

Don't do it, she'd probably love a rise from you. Ignore, if it was an attempt to get under your skin, to ignore her will get to her more.

Good luck with everything. Flowers

manaboutthemaison · 07/10/2014 21:07

If your daughter was in the pub I presume she's an adult and may not appreciate you " sticking up for her"

Has she also said she wants to deck her dad ?

Fixerupperz · 07/10/2014 21:10

Dont give her the satisfaction of knowing shes under your skin.
Also, who does that!!

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 07/10/2014 21:11

Err well her dad did the cheating. Did the OW even know he had a wife and kids.

Anotherchapter · 07/10/2014 21:13

God she must have a brass neck !

She clearly hasn't got over it.

Don't rise to her.

CurlyWurlyCake · 07/10/2014 21:16

Bloody hell you must be fuming.

You know the best response is none at all don't you?

How old is your daughter?

sykadelic · 07/10/2014 23:21

What did she want to chat to your DD for/about?

As for the posters saying "he did the cheating", yes he did, but that doesn't mean they have to want to be friends and buddy-buddy with the OW. She lives locally, I presume they see her from time to time, but actually approaching one of them, especially the offspring (child/adult/whatever), is just not on.

Bidingmytime07 · 08/10/2014 00:17

She's a bunny boiler looking to cause a rift between you and DH. The most powerful message you can send to her is to not show any reaction. In other words, the message you are sending out is that she is no threat whatsoever and is well and truly confined in the bin of history. Clearly she hasn't moved on with her life, otherwise she wouldn't be like this after two years

GatoradeMeBitch · 08/10/2014 00:47

Can I just say, I hate the phrase 'bunny boiler'. It's misogynistic and only ever applied to women, when statistically men are much more likely to actually act that way!

Isetan · 08/10/2014 03:01

Your H invited this person into your lives, he's the one I'd be fuming at. As for dealing with the affair, this unfortunately is yet another repercussion of your H shitting so close to home.

As for your daughter, if she's old enough to be in a pub, she's adult enough to deal with this woman.

Original poster
cuddybridge · 08/10/2014 14:56

Thanks for all the advice, My DD is just 20, so old enough to be in the pub, she was upset that this woman spoke to her, as thankfully they had never met. As DD refused to talk to her, we don't know exactly what she wanted to talk to her about. The Ow is 43 so not someone my DD would usually socialise with.
The Ow was well aware my DH had a wife and Dc as she met him originally at primary rugby, which I went to as well.
I did consider ringing her and giving her an earful yesterday when DD told me, but on reflection you are all right and it would just give her the satisfaction of knowing that she has upset me again. But yes I am fuming, she has teenage Dc too and I would never even think to speak to them although I do see them around town

OP posts:
IrianofWay · 08/10/2014 15:01

I am sure she dealt with it fine. Polite indifference is the best thing. But OW must have some neck - was she drunk?

Mammanat222 · 08/10/2014 15:08

What has you husband had to say about all of this?

Bidingmytime07 · 08/10/2014 17:26

GatoradeMeBitch

Feel free. And can I just say that it's not a phrase that any of my female friends find offensive. And that I am a woman!

perfectstorm · 09/10/2014 16:10

I think we're all so used to sexism we don't even notice it, most of the time. But it's true: men stalk far more, and far more violently, but the slang term fot a terrifyingly obsessive, dangerous stalker is used only for women, and based on a woman stalker in a film. It's demeaning and dismissive. Depressingly, things like this are so normal in our culture that we all use them without thinking - I used to, this one, too. I don't anymore.

perfectstorm · 09/10/2014 16:11

Sorry OP, derailed there. Agree this woman's behaviour is appalling, but she is showing herself up badly with such ridiculous shenanigans.

Original poster
cuddybridge · 09/10/2014 18:34

I have spoken to DH about it and he was horrified and has apologised to DD and to me for this coming up again, I think he is now starting to actually see how his past behaviour has consequences far beyond anything he could have thought when it was all a bit of a thrill.
So in that respect it hasn't been all bad, although I still would rather Ow had stayed away from DD.

OP posts:
brokenhearted55a · 09/10/2014 18:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

perfectstorm · 09/10/2014 20:51

I'm glad he apologised, and sad his past idiocy caused this for your DD and you. Flowers

Bidingmytime07 · 09/10/2014 21:40

I think the DH caused the rift when he chose to cheat. *

Of course initially. And somehow that makes the OW's recent behaviour acceptable?

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