Life with a psychopath

[Anniemannie]

I've been reading a lot of psychopath literature lately as my younger brother is currently under monitoring for personality traits he seems to have always had.

I feel very unsettled about this, I've never spoken to anyone about my brothers conduct but now I want to, and try to make sense of the situation.

Have any of you have experience of dealing with a psychopath, and how did you deal with it?

As a side note this article is very interesting and I recognised a lot of it's content in things my brother has done mobile.nytimes.com/2012/05/13/magazine/can-you-call-a-9-year-old-a-psychopath.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

That was a difficult article to read! It must be very painful to face that your brother may be psychopathic.

Me exh was a sociopath imo. I worry about my (our) children, who are currently showing some disturbing behavioural traits. It's interesting that Miguel, in the article, seems to have followed a behavioural route that is opposite to the accepted route ie that sociopathic behaviour becomes more pronounced in mid - late teens.

I admit I am quite ignorant about all this, not least because the prognosis is notoriously bleak: I can't bear to face it. My ex, who is now no longer alive, was chilling. I greatly fear that some, if not all, of my children are following suit. I suppose I feel i have to bury my head in the sand in order to cope. My kids are in their 20s btw - too late for any constructive intervention?

I'm sorry if that isn't much help though. I wish you and your family well.

And I hope more people will post!

It's late now so you may not get answers until tomorrow...but yes, it's an interesting subject. I had read that article before.

I'm guessing growing up with your brother was no Sunday picnic.

I've worked with psychopaths in a professional context. I know what to look fit, and I'm still amazed at the attempts to charm and front stuff out. It must have been very tough for you. Did you have any support?

I am fascinated by the psychology behind all this, having close ties with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (which shares many traits - especially the lack of empathy and manipulation of others). I'm afraid that I cannot offer any words of wisdom with regards to dealing with your brother's psychopathy OP, but you have my deepest sympathy. It is very difficult to let go of our projected images, where the person possesses socially acceptable ranges of emotional empathy, and replace them with the true picture of that person. My mother has NPD - letting go of the mother I wanted and accepting the mother I had was incredibly difficult.
The most import thing you can do OP is to provide yourself with an emotional and possibly even physical "buffer" so as to avoid being manipulated or hurt. Sadly there is no lightbulb moment or an off switch with these types of personality disorder - well, not that I know of anyway.

A disclaimer first - I have studied a lot of psychology at university, although not a psychologist. Since then, I have also continued to educate myself by reading as much as I can online about various psychology topics, particularly the Cluster B personality disorders, of which anti-social personality disorder is a part of, as it is described by the DSM, and is the medical term for psychopathy/sociopathy.

OP, yes I have had to deal with 2 psychopaths, neither of whom were family members. I cut them both off, because I could afford to do so in this context. However, I am aware that this may not help you in your situation. May I ask what age ranges you and your brother are in? Could you please describe the dynamics of the relationship between you and him, and within the family? It might help posters to write answers which are more pertinent to your situation.

Very interesting article. And quite chilling. As is reading up about Ted Bundy who is mentioned in the article.

Mmm, my ex-BIL was diagnosed as a psychopath and supposedly it was because of coldness on the part of his parents. All I know about that is that his mother used to babysit my dn and would never pick him up or change his nappy.

PS Springdaffs, my dn is in his fifties and has never shown any psychopathic tendencies, fortunately it is not inherited.

Very interesting article I have also worked with several,psychopaths in a professional capacity the people I have worked with can be extremely charming often ask probing questions ,try to lull som body into a false sense of security can be very manipulative but when things are not going their way can then turn everything that has benn said and done back on the professional. Many years ago I met a sixteen year old boy on a mental health ward there were lots of concerns about his behaviour one of the most chilling thing I heard was that as a twelve year old this boy had been asked to make sure his pet hamsters were to be looked after by someone whilst he went on a family holiday,so he poured bleach down the hamsters throat to kill them .I do wonder what became of that boy.

Antisocial Personality Disorder is one of the hardest personality disorders to treat, but it is possible to treat.

Also bear in mind that while sufferers are more likely to commit crimes and spend time in prison, they are also more likely to abuse drugs or alcohol, harm themselves or commit suicide - so they are as much a danger to themselves as other people.

Also keep in mind that as that article says, there are many people who have many many traits of the qualities associated with antisocial personality disorder - lack of empathy, lack of remorse etc - who actually fit ok into society and do reasonably well by other people.

This research is at a very, very early stage but the key seems to be that the people who have the traits but behave okay, have had a stable and loving background. This is a very broad generalization though.