How long is a long term relationship?

[partyskirt]

I'm quite surprised by replies on another post in relationships saying that a woman who had married/had a baby within the first two years of a relationship had moved far too quickly.

(Fair enough, her husband has turned out to be cheating, but I don't think that's related).

I just wondered how long people did think you should wait before moving in/having kids/marrying. Some of the best older couples I know got married within months!

I was engaged in 2 months, married in 8, pregnant in less than 2 years from our first date. And still together after 23 years...

I don't think it's about time so much as attitude. We were both pretty clear this was right for us from very early days. Some people aren't. That's not right or wrong, so long as they don't rush in when they don't feel they are both ready for it and on the same page.

Living together after 8 months married after 5 years and baby on the way after 8 years together. Happy.

I don't think it's anyones business to tell someone else whether their relationship is going to fast or slow. Horses for courses.

There is no "should" about it IMO. The only thing I would say is that if you become dependent on someone quite quickly (in terms of sharing accommodation, leaving a job in order to move to your partner's town, having a baby) then you do run quite a big risk as you don't know if that person is then going to leave you high and dry. That said, even a partner of 20 years can let you down, so being with someone a long time is no guarantee of security.

We were married and I was upduffed within a year.

23 years married on sunday :-)

I agree with the PP. The important thing is to get to know someone as well as possible before completely committing with children, finances, relocation or whatever. I'd say it takes 3-6 months for someone you just met to start dropping their artificial 'date face' and it can be a year or more to start seeing them as they really are - usually as a result of there being some kind of crisis. People under pressure tend to reveal all kinds of things about themselves. Doesn't mean they can't go on & shock you twenty years down the road, but it's not a bad benchmark

Agree with cailindana about protecting yourself. There was no way I was going to have a baby without being married first as I was a divorce lawyer at the time so wanted to have max legal protection.

I think it partly depends on your age as well. The older you are, quite often the more experience you have in relationships, and therefore can figure out if the relationship is right for you or not pretty quickly. And by older I mean thirties upwards. At that point too most people have gone through the typical life changes of moving places, jobs, going through bad personal things like grief, etc.

I would find it very odd if two people in their early twenties were married with a baby within two years of dating. I wouldn't feel the same way about someone in their late thirties. Maybe that's ageist, but whatever.

I would personally view a long term relationship as two years or more. A year just isn't that long to be with someone.

We got engaged after three years, and will have been together for four years by the time we get married. I don't think that's the "right" thing to do, but I'd say it's not an extreme in any direction. Long enough to really know someone (unless they are deliberately manipulating you), but not "excessively" long so that people stop even asking if we are ever going to get married.

Type thing.

We were married after 10 months. 13 years next week. We were married 5 years before we had DS though.

Also I was 18 so don't necessarily agree with needing to be older to move faster

Moved in together after 6 weeks (and he was travelling for four of those), married after six months and that was twelve years ago.

We were mid thirties and I had avoided going on dates for two years after ending a previous relationship (worked in a very male dominated environment) as I was just not interested.

I don't think time comes into it if you are mature enough to know what you want (more importantly what you don't want).

Orangetart - I'm not saying it CAN'T ever work if the people are younger. I am saying that the odds of it working out at such a young age are very, very, very small.

My parents are still together and my mum was married at 19.

However, they are the only couple that got married young and are still together amongst their peers.

Mumblechum - same time scales here, but Monday! and I got divorced

In my experience the first 2years if a relationship can still be the honeymoon period, mostly because you haven't hit lifes challenges within that time.It does take at least that time to get to know someone.I think you can be lucky and meet the right person and for it to work within 2 years but in my case I wish I had waited 2 years before making a commitment because I certainly knew more after 2 years.Granted I was young and didn't know myself and I had previously been quite sheltered and assumed my partner would have similar values to me