I'm just being childish - aren't I?

[saltire]

At the beginning of the year DH was overseas for 4months. It was very hard, the kids played up and with my full time mindees and my 2 i was worn out. One of my mindees was my friend/neighbours child. I only saw her for 10 minutes when she came to pick up the child. She never popped round in the evening, or at the weekends (and anyone whose Dh is away for that length of time knows that the evening and weekends are the worst), she would never ring me and ask if i needed anything from the shops, even though she knows i cannot drive. If i said "Oh i'm shattered, the Dss were awake for ages wanting their dad" she would reply, Oh well its as bad for me because X and Y wouldn't go to sleep.
Anyway her Dh is off for 4 months in a couple of weeks, and she keeps going on about me inviting her and the kids for dinner, and going round in the evenings for a glass of wine, and how hard its going to be for her. However i just feel "why should I", she never bothered asking if i was ok, when i was really ill for 2 weeks and my mum had to come and look after me and the Dss, she kept texting me(never knocking on teh door or phoning) and asking what she was supposed to do with her DCs whilst i was ill. She never ever in the whole 4 months asked how i was coping, even though i had all the added worry of DH being away. So, i am being childish aren't i?
DH says i am

Tell her to ..........................off.

And when you are finished with her, tell your DH I said he is an idiot, no in fact he is a twunt.

no your not being childish..your reacting to the fact you felt hurt by her disregard of your feelings.

i would say that maybe you should go round for an evening and youc an sit and say that you understand how hard she is finding it because your hubby went away too, only thing was...you didnt have anyone willing to offer any help.

let her know that you thought she was unhelpfull and unsupportive. then maybe if your Dh has to go away againa she will have a better idea of the sort of support you need at these times

Absolutely not. I'd just completely ignore her, other than saying "Well you'll know how it was for me soon, wont' you?".

And your dh is just being a man and completely missing the point.

Thanks, i just felt really let down by her, and now she's doing the old "woe is me" because her DH is going away. I know she has a 2 year old who has mega tantrums - i know i minded her for 2 years. I know she has a teenager who makes the cathering tate character look lovely, but i just..., i don't know i just feel really P'd off with her

You're not being selfish at all, I agree with what's been said. However you could take the view of "don't sink to her level" and you could offer the help. You therefore get the satisfaction that you are the better person!
That is only a suggestion though, and really I'd be thinking "get lost missus, you never helped me!"

No, you're not being childish.

She's a moo.

I wouldn't bother w/her at all.

she doesnt sound remotely like a friend. if she said she now understands how you felt, and acknowledges she was pretty awful, then maybe. but if not, then seriously, f* her. (is that too rude for mn?)

i'm a single mum and evenings and weekends can be sooo isolating (what is it with people who have partners nly wanting to socialise with other couples with kids at the weekends - we dont dissapear, people). my pal's husband goes away for a week twice a year, when she asks me to have her dd overnight cos she needs some space, but has NEVER reciprocated, or acknowledged how tough it is being alone.

not worth it.

why deliberatley cause problems? You refer to her as your friend first but if you retaliate with a "well you didn't help me so I won't help you" attitude then she may well just end up as your neighbour rather than someone you can call a friend? Is that what you would like or be able to handle? If so then say something like that to her. Otherwise, I would suggest thinking about the fact that all people are different and behave differently too. Unless you specifically asked for her company or things from the shops while your dh was away then she might just be one of those people who cannot take hints and you should have been more direct with her as she is now doing with you.

Maybe you could say to her - "of course I'd love to come round. maybe I should have asked for your help to when dh was away as I found it quite hard". that might make her realise because as I said before she just might be the kind of person who doesn't notice the hints.

It seems to me that as two neighbours with children who both have dh who go away for lengthy periods at a time that you could both be a crutch for each other in those times.

I often did say to her, helsi, "why not pop round later and have a glass of wine", or "I've got a DVD to watch, why not come round and watch it with me", and she said "I'll see, depends what time i get the kids to bed". She never came round, even when i made definate plans with her.

Use the same excuses she gave you!

Personally I would probably help her but drop in the odd dig about how hard it was for me. But I do realise I am a bitch.

Of course, saltire, you not being childish. Your feelings are entirely reasonable and understandable.

no you're not being childish - but perhaps you could say something so the resentment doesn't fester?

you could say "yes, I know how you feel.. .that's how i felt when my dh was away. worse when i was ill of course.... oh well, i'll see how i feel later on." and then if it's convenient and you feel like it, pop round, otherwise don't. i wouldn't put myself out. depends on how much this relationship means to you.