What am I doing here?

[Pyjamaramadrama]

I really don't know what I'm doing here.

I've been with my 'd'p a number of years and he won't commit, won't move in together, says he will but never does, says it's because the travelling to work is too much and that he can't do it. Then he says he's definitely going to get a new job.

I'm pregnant, I didn't even tell him straight away but I really hoped that he would take the small steps to commit to the relationship. But of course he hasn't, and I guess he won't.

He never asks how I'm feeling, if I ask him to do a small thing after work because I'm tired he says that he's more tired because his job is harder than mine.

Don't get me wrong like most he can be lovely kind and considerate. But the rest of the time he's just a selfish wet blanket.

I've fucked up big time, I'm lying here in bed tears running, I've got a beautiful ds in the next room asleep. I just feel sick and so alone.

I don't think I could possibly have a termination and I'm past the first trimester anyway.

So what, me ds and a baby on our own?

I pick the most awful, cowardly horrible men, I've had horrible experiences with men my whole life. I'm not capable of having a loving relationship.

Ds is the only person who brings me any happiness in life.

I wish I could just run away with ds and the baby away from it all.

Hugs Pyjama
I am sorry you feel shit. Life is hard sometimes. I don't think I have enough experience to offer more than a handhold. I can say however, being a happy single parent is better than being in an unhappy couple. I left my childs father, was the best decision I made. I got to know myself, enjoyed my son, made my own decisions and became more confident about myself. Can you make plans for your future? Do you have real life support to get you through?

Sorry you're feeling so low!

It's time to take action and set the agenda yourself. You've spent too long letting him choose where to put the goal posts only to have him move them again.

People that keep one foot out of the relationship are only in it for convenience and nothing you do or say can change them or inspire them into commitment. Don't remember who said it but someone around here once said "you can't control other people's actions but you can control your reaction"

If you read him the riot act then he may well come around and find himself dedicated to building a life with you but that rarely ends well and more often than not ends up in self-reproach and self-loathing.

You need to start thinking about the practicalities / legalities of separation. Are you working? Do you have joint finances / mortgage / rent? Can you try and get a 30 min free legal consultation to see how a split would look theoretically?

Eventually once you're out of this try and look into why you go for these types of relationships as you say you pick the same kind of man each time.

You Ds and new born doesn't sound 'on our own' to me at all! It sounds like the beginning of a happy family. Don't think of yourself as having 'fucked up' you have tried and now you have found that you can no longer play this game, see it as an awakening.

Keep posting here for support and from my own experience I can tell you it will be a roller coaster of emotions but once you've hit the bottom... I like to think that up is the only direction to go!