Time out. Do you need it?

[bunface]

Not really the right place but doesn't fit anywhere else. The older I get the more I crave some time to myself. I dream of an evening spent in front of the telly on my own and not having to talk to anyone. Just once! I have a very stressful full time job and some nights when I get home, I don't want to talk to anyone. I do of course but am finding the complete lack of headspace Increasingly difficult. Sometimes I literally feel like I'm going to explode. A few times I've actually got up early to get some space only to have dp come downstairs too and then I've got annoyed with him when it's not his fault.

It's getting worse and it's really getting me down. I feel so resentful of everyone wanting me all the time. I sound so selfish don't I. Am I being awful?

yes I agree. You are not awful at all.

Thanks Jasper. But how do I get it without upsetting anyone?

You book it on the calendar just like any other activity. Or I do! You need time to yourself. Even just an hour. I never did this but realised it's not selfish to need a bit of quiet head time and I'm actually nicer for it after!

No you're not awful, sound completely normal to me. You'll be better for it, and that will be better for you and everyone.

Perfectly normal.but I can't believe you haven't mentioned it to DP!

I thought it was just me

I crave it too a lot

Stressful on all the time job and I feel like I never switch off ever - either doing or planning work, house stuff and parenting 3 teens

I've been listening to podcasts while working and time and again it's come up that me time is crucial I was listening to one where the woman takes a day off of everything every month just to recharge and hibernates stays in bed all day and just reads and drinks tea etc

I have decided to somehow do this (!) not sure how yet but I'm going to schedule in time for doing nothing like nothing not even 'doing' things like yoga and walking which also feels like a job

maybe you should schedule it in and say look I really need to just be alone it's all fine just need to zone out

I go to bed early to be alone and DH thinks its a great idea to get an early night and comes too.

He works from home and never goes out, so even days off, maternity leave, finishing work an hour early, he's always there. I crave him getting a business trip somewhere. Not all the time, just every now and then...

Not just you. Nowadays i just couldn't imagine being in a live with you full time relationship. I like my space

It's not selfish to look after your own needs. It's part of being grown-up.

And if anybody gets upset because you are doing just that, then that is their problem, not yours. It really would be a problem - codependency or something - if somebody could not cope with your having a little time to yourself now and then.

Book something now: take courage in both hands and tell your DP what you're going to do. Good luck!

Thanks everyone. Good to know I'm not the only one! People talking to and at me all day long and then keeping dp happy plus helping with homework in the evening. Too much sometimes! Dp is pretty good with it but I feel guilty as he works in quit3a solitary job and is self employed so doesn't work every day. Do he is craving company and I'm craving solitude! Sometimes it feels like a physical assault on my senses! Sounds bit dramatic but it's true. I will make an effort to get some me time and then I will be nicer mummy and partner. Maybe!

We call this golden time in our house! It's booked in on the calendar.

How about taking up a hobby that means you can get out by yourself?

You're not alone in feeling like this though

I can't believe anyone would think this wasn't completely normal!

Of course you need some 'Me Time'. Everyone does. Even moreso when you have a demanding job, a partner and children. The sensory input from that is massive. That's what I always need(ed) a break from!

Same here feel like locking bedroom door for six months so i can sleep! Its not selfish its important to take time out and do something for you. X

I don't understand

I live in a busy house with h and two teenagers

There is stuff going on all the time....work, school, boyfriends, lifts, people coming and going constantly

However, I take time out whenever I feel like it

I just tell them to butt out for a while, and they do

It's pretty simple, nobody gets offended by it

I've had a crap day today. I'm feeling totally overwhelmed with everything and not even sure why. Dp says I don't give him enough time and I probably don't. It's all I can do to get through an average day, let alone anything else. Dd's has just started secondary so lots of homework to help with. By the time all that's done I'm on my knees with exhaustion. I've also got anaemia at the moment so am struggling with tiredness anyway. I know I need to work on my relationship and put some effort into it but all I want to do is go to bed and sleep and even that doesn't happen that well. I actually feel pretty low if I'm honest. Want to run away and hide!

"work" on your relationship ?

"put some effort" into it ?

why is it always women who have to do that ?

OP, go to bed and tell your P to go fuck himself

have you read this thread

Anyfucker - you know what -I like your thinking. You're damn right - it is always women who have to make the flippin' effort. I've been busy placating my 'D'P today as he had decided to lose his rag in a major with our 13 year old DS this morning. Putting an 'atmosphere' on our family day out.

bunface you have my complete sympathy. On Friday of this week, I stopped off at a motorway service station to drink a cup of coffee on my own. For 20 minutes. It was absolute fucking bliss. I just couldn't face going straight home to face more demands etc from kids etc after a busy and stressful day at work. It did help actually.

Anyfucker, I have been struggling with all this for quite a while and have pretty much neglected dp because of it. I think both parties do need to make an effort and I haven't been. I'm too sodding tired. My job is mentally and physically exhausting and I am the main wage earner. Dp is supportive and does a lot round the house which I appreciate. Don't really know how to fix any of it.

Isotsnowingyet, I feel your pain! I would be happy to sit in the car for half an hour to get some peace! I don't care how. I've reached the point where I'm on sensory overload and can't listen to what anyone is saying to me.

Both dh and I like alone time. And we try very hard to give it to each other. Because I am out at work and have more social things on, sometimes I will suggest dh goes to a movie. He always understands completely and happily goes off for the evening. Regularly he suggests it himself.

However, you sound more like sil. Her and her dh have different needs. He works about half the hours she does and her job is very stressful. He wants to be together all the time and she is desperate for some time out. They fight about it all the time.

I honestly don't know the answer. But I would be inclined to say try talking to dh. You are far more likely to be willing to spend a proper evening together if you have had some down time first

Also, if you can't get it at home, what about heading out? Sometimes the best thing for me about being out and about, even just doing some shopping, by myself is the knowledge that no one knows where I am. No one can ask me to do anything. It's just a heady feeling of freedom.

When I reach rock bottom in terms of people in my space/face/ears I take a holiday in my head.
I stop for a coffee after work in my own.
My gallery has a late evening opening once a week, I just call home and say I'll be in later than usual ( I have a really stressful demanding job, they know not to ask and just leave me to it).
Sometimes I park the car somewhere safe, put some music on and just take 10.
I run and do pilates, I would hate to run with someone else and you can't talk during pilates. I swim late at night (think 9 pm).
Hope it eases off.

yep, I have recently started staying up later than DH maybe 2-3 nights a week just so I can be on my own. I love it, I have no problem with my own company, happy to go out alone etc but just being in the house, in complete quiet is bliss