so lonely - cant cope

[byal13]

Hi,

I have so many things buzzing round my head I don't really know where to start, but... My boyfriend completely went off sex after I found out I was pregnant, our daughter is 16 months now and things just keep getting worse. After she was born and things didnt return to normal I figured maybe it was because of the excess weight, so I dropped all two stone in two months after she was born, things didnt improve and I kept losing weight, it turned into an eating disorder and when my daughter was 6 months old I weighed less than 40 kg. That was a wake up call and ive put weight back on. The whole thing put even more strain on our relationship. Ive been really depressed, im trying a second type of anti depressant now but it just seems to never end, if things do improve a little it never lasts long. On top of that we have had to move country for my work. I moved alone with my daughter (then 10 months) and after 2 months he joined us. I accept the sacrifice he has made for my career, but he has told me he resents me for it. I have been incredibly angry at times which has resulted in him being physically violent towards me on two occasions, considering the circumstances I dont blame him. However this resulted in my hest friend calling social services,just before I moved. I havent spoken to her since. Although he has only been violent after ive said horrible things to him, he often comes home drunk and threatens me, I feel I have burnt all my bridges and by dragging him out here I cannot ask him to leave. I have no friends here, I havent spoken to anyone but him in months, when I do go out I just end up getting blind drunk and can't remember anything the next day, but I lack the confidence to talk to anyone sober. although he tries to be supportive, I think i've pushed him too far and he has nothing left to give. I'm completely at the end of my tether, ive considered cheating on him just to feel a connection to someone but my self esteem is shattered and I know it would just make things worse. I don't know where to go from here...i know I havent asked a specific question but any response is deeply apprenticed

Oh love. He has shattered your self esteem. You don't want tb hear this but you have toeave this violent creep. He is an asshole and you will never be happy while you are with him.

Your friend did the right thing. You need to reach out to her.

For the sake of your child, call women's aid immediately. Your partner is a ticking time bomb. This is NOT your fault.

I think you must end your relationship. You're describing a catalogue of rejection, depression, disorder and it's all wrapped up in the way you've been treated by this horrible man. There is never any justification for violence. If you are fragile you need care. Not someone punishing you and crushing you even further. So get shot of the person that doesn't care.... he doesn't want to be there in the first place.... and please seek help from people who do.

Right, there is a little baby in the mix here. She is the most important thing.

You both sound utterly miserable. This move is not working out at all.

So your best friend called social services on you? Only because she was worried about you and your child. I bet she wrestled with her conscience over that decision but she thought she was doing the right thing. She was trying to protect you and your daughter.

I think you should consider reaching out to her again?

This relationship is doomed, look at how unhappy you are, that misery will continue until you decide to change the situation you are in.

Listen to everyone and end this relationship, you will be amazed at how your life will change for the better. You may not think that now but once he is out of your life it will open doors you had never expected.

you poor love i am so sorry you have tried so hard and ended up with an eating disorder.I have been there twice and im glad you have nipped it in the bud for you and your dc sake.Im sure you will get good advice regarding your relationship on here .

Dear OP, you seem to be in really difficult situation. You're in a foreign country, with a small child, no friends or family to support you, and with a husband who is violent towards you and depriving you of affection and true support.

Please do not drink or have an affair. You'll make things worse and these are only escape routes that will only worsen your situation. Please stay away from all substances while in crisis, as these are only going to muddle your head and you need your head fresh and cool to make the right decisions.

Does your husband have a job in this country? He's probably extremely frustrated with his situation, but violence is not an option for any relationship or life arrangements to work.

Since he's been violent, you should consider ending this relationship. Can you ask him to go back home while you work and raise your child abroad? Can you live separately if he can't go back?