stuck

[xxdontknowwhattodoxx]

Hi all this is a long story but will try and keep it as brief as possible. Basically ive been with my current partner a number of years, the last couple of years have not been great at all, he is emotionally abusive and child like throws things etc also physical a handful of times.

I know ill get judged by what im going to put next but for your honest advise you need to know, i have been seeing someone else who ive known a number of years for the last 9 months, he is single and says he loves me alot and wants us to be together and says he has always loved me etc. He knows how difficult my partner can be he has seen the bruises from a couple of physical attacks. The man im seeing understands the situation but the last few months has said he would like us to be a proper couple, recently this has came to ahead and hes said he cannot have any contact with me if i stay with my abusive partner becuase it hurts him too much. Im stuck in a place where i love them both in different ways, i find it hard to accept the current partner is abusive and i hate to throw the years ive had with him away, but the man im seeing has always been there for me, talks properly to me, treats me with respect etc. i cannot bear the thought of losing him and because we have known each other years i know theres something there for sure.

i just dont know what to do i am not a person to cheat and lie but i had just over a year of name calling, disrespect and abuse from my current partner before anything happened with the other man.

Any honest advice really appreciated.

Seek counselling?

I think you already know what everyone will tell you.
It's a no brainer. You need to be strong and have the support of those closest to you, because it will be hard but worth it.
You get one life don't waste time being unhappy.

I'm sorry you're in an abusive relationship and I would encourage you to get out of it properly and give yourself and any children chance to settle before you involve someone new in your life. I don't like abusive bullies but neither do I like people who take advantage of the vulnerable. When you're at your lowest, anyone can seem like a good alternative.

So please deal with your current relationship. Talk to Women's Aid 0808 2000 247. Talk to the police DV team given that you've been assaulted. Get yourself away, safe, settled and happily independent. Then think about the future.

Maybe you don't know what to do at the moment, but I think you are getting there, you have made the first tentative step already and realised, and voiced it, you are in an abusive relationship. The man you are living with is abusing you.

Unfortunately as a person who has been made a victim of this abuse, and as an honest and genuinely decent person you now have another dynamic to deal with. Not just low self-esteem which often happens in this sort of relationship but guilt also about the affair. The next step is to deal with any feelings that you may have deserved such treatment. Don't get stuck in a cycle of thinking it's your fault because you did xyz, because it is not your fault. Finding safe harbour is actually a perfectly rational thing to do, so you have no need to feel guilty.

Call women'aid and deal with the practical stuff, get out and be safe

Then you have time to question whether this other man actually represents a happy future, would you have chosen to be with him under any other circumstances. If your partner had not hit you, would you have thought, wow this is the man I want to spend my life with? At the moment having him in your life represents a safe harbour, that is not the same thing as falling in love and wanting to spend your life with him.

As things are, you may one day flee because you are fleeing almost certain annihilation, only to find yourself with someone that quite frankly, is neither right nor wrong but won't make you happy.

Get out of your abusive relationship for your own safety.
This new relationship is something you're probably not in a position to make a decision on. Yes he is right to want you out of an abusive relationship, however, he is being manipulative to some extent.

i dont know if the other guy is being manipulative as he has always been there even when things were good with my current bf.
Your probably right in thinking i may not of considered a relationship with this other guy if i wasnt in the situation im in. i dont seem to be able to get out of the situation i am in. really confused