husband being mean

[alemci]

hi

have been married for a long time and it hasn't been particularly great, my dh is very childish I feel.

he seems to be particularly unpleasant because I have been signed off work due to an injury and he complained today that I am always here. I am trying to get better and feel guilty not being at work. i wonder what he would do if my illness was long term?

i have seen friends but don't have people here often as he works irregular hours. plus I constantly try to be thrifty as he complains if I buy stuff so recently I haven't.

we have 2 dc at uni so he is under financial pressure and earns alot more than me.

he is rude and critical e.g. why was there no butter even though i got some more out. he told me to eff off when i commented about my ds leaving a mess.

i know he hates his job but he makes me miserable. perhaps i should make him leave but he will probably refuse and he pays the mortgage and bills. I do contribute as well indirectly.

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What do you get out of this relationship? It doesn't sound like he is an asset in your life. Maybe you could talk to CAB or a lawyer about what would happen if you separated or divorced?

Life is too short to spend it tied to a man who treats you like this.

Just to say - some threads are popping up like this one with no info to start with - would you mind going onto this thread and let them know where you were posting from? That might help them work out why it's happening...

I don't know about childish but he sounds like a miserably bully. What kind of partner complains when someone has an injury? Of course you're 'always there'... it's your home, isn't it? I'm worried that you don't feel able to invite people to your home. The financial situation seems all wrong. Is he also expected to be thrifty or is this more excuses to complain? Being rude, critical and swearing at you is horrible behaviour. If he hates his job he should change job, not take it out on you.

Life is definitely too short to waste it with a bully. As for mortgages and bills, if you were to divorce, you know half of everything belongs to you?

He sounds like a miserable bully that likes to lord it over you, where is the team work and partnership, can't you go, move on and find some happiness for yourself, I don't think you will get any from him.

I just read the thread about the FIL leaving MIL on the floor for 12 hours without assistance. They were in their 70s. Have a think about how things will be for you and your husband in the future, OP. Time to take action, in my opinion.

hi posting on smartphone.

i suppose you only see my perspective but things seem to have been going downhill rapidly. he did alot of overtime so he is probably tired.

he also uses the dc to undermine me.

Ask yourself whether he would speak to his colleagues in the way he talks to you, alemci. A reasonable person who had said a mean thing to their partner would follow it up sharpish with "Sorry, love, I'm so tired I can't think straight".

Only you know whether it's time to pull him up on his behaviour and demand a bit of respect or to make plans for a solo life. Either way, don't leave it till you're even more worn down.

Of course we only have your perspective. :) However, you said at the outset that "have been married for a long time and it hasn't been particularly great". So this behaviour sounds like it's been pretty much ongoing from the start? When that happens and you've spent a long time making excuses for them.... 'tired' for example.... then you're probably conditioned to tolerate the behaviour as normal.

Even allowing for the bias of one person's perspective, therefore, what you're describing is really poor.