How should I serve divorce papers on him?

[sus14]

Right, I have suggested mediation but he's ignored me. We live together and he is being nicey nicey its driving me mad. I m going to tell him that at some point soon he'll et divorce papers through- but how do I do this? What if I answer the door? I can hardly call him over to receive them in front of me? I m definitely not sending to his work. Can I arrange a specific Saturday that they come? Then I can arrange for me and dd to be out for the day/ at my parents overnight? Ready to do this but being held back by being unable to work out how to do it?

I think you could have a word with your solicitor and arrange for a courier to deliver the papers within a certain time frame.

When my ExH had to be served he made himself un available mostly, probably had people after him for money! But the solicitor served papers at stupid o'clock in the morning as he was leaving for work as a lorry driver.

Hth

I intercepted the post and got hold of the documents on a Saturday morning. After he went to bed on sunday night I snuck down and put the envelope on the drivers seat of his car.

He left early Monday morning and I locked the door behind him the second he left.

In the first instance the papers arrive in standard post (if my divorce is anything to go by), they are only served in person if he doesnt respond.

Ah I am always first to the post in the week as I get home first. I could pop into his work bag overnight and then text him to say they are there and that if he comes home ranting I'll call police.

Trying to avoid solicitor at this stage as no,idea how I will pay for all this :-(

Hi Sus!

Well done you for getting this far! Have you done papers without a solicitor then? Internet I guess? I'm not sure how that all works.

I like the other suggestions here of intercepting the post and placing in his car or work bag and locking the door behind him! Yes to telling him you'll call the police if he turns up. I don't know how unreasonable he is, but tell him you want a few days apart for the dust to settle, you've had enough, your mind's made up and you 'don't want to have to' call the police. You don't want him harassing you either so say you're not going to talk to him except via email and only essential childcare/financial stuff.

Please phone 101 and get it logged with the police that you're about to serve papers on an unreasonable spouse and you are worried about what his reaction will be.

Did you look up and see if there was a one stop shop near you? That's free advice from solicitors - and legal aid? You might be entitled.

These are nerve wracking times, but something inside just keeps pushing you on. When you've finally had enough, then you've had enough and you will be fine - it's scary but you will be fine X

Hi there thanks for posting when you have so much going on yourself! Yes there is a 1 stop shop here I plan to go to for advice if he becomes impossible to live with. I don't see why me and dd should be forced to move out. He won't, I have made him in the past and I know he won't again. I a, hoping he will carry on In this weird flat mate type living he's got in to.

I m going to tell him this week that at some point he will be getting divorce papers. Not done them yet but I have looked at it and it seems ok. I think he won't retune acknowledgement so sure if to involve solicitor and get them served. Or if I can get them sent recorded so he has to sign for them.

It's driving me mad that he clearly thinks we can live in no mans land until we are old. While it's nice to have him disengaged, and it's peaceful, I literally am salivating at the thought of being alone with dd- we went away alone earlier in the year and it was so wonderful.

I will go,and see 1 stop shop before filing and see what they say given his past record. It's probably safest to get sol to serve them and be away. I'm fact I have a friend recently moved to country we could visit but I don't want her to feel,used .

You sound really sorted in your mind Sus! I think you'll get some good advice at the 1stop and will realise there is support out there - you cannot be reasonably expected to stay in that situation even if he's buried his head and is happy to just coexist - sell it like you're doing him a favour, he's clearly unhappy etc and your mind is firmly made up.

I feel for you X yes I'm in the same position and it is very very hard and worrying when dealing with an unreasonable sort, but the help and support you will receive when you reach out to the proper authorities, and posting here will be a tremendous help for you

No advice but thanks sus for asking the question, I've been driving myself round the bend wondering how the heck it's supposed to be done. I've asked WA and all they will say is to stay safe-- I should be in a similar position soon but, should I be there? Or not? How you be sure he's seen them? I'd personally feel more secure seeing/gauging his reaction in person but maybe its not a good idea. Are you going to mention to (not so)DP that papers are on the way?

A friend of mine said that her solicitor sent through a draft copy so her H could comment and they made a few revisions before papers were filed. I like the idea of it being a joint effort. But that depends on the situation, I suppose! I'll be getting a draft petition through tomorrow by email. I was actually thinking or forwarding it to him. I couldn't serve them to him at work like name did as H's work is too erratic, but if you can it does seem a good idea!

Glad you've disengaged, keep your eyes on the future, with DD in your own cozy space!

We'll I work 3 days so I try and spend one of my free days progressing this. Very slowly with a non compliant partner! I need to apply for a job this week as one has come up that doesn't involve a 3 hour daily commute so reckon worth a shot as would make life easier as a single mum! But hopefully get a chance to draft petition in next fortnight and I need to get mediator to sign form saying he won't do mediation. Then I can see the one stop shop- are domestic abuse police team there? Was a wonderful policewoman who rang me in jan and gave me a right talking to - could do with seeing her ! Can't go next week due to work commitments but prob could week after just need to think of why I am taking a morning off work.

So,exhausted of thinking about this all the time and not actually DOING anything, need to get my arse into gear ! Why oh why is it so hard to leave even when you're so sure!

I didn't see your previous comment re telling him, sounds like a good plan to somewhat soften the blow. Also possibly good idea to call 101?

I spoke to someone today from a local DV agency (she called me for some reason, a follow up) and when I told her that I had no idea what to do WRT telling him, she had no advice whatsoever. I found it quite distressing actually, almost like they won't help until he becomes violent.

I've already told him, repeatedly since the end of august, that I want a divorce. I went and had a mediation session and told him and they invited him to go - he tore up the letter and we havent spoken about it since. He's not trying to be my husband, he's making his own food, doing his own washing, sitting separately to me in the evenings. Being friendly. It's really weird. We re not discussing it at all!

So in all fairness, it wouldn't be a massive surprise surely to,get served! I d only tell him in advance in the hope he might actually accept it more- but then he'll probably avoid answering the door for the next month .

So he is in denial. Seeing the papers should make it real-- you couldn't have done much more to prepare him. Good luck