Cut off by a friend - so hurt

[theressomethingaboutmarie]

I made a very good friend via work. This person is quite troubled and I like to think that I was very supportive of her both at work and in her personal life. She's a wonderful person, has a great sense of humour and is very giving.

She's been through quite a bit in her life and has recently decided to emigrate to get away from her parents with whom she's NC. I've been very supportive through that and talked about it as and when she's wanted to.

I noticed that she had not been getting back to me when I'd left voicemails, messages via Facebook and texts. I saw on Facebook that her relocation is imminent (within days) and popped around to her house last night to say goodbye and also to ask if I'd offended her. She told me that she could only have people in her life that she trusts and that's why she'd not been in contact with me. I was really baffled as to what I could have done to prove myself untrustworthy - I'd not relayed any of her problems to anyone else and maintained all confidences. It transpires that we'd made vague plans to meet one Sunday for a coffee but I'd not got back to her until late in the evening as I'd been unwell and gone to bed. By not getting back to her, I'd proven myself untrustworthy. I was very upset by this revelation and assured her that I'd apologised and that I'd never meant to hurt her and never would. After over three years of friendship and support, I'd hoped that I'd proven myself trustworthy. It appears not.

I'm so hurt that she would so callously and brutally cut me off after such a minor infraction. I understand that she would have been frustrated but after reading my message in the evening to her, I see that I apologised. We also communicated in a very friendly way by text a few days later and there was no indication of an issue.

Given that she's now relocating, I'm incredibly sad that we have finished things on these terms. I genuinely love her as a friend and am just gutted that she's treated me this way.

Not a request for any answers but after struggling with this overnight, I just wanted to get my feelings down.

Ok don't shoot me down here just another possible perspective. Op you seem quite an emotional person and you yourself said she was a good friend to you. Her being a 'drama queen' doesn't really fit as she has spoken to you so calmly / rationally. My guess is that you were feeling abandoned her leaving and you did a few things to let her down, my guess is that you 'forgetting to text her once' is a very watered down version of what really happened and there was a lot more to it. Of course you don't want to take responsibility for what you yourself have sabotaged so you come on here with a distorted presentation of the facts to gain sympathy. A lot of people sabatogae what they fear losing some consciously some unconsciously. Of course I may be talking complete drivel but just thought I'd tell you my gut reaction.

is she a bit narcissistic.

Sounds like shes made a massive deal out of nothing and made it all about her.

She might well have been funny and lovely when it seems maybe only when it suited her.

Youre not untrustworthy. You dont need to prove anything to her

I think she is mean and nasty to go cold with you and accuse you of not being trustworthy...because you had the temerity to be ill. Callous cow, I wonder just why she fell out with her DP's.

Google chick, thanks for the different perspective. I was very emotional yesterday when writing so that possibly made me appear more emotional than I normally am.

Hand on heart, there was absolutely nothing else that I did wrong. My friend was pretty explicit in telling me about the 'incident' in question and how it made her feel. I told her that I had in no way meant to hurt her but had gone to bed feeling unwell. I had genuinely apologised in my message to her that evening (she didn't reply) but responded to messages of congratulations from me about ten days later after a sporting achievement on her part.

The mismatch between the thought that she is a drama queen and her speaking so calmly and neutrally to me may be a result of the therapy she undertook (with my encouragement I might add). The net out is that she dropped me because I didn't confirm a vague arrangement due to illness.

I suppose I have a philosophy about friends, that when you discover the worst side of them, it is such a shock, but then you decide if you can live with that or not. Until then they are NEW friends with all the glory that involves. Unfortunately your friend was just a NEW friend, no matter how many years you had known each other. She should have told you at the time and sorted it out. Now you know her worst side, even if she would let you, would you continue with this friendship, knowing that she is capable of breaking it off for something really trivial like that, instead of telling you she had a problem?