Can men change? Dubious.

[Didadida]

Have been married about 15 years. Have just had enough of rude, disrespectful behaviour from DH, specifically to do with the DCs. He regularly puts me down in front of them. As a result, they are also rude and disrespectful - to me, to him, to each other. When I say this to DH, he says it was justified because I said something mean to DCs and so it's my fault. Yes, I'm trying to discipline them. He has no concept at all, no matter how much we talk, that this is out of order - I don't put him down in front of DCs.

A couple of days ago, we had a big talk, he told me how much he loved me, how sad he was that I didn't seem to care. I thought maybe he'd try to be more sensitive to my feelings. But today, two days later, he's at it again, and yet again no understanding of why I'm upset and thinks I am in the wrong.

So do any men change? I have given up really. I can't make him change. But I can't put up with this. I don't deserve this and the DCs deserve to live in a peaceful home where everyone talks kindly and respectfully towards each other.

People can change. ("men" not really a relevant distinction in this area)

But only if they want to.

It doesn't sound much like he wants to.

Has he always been this way? If he has then I doubt he can change 100%. If its a sudden change then possibly but you would need to get to the route of why the sudden change.

In general I do think men or women can change especially with age, we all get older and wiser and learn from past mistakes and lifestyle changes takes its toll, think we all learn to empathise a bit more aswell.

I can only speak from experience but I know for sure my husband has changed in the time ive been with him, he was very hot headed when first got with him nearly 9 years ago but over time and fatherhood he has mellowed an awful lot

People who have behaved the same way for 15 years and who believe they are justified in their attitude do not change, no. What happens when he behaves this way seems to be a 'big talk', some apparent apologies but then he's 'sad' that you don't seem to care.... am I reading that right? He turns it around claiming you don't care about him?

Change is more likely when there is motivation to do so. Because his life carries on pretty much uninterrupted and there are no consequences to his behaviour, he has no incentive to change. You have to provide some consequences serious enough to be a motivation..... and follow through if he fails.

What kinds of things does he say to put you down?