OUCH!!

[astewart]

ExH of 13yrs has a new partner and it really hurts.
I left him over 15 months ago, we have 3 DC. He doesnt see two of them (his choice) and when he met his DP he asked the eldest who lived with him to leave.
Im with a new DP now.

Hes had girlfriends before and its never bothered me, until now. I know this woman although not well enough to speak to, we have friends in common etc. maybe thats why?
I wasnt prepared for this at all. Is it normal to feel like this?

He sounds absolutely lovely. Nothing to do with two children and kicks out the third?

Are you really bothered who he's with now? I wouldn't want a thing to do with him.

I think it's normal op. Not because you want him back, because this woman might be more in your life than you want. She knows your friends , so she's in your circle of comfort and maybe that's what's bothering you?
Tbh I wouldn't think much of a person who wants to be with someone who doesn't care for their children. Good luck to her.

Well his new GF has got herself a right catch there hasn't she?!

A man who can't be arsed with his children. Lucky her.

I think the fact I know her and shes stood back and watched him do this has a part in it too yes. I kind of expected a bit better from her, I felt a bit chuffed to start off with, in the hope she would make him see some sense....just nothing.

A very good friend of hers stopped me the other day, I told her I wasnt really interested but she wanted to tell me how disgusted she was with her "friend" the way they have treated the eldest, apparently theyve fallen out over it now, she did say they deserved each other because she was as selfish as him.
Its not just that though, I dont want him back, too much has happened. I think its just because he seems happy - god that sounds awful of me right? But how can you be happy when you havent got your children in your life?

I think I know what you mean. It's a bit like: someone who behaves like such a cunt doesn't deserve to be happy.

Those chickens will come home to roost one day though.

But she has a disaster ahead of her, hasn't she? Anyone looking at you and him when you were first seeing each other would see a loved up couple - they wouldn't see a prick who was going to dump his girlfriend and never see his children again! She is now what you were then, and soon she'll be what you are now.

You say you don't want him back because too much has happened? What about not wanting him back because he is an awful man?

You are worried he can't be happy without his children in his life - where's your concern for your own children, OP? This man is disgusting; you shouldn't be giving him a second thought!

hahahaha!! Thanks India, LOVE that naughty word and thats exactly what I call him!
I just cant stop thinking about them both. Them out together, enjoying theirselves whilst Im struggling to put food on the table etc.

I am a beliver in Karama though.

Is he supporting the children? Financially?

Just forget about the twat. He's someone else's problem now.

Thing is, it's not happy the way that we as sentient and emotionally healthy people feel happy, a pig feels happy rolling around in its own shit!
I certainly wouldn't and I doubt that you would either, let him enjoy his "happiness" and be glad that you are well out of it....

Imperial Im definitly not worried for his happiness, my DC are my main priority.

I left him, he didnt leave me. This is why I cant understand why its bothering me so much, I wanted out, I got out.

Too much has happened and in that I know what an awful man he is, they say you learn more about someone at the end of a relationship than you do the whole way through it....I learnt alright.

Yes Felicity! Perfect!
Love coming on here and being made to see sense!

I don't know, emotions don't make ANY sense sometimes. I felt weird the day my horrifically abusive ex married again. I left him, full of joy I was finally free of the bastard. So what was the feeling weird thing? I have no idea.

It's almost like all the reasons you had for leaving him, are wiped out cause the person they are with now can't see it. Does that make sense?

I understand sort of.. my partner left me for ow. I was upset at the time but the thing that makes me cross now is the frustration that she cannot see what an absolute twat he has been to me and what a dick he is in general.
I know all of us are on best behaviour at the beginning of a relationship but when my 'best behaviour' wears off I don't turn into an abusive philanderer

If he's as selfish and unpleasant as you say he is, and his new woman is as selfish and unpleasant as her friend says she is .. then it's a match made in heaven, or hell, depending on how you look at it. They are going to make each other's lives bloody miserable!

He might be acting all 'happy' now and 'enjoying themselves' .. but give it time. When you think of him tell yourself over and over you are FREE, FREE, FREE of the arsehole. You don't have to put up with him, she does, and you and your kids are well shot of the waste of space.

Change the way you look at him (and her) .. not from the perspective of feeling upset at his 'happiness' but from the perspective of someone who dumped his sorry arse and got free of him 15 months ago.

As for the Karma ... yep, it does have a habit of working its way around eventually (as I discovered to my great joy and delight ) .. and when it happens it can be sweet. But in the meantime you need to try and change the way you think about these two charmers. He's the same arsehole you were married to, the same one you got shot off - he hasn't suddenly turned into Prince Charming. She's got herself a turd and from the sounds of it so has he. The pigs rolling around in their own shit analogy up above is very apt!

My complete perspective changed around 11am this morning.
Phone call to DS went like this:
Hi DS, good morning at work? Just at nans waiting for you.
Hi mum, just popped to dads for some dinner, can you leave me some money at nans?
I've no change on me, ask dad for a couple of quid.
DS asks dad for some money.
Dad: "your no my responsibility anymore, mum provides for you"

Dick. Head!!

Have you taken him to court over maintenance payments?

What a complete and utter knob end.

No? Can I do that?
I started csa last week. Just waiting to hear.

Hes emailed me this weekend to tell me hes "extremely happy, hed like to see the kids, the kids would LOVE her and they'd benefit from a relationship with her sooooo much" blah!

Blah blah blah de blah.

Moron!

I wonder how cheery he'll be when he receives the bill for maintenance. Including backdated lump sum if possible.

(Hold on. His comeuppance will come..)