If you think a friend is upset with you

[lost366]

should you ask them about it or keep out of the way and hope things sort themselves out.

I have a male colleague that I have what I thought was a good friendship with. Recently we had to work closely together on a project and by the end of it the friendship seemed to be a bit terse e.g. he sent one word answers to text messages instead of usual chatty replies and avoided telling me things that we would usually chat about. I thought it was just because we'd spent too much time together so I kept out of his way for a bit and deliberately didn't contact him about things I usually would (e.g. to ask if he was going to work social events).

I briefly ran into him this week and he was still 'off' with me. I didn't want to ask if I'd done something wrong because 1) we were at work and 2) last time I asked if I'd done something to annoy him (several months ago) he turned my question round on me and made it seem like I was the one with the problem.

I'm tempted to text him and ask what's up, mainly so that I don't keep wondering if I've done something wrong. But I'm also wondering if I should continue keeping out of the way and hope that eventually he will start to be friendly again.

I know this is a pretty trivial problem compared to most on this board but I'd welcome any advice.

Hmmm.

It could be literally anything. For a situation like this, where you aren't particularly invested in the friendship, I would just ignore the situation.

Stop being friendly with him, and just be professional and courteous. I don't mean this nastily, but it's the office, not university. Who cares if he is suddenly being a bit of a dick towards you?

If he starts being actively rude, then call him out on it immediately and report him to HR. Until then, just don't let it get to you. Life is too short to spend it worrying about stuff like this.

is he married?

maybe he found himself fancying you a bit, and is trying hard to distance himself?

I think the crux to this is that the friend is a man and you thought you had a friendship. Platonic friendships are often hard to manage. How do you define 'friendship'? Is he someone you saw out of work or is he just a colleague? Did this friendship become flirty?

Is he married or in a relationship? Are you?

What comes over as clear as crystal from your post is that you have moved the working relationship onto the verge of something else and he's not comfortable with it.
Maybe he's attracted to you but is committed to someone else so he is backing off to avoid temptation or giving you the wrong impression.
Maybe he thinks you are chasing him for a relationship?

He clearly wants to back off- and wants you to back off- so leave it otherwise you risk embarrassing and annoyingh im further.

Just leave it. Especially as you tried asking last time and it went badly. Maybe he is just moody/blows hot and cold with people.

I don't.

If someone starts being funny with me I just ignore it.

I am not nasty intentionally, so if I have done something, it was inadvertent. I expect that someone says something to me if they are unhappy with me - I didn't like that, or I'm unhappy with X or something.

We can talk about it and thrash it out. I'm happy to apologise if I've upset someone.

If they choose not to address an issue like a grown up and instead choose to trip over their lip, then I'm not wasting my time running round after them begging and pleading to please talk to me please tell me what I did pleeeeeease forgive me.

bugger that.

Sulking or being off with someone is manipulative and should not be engaged with.

I suggest that you just get on with your days without him. He's your colleague not your pal, so be professional when your paths cross and let him get on with it.

He's a colleague / friend that I usually see regularly outside work as well but I definitely wouldn't describe our relationship as flirty, I would describe us as mates. The thing that made me think this is something about me and not some general issue is that when I ran into him I asked him if he'd spoken to colleague X recently, another female colleague that we both also socialize with and he made it clear that he'd been chatting to her regularly since I last spoke to him.

I don't understand the point you are making in that post- why would he tell you he had spoken to another colleague?

is he married?
Are you?

He fancies you,the way he mentioned the other female collegue was to gauge your reaction.Too see if you are jealous.
You havent said whether you or your collegue are married.

We're both single but as I said above I don't think there's any attraction. And I asked about the other colleague to see if he was being off with everyone or just me.

Sounds like he is playing with your emotions.

I'd ignore him. Come next week, he'll probably be acting friendly again towards you - seeing as you've mentioned that he has done this before.

Who needs friends that blow hot and cold! Just let it be.

My thought was that he has started a relationship and the GF didn't want him having female friends.

I had a male friend suddenly fall off the radar; it turned out when I ran into him by chance much later that he'd started seeing a woman who had gone through his phone and deleted all of his female contacts (including his sister).

I know the situations aren't exactly alike as you are still in contact, but never underestimate the influence of a jealous girlfriend.