Long Distance Relationship

[stokiestaz]

I just wondered if anybody could give me their opinion on what i should do, so here's the situation:

First of all i am bisexual 19 year old male.

About a month back i came across a guy on the Dating app 'Tinder' who is from Manchester (I am from Stoke). For anyone who knows how tinder works we 'matched' on there and due to us two being a match, we got talking and eventually we exchanged phone numbers and because we got a long so well, we arranged to meet (this is after about 3 weeks of texting and phone calls).

So anyway i eventually met the lad in Manchester, where we went on a date to the cinemas and out for dinner. We both really enjoyed each others company and we are intending to meet again, however, doubts have become to surface on his part, which he says are due to the fact he has never had a homosexual relationship and that its all new to him, which is fair enough. He said he wants to have 3 dates before we decide if we want to try anything more serious.

With the doubts that he has already raised and with the issue of us being an hour away from each other, it has made me question whether its worth the emotional investment. I just wondered what other peoples opinions are on long distance relationships? (Its all new to me) Should i go for the 3 dates to see how it goes? or am i setting myself up for a world of hurt? because already i feel myself falling for him!

I know it might seem a strange place for a 19 year old lad to seek advice, but i just wanted a different perspective than that of the 'lads from the pub' view haha!

cheers guys!

xxx

Could you cope with having him as a mate if he decided he didn't want to take things further?

i guess i would be open to being friends yeah, wouldn't be nice seeing him with somebody else though :(

This comes down to what you want out of a relationship. Do you really want to be someone's 'try-out' while they work through whether they're gay or not? Or do you want someone who has fewer doubts and is more enthusiastic about you and confident in themselves?

I would personally not be too thrilled if the man I met on a date announced that he was still trying to work out if he was straight... ... I certainly wouldn't wait three dates let alone be travelling any distance to find out if he'd made his mind up.

That's a bit harsh. They are both very young so it's understandable he may be questioning his sexuality when faced with the reality of dating. At least he's been honest.

OP - I would leave it if I were you and wish him well to avoid heartache later on.

I can't quite work out if he's serious about me or not, i really am getting mixed signals haha. Obviously i don't want to be someone's experiment though. i must admit though part of me is looking forward to the prospect of trying to make a long distance relationship work.

I don't think it's harsh to suggest to the OP that he doesn't have to be someone's 'introductory offer'. Let the Tinder bloke work out his inhibitions on someone else's time.

i think what i might do is meet him one more time before i make a final decision on whether to leave it or not. Because i just don't want to live with the thought of what might have been had i stuck around.

Did he say he's "figuring out", though? I didn't see that in the OPs post. I interpreted it to mean he's gay (or bisexual) but hasn't had a male-male relationship before so is potentially dropping it in for "I'm terrified of having sex the first time" and all the other firsts! Just like many people are the first time they have sex.

If he's not out, though, that's different....

Personally I wouldn't bother but that's because I am very lazy and the distance would mean I would never be able to see someone more than once every couple of weeks. On the plus side this does force you to be sensible, I suppose, and not move too fast.
If you like this guy and he is out (hardly trying it out for size if all his friends and family know) then maybe another one or two dates is worthwhile. I know you say you're falling for him but honestly after 3 dates if it goes tits up you'll get over it quick enough.

Don't go on 3 dates if you think that it's such a problem there's a good chance you'll back out after that, though. That would be a bit of a kick in the dick for the other guy.

Be honest... part of you is determined to convince him that he's gay.... :) You fancy him & he's playing the coy virgin & hard to get. You see him as a challenge. It's as old as the hills.

CogitoErgoSometimes - You summed it up pretty well ;)

Dirtybadger - I think a few of his best friends know, but in terms of family and the wider world, he's still in the closet haha! And I don't particularly want to back out at all really, but i just don't want to feel like i'm being used, so yeah i'll probably go and see him a couple more times and see where it goes from there.

I would just like to say that I'm the actual person in question, I found this a few months ago and would just like to say that we are going stronger than ever although the distance is a problem, I honestly couldn't of wished for a better partner and I'm really happy we continued talking, he's amazing and I wouldn't change him for the world :)

Aaaaawwww. Always nice when something works out.

I'm thinking he would of had to be looking for a guy on Tinder to get matched with you. That seems to me that a person has already decided a few things about how they feel.
Long distance wise, I guess it is if you don'y drive as otherwise it seems a fairly short trip from Man to Stoke - half hour or so by car? lol, just as I thought