I'm going to end marriage today.

[Edtfdess]

I posted laat week about my shitty life.

I've had it this morning. My husband deliberately did something to provoke a reaction. I knew he was doing, I should have just let it go but I had no sleep last night due to teething baby and I said exactly what I knew he'd be expecting, when I should have just let it go like I usually do.

He's just sent me some texts with are so disrespectful and plain nasty.

He's such a strange man and I'm done now.

What preparations have you made for the end of the marriage? Legal advice? Separation arrangements? Are you planning to say 'it's over' and play it by ear or do you have a reasonable idea what should happen next?

No plans.

I have no job, no family, no friends, no money. But I can't live like this a second longer.

Am I being rash?

Then I suggest you make a plan before you call time. I haven't read your other thread so I don't know the dynamic but if he does things to 'provoke a reaction' I think you need to be a couple of steps ahead and anticipate his next move. Is there any risk of aggression?

No you're not being rash.
But you do need to get a plan in place...even just an immediate one.

I recommend that you go and see a solicitor today - have a look online for companies near you that offer a 30 minute free consultation.

Ask them practical questions - can you make him leave the house whilst you are caring for a young baby? How does the process work? What can you do to prevent him getting nasty? etc. Get all the information you need so he can't blind side you.

When you get back, ring the police and advise them that you will be separating from an abusive partner this evening, you have a baby in the household, and would like them to put any calls from your number on high alert.

If you can bear it, I would strongly advise getting a friend over to be there when you tell him it's over. They don't have to be RIGHT THERE in the room with you, but just nearby. He is less likely to kick off if he knows there is a witness. Also, if he is too stupid to realise that, then you HAVE a witness if he kicks off. And also someone to call the police on your behalf if you can't get to the phone. And someone to be making sure baby is okay whilst this is going on. I would recommend a female friend to prevent moronic accusations of an affair, but a male relative could also work.

I think you are totally doing the right thing. He sounds like a fucking cretin, and I am sure that your life will improve IMMEASURABLY without him.

I've no idea if you're being rash. The few lines you've written about provocation, disrespect and 'plain nasty' don't sound like a particularly happy or healthy relationship. If you're isolated, jobless and have no money either, that won't help. Don't know if you've considered separation as a first step & not sure if counselling is appropriate.

Do you think you're overreacting?

If you don't have any friends in the area, then you know what? If you feel up to it, you could ask a neighbour for their help. They will probably already know what a complete dick he is. And even if they don't, after they hear one of his tirades, they will figure it out pretty quickly.

If you aren't comfortable asking them to actually be in your house, you could just explain that you would appreciate them keeping an ear out this evening, and if there is any shouting, to call the police immediately.

The vast majority of people would be happy to do this. If they hear shouting normally, they probably don't want to get involved as they don't know what's going on, but if a woman with a small child specifically asks them to in advance, they will probably be there with an ear against the wall, with their fingers hovering over the number "9" on their phones.

Don't be ashamed in asking them for help.

OP - you aren't being rash.

Cogito - this is the previous THREAD

OP - urgh, sorry for all the posts, but you should probably consider ringing WOMEN'S AID as well. The link is below.

www.womensaid.org.uk/

Your husband is - at BEST - verbally abusive. You mention in your previous thread that he calls you a cunt, etc.

They will also be able to give you some advice, and I hear that they are extremely helpful in helping you realise that there is a better life to be had.

(Have now read some of thread) .... What a bizarre little man!

My personal favourite was the line about the Japanese.

That's a classic.

I think kaykayblue's suggestion of solicitor and police is a good idea if you cannot bear another moment with this man and you feel that he is a danger to you. Do be aware that getting him to leave may be a very tricky operation. You are better to play it safe and plan this properly.

No I'm not overreacting. He's a very odd person.

I have posted about him at length in here under this name and previous names. Its always been a resounding LTB.

Then definitely make a plan. You're dealing with someone who seems rather stupid and has an inflated idea of their own opinion. To fight that you need rock solid information, probably legal back-up , and leave nothing to chance. In preparation for the moment you say 'it's over' you need to have a really good idea of what happens next, who goes where, who pays what to whom, how the parenting arrangements will be split etc.... Even if things subsequently change, it helps to have your objectives clear.

'Fail to plan and you plan to fail'

Well then I agree with PP.
Contact Womens Aid.
They can help you with solicitors, housing, benefits, getting away, getting an exit plan in place.
As you have no family or friends to go to you will need them.
Or Shelter may be able to help you with housing as well.

Do you have access to money at all?
Can you start squirrelling some away?

I have just read your other thread - throw in some violence and that was me 12 years ago! I threatened to leave and he threatened to kills me. It sounds like you are used to playing the stepford wife to placate him. My suggestion would be to spend the next month or so playing the best act you can (I did exactly the same - on the advice of the wife before me who left in the same way) meanwhile quietly sorting out somewhere for you and your child to move to. There is nothing wrong with going onto benefits to help you through this transitional period, it is there for people who need it to help them through difficulties. I would also look at getting help from a charity that specialises in this.
Don't dismiss those mothers you know through playgroup etc, some of my best friends were girls I met when DS was a baby. I was rock bottom hen I first met them and years later they all confessed (in a very nice way) that I had been stand-offish with them in the early days. This man has eroded your confidence and there is every chance that you are keeping people at arms length to avoid any more hurt. Don't. Throw yourself into meeting people and moving into a more positive phase in your life - even whilst you are still physically living with him. If you can't face it then concentrate on doing it for a better life for your child. Telling myself that it was for DS helped me get through a lot.

Sorry for typos - fecking iPhone...

glad you've had enough and feel ready.

no time to post much but i remember your thread and hoping you'd find the oompf to get out.

Well done Op, you have made the biggest step and are very courageous in doing so! Agreed, get a rough idea of where you stand. Where will you live, benefits, child maintenance, etc. And then tell people in RL who can help you through this, even if it's just your GP or other professionals. Seek counselling now so you can get on any waiting lists. You will need therapy to help sort yourself out.
Keep one thing in mind from here on out to help you guide your decisions or to give you strength through the really bad days: YOU are your priority now. Take care of YOU first and foremost (of course your DD as well, that goes without saying). Whatever may pop up in this shit storm, keep asking yourself, 'Is this best for ME?' If it isn't, then steer clear. Life is very simple now from that perspective. You do whats best for you.
This is the worst bit. Do whatever you need to do to get through it. Peace is on the other side.

Get the paperwork together. Birth certs (you and baby) Insurance, bank statements if possible. Qualification certs. There is probably good advice somewhere on here.
Pack what you need for you and LO - not too much as you will have to transport it.
Conceal all this ready to make the break at the right moment.
MN says LTB but only you can do that.
Good Luck with a new happier life.

www.rightsofwomen.org.uk

useful organisation, free legal advice

It's not about not having access to money, it's actually me who controls the money, accounts, bills etc. it's just that it all goes on rent, bills and food, so there is never any left.

One of the drawbacks of separation is the extra cost of setting up two homes instead of one but there is potentially help available in the form of tax credits and other benefits if you're not working. That's what I mean about planning. Work out in advance where your income will be coming from, where you'll relocate (if necessary), how to split the parenting so that you can both get into paid employment etc.