I have no idea what to call this

[em1000]

DH is a very loving person, at least he was. We have been through a hell of a lot, including him finding me with a knife to my arm trying to commit suicide (damn lock on the bathroom door was very weak) beside the point though, we have a son, who I know he loves, or at least I thought he did.

I have been suffering from a very bad bout of insomnia. I might if I am lucky fall asleep at 6am. DS gets us up at 6.30am, at times I will stay up with him till OH gets up, other times, I get DH up so I can try and get a few hours (DS always gets up the time I feel tired, bloody typical)

This has been the way for the last few days, I am hoping to ride the insomnia out. OH seems to think that because I am there it is a great idea to play on his fucking computer, I am upstairs and he is the adult with a two year old child downstairs

However this morning I stayed with DS till about 8am, he has always been a bit of a mummy boy. He is 2, it is natural, but recently he has had a massive reluctance to being left with his dad, he has just been put into nursery, soo I kinda thought this might be it.

Anyway this morning, I heard my OH yell at least 3/4 times about what a stupid child he was. By the time I got downstairs DS was inconsable, the computer was on, DS was soaked, it seems he got his cup and poured it down him. From experience he does this when he is after attention, so I can only assume, DH put the TV on, put his computer on and the ignore DS.

At times, tbf you can do this, you can put something on and DS will sit and stare at it. If you are lucky you can get a good 10 minutes.

I poiletly told OH to fuck off.

This evening he has gotten home from work and we got into some stupid discussion, at which point I realised he was not getting my point. I said lets agree to disagree I don't want to talk about it anymore. He promptly told me to fuck off.

I informed him I would do but not this evening. I have now sat here, for a few hours and the more I think about it the more I think this is happening more and more often and I refuse to allow my son to be brought up in this environment.

Basically what I am after is if i am right to leave him. I know I am, I just need a bit of a boost

What would I call it? Child abuse. It is wrong to tell a child he is stupid. It is wrong not to seek professional help for suicidal feelings when you have a child.

I'm not convinced that either of you are putting your son's needs first and foremost. Are you swearing in front of him? What are you allowing him to stare at on your computer screen?

If you are unhappy then of course you are right to leave him. He's being a selfish arse, he should be letting you sleep and looking after your child properly, not sitting on his computer ignoring him. Also the shouting and telling him he is stupid is unacceptable, and you are well within your rights to ask him to leave. You shouldn't have to uproot DS and cause upset, he should 'fuck off' as he puts it

Vivacia, I am seeking professional help but is a slow journey. No I do not swear in front of my child. Maybe I should of said that I told my OH to go away in a forceful mannar.

I don't have my laptop on unless it is to use skype, I was talking about the TV, he can watch a fav TV programme for maybe 10 minutes till he gets bored and wants to go play outside. Or if it is raining you have to be more inventive with the games.

I find your words actually mis directed at me, I am a damn good mother despite everything. You questioning that I don't put my child first is wrong. I would do anything for him. Which is why I am now questioning what to do when I have been heavily reliant on one person and breaking away from them as I feel the effect they are having on my son is terrible. Despite what it might do to my mental health.

Gavlarr, I do agree with you I shouldn't have to uproot DS, but I am very lucky to have family in the area who at a pinch might take us in, so to DS it would be an adventure and quite frankly I would prefer that than him to be subjected to that sort of abuse

It's a relief to hear your clarifications em but reading your first post I just really, really felt for your son being around all of this and felt that he was the invisible person in a post all about the drama of you and your boyfriend.

Do you really need to be told that you should leave a man who calls your 2 year old son stupid?

If you want the truth I really feel for my son. He is suffering with a mother who is depressed and no medication seems to be working and a father who seems to be turning into a child the old he gets.

No I don't need to be told, I need to be pushed however.

The best way to put it, is in the last year, my depression has been severe. Only in the last couple of months has the fog begin to clear, Basically I have been reliant on him for 9/10 months. To think about leaving is like loping off an arm you know to be infected. I hope that makes sense

It does make sense. And it sounds difficult.

But I don't think you need a push. I'm not sure if anyone can push you if you don't have that push in yourself (just the thought of someone calling my 2 year old son stupid makes my hackles rise). I think it's support you need.

Maybe push was not the right word, I was half asleep when I heard him call him stupid the first time, by the time I had woken up, I am sure he had yelled it two or three times and I was certain I was not asleep. I was half way down the stairs by the third or fourth time. So I know this cannot continue.

To the point where I have not been able to sleep, DS is up and we are watching lazy town (his fav show) And I haven't sleep in 20 hours, however I prefer being tired to having my child emotionally abused

You need to get some sleep. Go to your gp and ask for some sleeping tablets to break the cycle of insomnia.

Then you can sort things out with your dp or ltb. He sounds vile.

I wonder if some of that medication might start to work if you didn't have this man in your life anymore.

LEMmingaround the insomnia has only started to hit badly in the last few days, I was getting at least four hour asleep a day. Now I get maybe an hour, or like it has been tonight, nothing. The doctor is reluctant to put me on medication for my sleeping due to addictive traits

FolkGirl, he is an embabler (sp) I will not deny I have drunk in the past, but I made an effort to give up, but ever so often a bottle of wine is dangled infront of me, not because he is a shit, but because he thinks buying me a bottle of wine will make me happy (like flowers)

I now have a nagging feeling that giving me wine is another way to control me, There is a lot going through my head at the moment. Either way, I am hoping to crack the anxiety and go swimming with DS today.

Wish me luck and thank you for the support

I think that a lot of your emotional issues will improve once you are free of this abusive relationship.

I wouldn't be able to sleep either if I was married to your DH. I would feel the need to be 'on guard' all the time in order to protect my child from my husband.

You're going to need to find some inner strength (which can't be easy I know) to see this through.

Talk to us about the practical implications of seperating.

Do you own your own house? Do you both work? Close family nearby?

but ever so often a bottle of wine is dangled infront of me, not because he is a shit, but because he thinks buying me a bottle of wine will make me happy (like flowers)

Why would he think that? Have you not told him that you don't drink alcohol?

No wonder he doesn't want to be left alone with him….

Change GP if needed. There are lots of different anti depressants out there and sometimes it takes awhile to find the right one. But you need help. No one can function on no sleep and feeling depressed.

Keep going back to the GP and pushing until you find the right medication for you.

My ex used to shout at the kids and want to sit there doing his own thing, instead of playing with them. It was easier on my own. I went on ADs and felt so much better for it. Please find a GP who will help you. You can't go on like this.

Just to let everyone know, I thought and thought and thought and thought a bit more. Then I thought (this thought went on for a while, you guys have had a snippet of one bad thing he has done in the five years, so its easy to say ltb) And I decided that ultimately what would I prefer a child who hated me because I seperated him from his father (for reason he might understand later in life) or a child who hated me because I did sweet fuck all.

So DS and I have had two PJ's day and tomorrow is the start of our new life

and

Congratulations and welcome to the rest of your life!

X

Sounds to me like you are doing the right thing. Better to regret the things you have done than the things you have not. Get some support though, the stuff the Doc said re the ADs sounds not quite right, they can make all the difference in the world. Good luck. You are dead right to protect your DS from verbal abuse, it will brutalise him.

That's good. Are you ok?

My kids don't hate me for separating from their Dad. If that comforts you at all. Mine are very content these days and used to the status quo.

I am still living in a bit of a daze tbh, I have the crisis team round tomorrow so am concentrating on that.

Also the fact that I have very little money (but fridge and shelves full) and not quite sure where to start with everything.

But one step at a time

Thinking of you. I don't know what a crisis team is but I hope they help x

Just remember that a lot of the advice given on this board is one size fits all. One leave the bastard for each situation.

It's bloody hard bringing up a child that will not sleep. It makes you feel irrational, depressed, desperate, irritable... And that goes for both of you.

I'm going to suggest that you both visit the doctor. And don't make any life changing decisions that you don't have the energy for right now. You can always break up later, if it turns out that's what you both want to do after some good sleep.

You won't always have a two year old to be keeping you up. They grow and they sleep.