I have never got to the bottom of why my h used to object to my dd going to parties

[textingdisaster]

We have three dc, 8, 10 and 12 years old. The youngest two (both girls) are invited to a lot more parties than ds - especially dd2.

H used to object to the number of parties dd2 went to. He even brought it up in counselling (which we went to about 4 or 5 times together before he stopped going) 2 years ago. Thinking about it though, she must go to a total of about 5 or 6 parties every school year which I don't think is a lot ?

He seemed to think that I was not obliged to say yes. I suppose she was a lot smaller then (5 or 6 years old) and there was an element of me wanting her to go...

I was thinking about it today and getting annoyed about his attitude all over again.

Looked at positively maybe he wanted to spend weekend time with do. Negatively, he viewed the parties as some fabrication of mine and he wanted to control what we did at weekends .

dd not do

There's your answer, you and the dc' s were only allowed to enjoy yourselves around him, and not actually have any other pleasure in life. He's a cock!

I think he did not like the idea of others having a better social life than him?

Some parents are jealous of their children.
My grandmother actively sabotaged the social lives of my father and my aunt for years. She hated them getting attention and not her.

Maybe he didn't like the idea of ferrying the child to parties, paying for presents, mingling with (shock horror) other parents or feeling the need to reciprocate the invite. Or he didn't like her doing things that he wasn't 'in control' of.

Could be all kinds of reasons. Why were you in counselling? If he is the insecure, controlling, bullying type it's pretty normal for them to want to monopolise everyone's attention. Maybe he was worried that you'd talk and let something slip about what happened at home? (I knew someone once who admitted that...)

I know some parents who felt the same way in their case it was shyness (please say I don't have to mingle) or dreading sheer high spirits and overexcited/sick kids for the rest of the night. It is awkward if one sibling gets invited out more than the others and they resent it.

But from what you describe in this case it sounds more like he wasn't keen on anyone being open to outside influences so yes, a control issue.