New DP ( 4 months) DS12 and EXdP- Need some guidance

[Ivedunnit]

Myself and EXdp split last July (2013). Although he did not leave the family home until June 2014.
I met a guy on POF July 2014 and he is very nice. Separated with three kids of his own. 13/15 and 18.
I have one DS (12). Myself and my Ex Dp have equal custody of my son who comes and goes as he likes in my house.
We have been taking things slowly and have recently DTD and I met his friends last weekend.
I know there is no exact science to these things but thought I would come here to those who have some experience in these things as to how to progress.
I am still in the family home ( thought it is mine and in my name), so he hasn't been to my house as I don't want DS finding out from someone else. I think it is too early to let DS know. Likewise for his kids.
I haven't friended him on FB as like most men I know he doesnt really use it but I do !

Any tips on the do's and don'ts would be appreciated.

I think, tempting though it is to date the end of your relationship to July 2013, from your DS pov it's likely to be July 2014. As in, as far as DS is concerned, it has just happened.

So I agree, far too soon to bring your DS into this.

And you know, why would you? I'm often surprised by how quickly posters on here want to move from 'boyfriend' to 'partner'. The BF bit is the fun bit! Date! Go out! Sneak around a bit! There's no rush to move things on to any other footing. Enjoy yourself for a while, why not? Picking up socks and putting down toilet seats - I'd be in no rush to get back into that!

Lonny you are so right ! This is the fun part and long may it continue !
This is all just new to me and I am sure some of the wise people here can share some wisdom as you have just done !
Thank you !

I'm in a similar situation but a year further down the line since my separation.

In my case I have 2 DS 15 & 17 who were both quite aware of the unhappiness between me and my ex and were relieved to an extent when we split.

I met the chap I'm with now in April and he has met my DS's once. I am at the stage where I would like to have DP come to mine some evenings with a view to staying over occasionally.

DS's are aware that DP is my 'partner' and not a stepfather figure and I've set that expectation because of their ages.

I think you will know yourself how your son is likely or unlikely to deal with the situation but would definitely suggest a one to one chat with him about relationships and how he feels about it.

I don't think 6 months is too soon.

Thanks Loz My DS is happy that myself and my ex have split as it was a very unhappy home.
I don't want to rush things for my DS and my new fella is very understanding. I just don't want either his or my DC knowing from another source. I expect my ExDP will tell him.

We are supposed to be meeting up with my Pal and her partner in the coming weeks but her DH is my EXDP's Pal. So I anticipate him telling the Ex that he has been out with us. So I am a little nervous.

EXDP is immature and will not see the potential harm he could cause to DS.

We will play it by ear and perhaps I will have a word with my Pal's DP and ask him not to say anything.

Thanks again for the feedback.

I know exactly where you are coming from

I didn't tell XH that I had met someone but knew he knew when he told me he had driven past my house (which is out of his way) and seen my car wasn't there and if I was going to be doing that on a regular basis could I tell him so he could maybe see the boys

I told him it was none of his business and as it is, he sees the boys according to his ever changing work rota so me being out had no bearing whatsoever!

Your son sounds like he has his head on his shoulders and will be happy that you are happy.

My XH has played the 'games' with the boys, albeit subtlety (but then ex's are good at that) so I made sure I got ahead of the 'game' and had some really good discussions with my DS's.

Good luck

You sound as if you have handled all of the situation very well!

When the time is right I will have a chat with my DS and ensure he is aware of what is happening without any negative input from my EX.
Thanks for the great feedback !