Aftermath of an abusive relationship. Did u screw your kids up?

[Youvefuckedup]

I've been worrying for a long time time now about my beautiful darling dd1. (19) she had a shit up bringing. I was a shit mum. I'm a new mum to a new baby so know how shit I was - it fucking crucifies me.

My absolute stunner amazing dd1 has surpassed any expectations I had for her and is a real lady but tonight out off miss giving gas she shown her damaged side. And that was my fault.

She is 19.

I had her when u as 16, I'm ashamed to say I wasn't mother material at that time but I bloody love her and had lots of family help. She was with mil while I fucked up in relationships.

I know it's effected he regardless what she says.

Would you consider accessing some counselling help for her or with her? I think the fact that you are aware of an issue is a massive step, btw.

Where was the abusive relationship? You mention it in the title but not in your original post.

You're also vague about how she 'showed her damaged side'. I'm not minimising here but who isn't vulnerable at 19?

Fwiw my kids are screwed up. Whether I screwed them up or not isn't clear. I was a half dead mother trying to bring them up with my (wealthy) abusive ex, their (beloved) father, making my life hell. In those days the courts didn't recognise eg serial litigation or mucking about with maintenance/access/everyrhing as abuse. I was their human shield, bombed half to death, and it took its toll. It wasn't great for my kids.

It's easy to look back and feel remorse and guilt over our parenting, particularly if it looks like it had some gaping errors - but i do think even 'good' parents look back and wince at some of the things they did or choices they made etc. Most often we did the very best we could at the the time. You were so young when you had her, a child, younger than she is now.

Maybe get some therapy for yourself, too. You need to process your guilt away from her iyswim.

You did what you could. Please stop beating yourself up about it. Now do what's best x