Should I just give up?

[atmywitsendxx]

I posted on here a few weeks ago regarding my DF ending our 4 year relationship. Since then we are back together as he wants us to "work it out" and to give me the opportunity to "change" and be more supportive towards him (this was his main gripe also my constant moaning regarding my business) I feel both I have improved on and actually feel much more happy and content within myself.

I feel the first few weeks of us being back together he has completely change. Week one the first few days were really good we spend a lot more time together having proper conversations in the evening. We had got into the habit of sitting on social media after getting out 1 year down to bed and not talking to each other. The rest of the week he was out a lot and we didn't see each other. This week he has just been horrible. Barley speaking to me doesn't come near me. He acts id if he really dislikes me, I have asked him if he likes me and he says yes but I frustrate him so much. I honestly get the impression he hates me. We got into a huge fight regarding where the baby wipes should be kept as I had not put them back into the right location for him to find. He gets frustrated with the smallest things.

I know he is under a lot of pressure as he has he has exams in a few weeks. I have spoken with my mum and she says i should support him as he is going through a hard time. She says I should not give up on things as we have a child together but I honestly feel like walking away. He says he doesn’t want more children which is something we have always planned. I feel life is too short and I am wasting time being unhappy with someone that doesn’t make me happy and he says I don’t make him happy and haven’t for 9 months. Our wedding was planned for a few months time and we have cancelled. When do you know when to give up and walk away?

What's DF? Father? Friend? Fiancée?

Either way - giving you the opportunity to change? Why would you want to be married to someone like that?

I think this relationship is making you both pretty miserable right now.

You need to change something or it will remain that way.

You can't make it work on your own it takes two. What he has said doesn't matter it's what he does that counts and also what he does reflects what he is really thinking.

You are right about not wasting another minute of your life being miserable. Just don't do it. Life is waaaay to short and precious!

Good luck

Sorry Fiance we have been together for 4 years engaged since Christmas and have a one year old daughter.

You can still be good co parents without being in a relationship.

This is who he really is, the first few days post reconciliation were an act. For whatever reason, he thinks it's acceptable to treat you as though he dislikes you, all the while demanding your "support".

Being unhappy is a perfectly valid reason to end a relationship and you don't have to justify your decision to anyone else - not your mother, not even him.

Life is too short.

All of this 'we could be happy if you do x, y, z, I am willing to give you another chance if YOU can support ME and YOU can stop moaning, irritating me, breathing ' and within a week he's back to acting like he doesn't like you because YOU frustrate him? I've been in a similar situation, LEAVE!!! But prepared for him to want you back every time you get away from him and become happy and confident again.

Life is too short for all this rubbish and love should not be such hard work honestly.

This relationship has really been over in all but name now for some likely considerable time. You both should no longer be together under any circumstances. Time to call time on this.

Your mother's advice was poor to say the least not just to say completely wrong. Staying for the child rarely if ever works out well and she won't thank you for putting him first before her either. You cannot rescue or work further on a relationship on your own.

Is this really the role model of a relationship you want your own DD to see and potentially emulate long term?.

All I'm seeing here is a miserable man who is setting you up to fail. You're told you're not supportive enough so you fix that.... and now it's not enough either. If he keeps moving the goalposts, your already damaged confidence will suffer further. Your mother should be on your side. If it was my DD that was being made so unhappy I would not be telling them to go easy on the other person.

You can't make someone happy. It's not your job to make him happy. You certainly shouldn't change yourself in an effort to keep someone sweet.

Btw. ... It would not be 'giving up' to reject this treatment and make a better life. Giving up is a negative thing, passive and an expression of weakness. Acknowledging the relationship is over and choosing independence would be a very positive, strong and assertive decision.

He seems very unhappy and frustrated with life. He always seems to be having a go at me for something or another. If I try talk to him about things it always ends up in an argument where he calls me terrible names in anger. I have said I am not going to tolerate being spoken to on that manner if which he often responds thats how I honestly feel. My mum said do not put up with him speaking to you like that which I am trying not to. I have written him a letter about 6 months ago explaining how I felt. He did say then he would make more effort but the words always come out in anger and frustration. He also always walks away and refuses to talk about things which make it worse.

What you're describing is bullying. It's a way to manipulate and exert control. By being angry, miserable and unpleasant what he achieves is that you feel obliged to change your behaviour, do as he says and generally tippy toe around. He uses the fact that he's doing exams as an excuse. You're feel under pressure to stick around. It's a very common dynamic, it's damaging to your self esteem and hence why you're here asking if it would be OK to call time. You don't actually need anyone's permission.

Does he blow up at other people in order to get his own way or does he save it just for you?

He used to like to put on a "perfect life" facade to the outside world. This came crashing down a few weeks ago when he finished with me. I often say repeat what you just said to me the next time we see your family or would you speak to your work colleagues like that? no well why is it ok for me? he just says they dont frustrate them like I do.

It is not your fault that this man is the way he is; he acts like this too because he can.

I think this man could also be described as abusive given as well that he does not act like this towards people in the outside world. He is likely to be very plausible to those in the outside world too.

There is no future for you at all in this, its well and truly finished now. You do not need anyone's permission to leave, only your own.

It's a standard line from people who would like to bully or abuse someone. 'If you weren't so annoying/frustrating/stupid/etc I wouldn't have to treat you so badly'

It's blame - shifting, responsibility - dodging crap. He chooses to dish out the poor treatment. He understands perfectly well the effect it has on you (so don't waste ink on letters). It is almost certainly deliberate because he chooses not to treat others the same way.