So stressed about exp and DS

[Daria01]

I have NCd for this, just because I've posted before about this issue, and I don't want to be outed on my usual name.

The background is that my exp has MH issues, was abusive (sexually, financially, emotionally and threatened physical violence on a few occasions).

When I broke up with him (10 months ago) he really went off the rails. Excessive drinking (and possibly drugs), lots of nasty behaviour towards people he barely knew, as well as the way he treated me (he stalked me, harassed me via text/calls, turned up to my house uninvited to name a few).

He then tried to kill himself aprox 2mo after we broke up. His parents are expats in the ME, so he went to live with them for 3 months.

He came back and was as bad as ever; I know people throw the label of narcissist around quite a lot, but I genuinely believe he and his parents are narcs, put of course I'm not professionally trained to diagnose.

After several weeks of putting up with their vile emails, I said they could no longer contact me, or I'd consider it to be harassment, and I'd report them to the police (the police told me to say this to them).

Exp saw DS in a contact centre from the beginning of July, until three weeks ago. He hasn't seen DS for three weeks because DS was ill once, I was ill once, and his dad cancelled the other time. (These things can't be helped; people get ill.)

I received an email today, from the contact centre, saying ex has decided he can no longer see DS in the centre, and that he will be in touch with me to arrange future contact arrangements.

I feel so sick. I can't explain how close to snapping I was when he used to contact me. I don't want to sound over dramatic, but I literally felt like he had total control over my life - it was hell. I know I need to go to a solicitor, but I am so worried he is going to take me to court over the contact with DS, and that I won't be able to cope with the stress. I am also in my final year of Uni, so I'm really panicking that this is going to throw a spanner in the works re my classification and placements.

I obviously don't want DS to see his dad without somebody else being present, because I genuinely believe that exp is a huge threat to DS. I just don't know what to do :( I'm at my wits end.

See a solicitor rather than leaving it to chance. If the contact was previously ordered to be at a contact centre he can't change the terms on a whim.

It wasn't ordered, he did a self referral.

Presumably you can refuse contact for now and then instigate that it is through a contact centre?

You have to see a solicitor.

Think of it this way - it is stressful, but what will be hideously MORE stressful is trying to control this yourself. Solicitor, one big meeting, explain the background, you refuse any unsupervised contact due to massive history of abuse and MH issues.

Do you have evidence of the harrassment and suicude attempt?

I have evidence of harassment and suicide attempt yes (he went into hospital, and I have a file full of screenshots/emails).

I have seen a solicitor in the past, then things calmed down, so I didn't peruse it.

I have emailed the CC back to ask them to tell my exp that I'm happy to change contact to EOW if that's easier for him. He hasn't said why he can't (more like won't) come to the centre. I'll wait for his reply first.

I think I need to be proactive about this don't I :( I've done too much of the 'wait and see' thing. My solicitor told me I can insist on a psych report before allowing contact outside of the CC. So if he does go down the family court route, I would insist on this. I think he'd probably back down at this point. Him and his family know there is no way he could get round that.

I don't want it to sound like I think those with MH issues can't be good parents - that's not what I think at all. But this man is just something else entirely

Persue*