Half pissed DD1,DD2 and DP

[Youvefuckedup]

So today me and dd2 (16 months) where invited for tea at my friends, there I had 2 glasses of wine. When I got in dd2 (19) was just getting in from work.

I must add here that dd1 had been with me through a terrible abusive relationship and seen and heard things she shouldn't have.

Dp came home, he had his tea, we had a 'discussion' about an issue (at no point had either if us be one shouty - maybe me a little ) about half hour later dd2 started crying, a habit that as only started this week, at the same time me and dp we trying to shut patio door which is really temperamental and makes a loud bang. We choose to let her CIO for about five mns.

Then Dd1 came flying down the stairs shouting " have you just hit her? Have you? Have you? " dp was rooted to the spot. He was just trying to put the door in and she as accusing him off hitting me.

Dp has never raised a whisper to me.

I ushered her up stairs and said she she was bang out of order and needed to apologise. She said she couldnt cope withy the lack of sleep.

I'm sat here crying my eyes out knowing that all my dickhead head years have effected my dd1. That she thought that the banging was me being knocked about. I've been with dp for four years we have never been physical - ever. She was shouting at him in my defence and that fuckng kills me. There was actually nothing to shout at but she woke up and thought I was in trouble and flew down stairs. It's been 10 years since I left abusive ex.

Dp has gone to bed, don't know how to approach this tomorrow.

Presumably because 16mo DD2 was crying Cog

The timeline of the incident seems to be just after tea.... which places it early evening.... so I don't think DD1 would have been asleep. Is she saying that the toddler is keeping her up nights? If so - and even allowing for the historical DV - fatigue would explain the extreme reaction.

BTW... was she specifically accusing DP of hitting you OP.... or was 'have you just hit her?' referring to the crying baby?

Hugs to you. This sent shivers down my spine. Let this thread be a warning to all other women out there who are allowing their dc to witness domestic violence.

You moved on very quickly from a very abusive relationship. Your DD2 is 16 months old so you were pregnant 1.5 years after leaving that relationship. That is very, very quick. Added to that, your DD1 didn't like your DP. That makes it even quicker.

It sounds as though you and your DD1 have moved on without healing from the previous relationship. You believe you are coping well, but she clearly isn't. She still sees herself as your saviour, that she is there to protect you.

It might be time for her to move out and live with friends her own age so that she doesn't have to live in this way.

I'm still not convinced that the DD didn't think they were hitting the baby rather than the OP being the subject of assault. Makes more sense if you think about. Loud noise, raised voices and a baby yelling.... 'Have you just hit her?' i.e. the crying baby.

OP did you ever hit your older DD?

Cogito, the baby was upstairs and so was the elder daughter, so that seems unlikely. If her daughter has grown up seeing men beat up her mum, when she hears raised voices and a crash, she's more likely to think history is repeating itself. Her little sister wasn't around when all that was going on.

The OP doesn't actually say the baby was upstairs at the time. Everyone, the OP included, is leaping to the assumption that the DD was accusing the DP of DV based on a loud noise and some raised voices. This may be the case... not saying it isn't. However, the older DD didn't say much, mentions being stressed from lack of sleep and, given that the baby had been crying for 5 minutes (a noise which plenty of people can't stand... ) the accusation of 'are you hitting her?' has more than one interpretation.

But she says:

"Then Dd1 came flying down the stairs shouting " have you just hit her? Have you? Have you? " dp was rooted to the spot. He was just trying to put the door in and she as accusing him off hitting me.

Dp has never raised a whisper to me."

I just need some clarification. There you have what, by all accounts, is a placid man dealing with a sticky door and a woman with a slightly raised voice (the OP).... The only person screaming their head off is the baby.