I completely lost it tonight

[1Cheesedoff]

I have been given the silent treatment for months. couldn't take anymore dived at him and grabbed his face. He is now making a song and dance out of this. Making out I am some crazy person and has decided to sleep downstairs. I hate him for making me lose it. I have never had a temper and he has brought out the worse in me. As anyone else been through something similar?

This is a very complicated situation. No. Violence is NOT the answer and yes when confronted with abuse of this magnitude we SHOULD ALL just up and leave.

it is also FAR TOO EASY to sit and judge when you're not currently in the midst of this level of abuse. We know it's wrong to lash out, the OP knows it is wrong and yes she does need to leave. today.

If she were abusive she would see that she were entitled to do this and would not be here posting.

An abuser does not LOSE it. Everything an abuser does is for a reason. it is premeditated and calculated. the 'anger' is manufactured and is designed for a distinct advantage and for a specific gain.

Abusers (those that stonewall included) do not 'lose it' nor do they need their 'anger managed' they are managing their behaviour just fine.

Let's not lose sight of the facts here. there is a person that needs support to get out of a damaging and harmful situation.

If you STILL insist that her H is at risk of harm, then OP leaving him would be best for him too, so kindly support OP in whatever it takes to get out her of HIS life.

OP - Your reaction was in no way justified. You had other options, but chose to stay and endure this treatment and then snap.

You need to finish things.

There are situations where it is understandable when people snap (the law recognises when battered women lose it and attack their partner for example), but these are extreme situations. Only you are responsible for your behaviour.

He sounds extremely unhappy in the relationship, so do you, and now you've assaulted him. Why on earth are you together?

Of course there could be all sorts of reasons why he is giving you the "silent treatment" (stress, depression, etc etc) or he could just be an abusive person. However unless you are both prepared to work extremely hard at this, is there anything worth saving (and do you even want to save it?)

What would have happened if he had retaliated last night? It could have become a very dangerous situation for you both.

Why has he been giving you the Silent treatment?

I didn't think there was any excuse for physically assaulting someone. At least that's been the general rule on mn. Why is this one different?

Hope you're ok Op.

What ever the moral ins and outs, you need help and support, we will help and support you.

I hope you return to your thread.

"Why is this one different?"

It's not. I don't think anyone is condoning the behaviour. Most people are saying that things have broken down irretrievably once you've got silent treatment on the one hand and 'face grabbing' on the other.

However, in the context of 'months' of silent treatment, all was clearly not well before the incident and the OP - whilst being told that what they did was wrong and who clearly realises that they have crossed a line - should not think that precludes her from seeking help.

Cogito - sorry, but I think sandstorm pretty much condoned it, or at the very least minimised it.

You both sound throughly fucking miserable and really bad for each other.

The only right thing to do is end it, now, for both your sakes.

There's no justification for what you did. You're no better than he is. Both abusive.

Why oh why are you still there? Just go.

Your partner should bring out the best in you not the worst.

Rebecca2014, sometimes violence IS the shortest route to freedom. Congrats on judging yours well, and getting the best outcome.

What were you hoping to achieve?

Your relationship isn't over as it isn't a relationship. Both of you need to try and grow up and go your separate ways in a mature manner.

You are being abused, please seek help with that.

You assaulted your partner, please seek help with that.

You need to get out of this relationship OP - no excuses. What you did was very wrong indeed and sounds like assault. My mother is a 'silent treatment for months on end' type so I know what it is like to live with that and it is highly abusive and does drive you crazy - as it's designed to.

If he has such contempt for you and is so emotionally constipated that he ignores you for months on end, and you are so angry at him that you assaulted him, you both need to separate. You cannot go on living this horrible life together. My parents stayed together and have been together for nearly 40 years and are two of the most miserable, bitter people I know. Get out now.

Sorry to say but if this was a man saying what you have said, I'd tell him the same thing.

If a male OP had posted saying he slapped his partner, who'd been giving him extended silent treatment, my response would be identical. His partner's an abuser, and this is the signal to call time on their relationship. Neither would I blame him for the slap - it's clearly not ideal. Ideal would be sacking the relationship after 48 hours in Coventry, but we all know relationships aren't that cut-and-dried.

verbal abuse. physical abuse. unacceptable. leave for both your sakes.
many of these threads seems to be justifying your domestic violence due to his emotional neglect. domestic VIOLENCE is unacceptable.
there is nothing else to say.