Should I stay or give it a go

[blondeandstripey]

Hi, new to this site but have been lurking for awhile. I have recently left a 15 month relationship, usual story met him on pof, all was wonderful for the first few months and then the real truth came out I.e. Didn't own his own house when he said he did, didn't have the job advertised that he said he was, completely in debt and turned out to be an ea.. Which it took me time to see but got out although he did knock my self esteem.. Any way have met a new guy, really lovely but he has a very high sex drive and has been diagnosed with hyper sexuality.. Basically he has to wank a lot to get the release feeling, we have DTD and he has said when making love to me is great and is nothing like just getting the release sensation. Should I be worried about this? I don't want to become something seen as just a sexual plaything as I would really like a relationship. Although the sex is very good am I in danger of just becoming his piece... Would welcome any views.. Many thanks

Run fast in the opposite direction.

And who diagnosed him with hyper sexuality exactly?. You've basically walked from one EA relationship into another relationship that is not up to scratch either, this man will also knock your self esteem further.

I would look at Womens Aid Freedom Programme as well now given that your last relationship was emotionally abusive.

He sounds like a porn addict, and I would advise running so fast in the opposite direction that there is a blondeandstripey shaped hole in the wall.

Thanks for the quick response .. I did wonder but he told me straight up and didn't hide it and wanted to explain up front to see how I felt. His last long relationship of 9 years and his ex wife both knew and accepted it but I am not sure of what it actually means, he says he went to the doctors and was given tablets to numb some of the senses... In all other ways he is great , very generous , very open and loving and seems to like me a lot although early days for us both yet... So I guess I should cut and run before I get in too deep .. He says he does watch porn , not sure how much as he works longs hours but I guess you can always fit it in ?

I hope you are still going to run fast in the opposite direction. His story does not sound at all plausible either; he was given tablets to numb some of his senses indeed?!. He does sound like he watches an awful lot of porn.

Run like the wind.

Sounds like you're not comfortable with it.

Respect your own instincts.

Run away. Now.

I get your responses totally but as he was so upfront should I talk to him about it depth before I go..ie what does it actually mean on a day to day basis . He was quite emotional when he told me and said sorry I have a high sex drive.. He works hard, fit and healthy and is solvent and looks after his dad Who has dementia . I think he may have had some sort of depression years ago due to a close bereavement and the end of a relationship which may have triggered this type if need. He did have some sort of councilling but I am not sure what The tablets he was given were the opposite to Viagra .. I suppose I just need a happy chap and not this

If you're tying your brain in knots trying to force yourself to feel comfortable with a situation, then you are clearly NOT comfortable with it.

And that's ok. You don't owe him a relationship. You DO owe YOURSELF self-respect, though. And that means not forcing yourself into a situation you are clearly feeling iffy about.

I've just read this. It's much more than having a high sex drive and residential treatment seems to be the best thing.

Whether he has this or not, whether he's self-diagnosed or not, I wouldn't want to be with someone who had uncontrollable sexual urges.

The website I linked to above says this about medication:

Sorry, try again. The website I linked to above says this about medication:

Medication – Medication often plays a key role in hypersexual disorder treatment. Some medications may help reduce compulsive behaviours and obsessive thoughts. Other medications may target specific hormones associated with sex addiction or reduce accompanying symptoms such as depression or anxiety.

Nothing about knob-numb-ers there, OP!

Thankyou for the link.. It certainly has opened my eyes up.. I think I need to completely establish what his diagnosis was as when as when we are out for an evening nothing untowards is apparent.. Maybe I got the wording wrong .. Will chat tonight tonight when he calls to see if I can understand... Not totally comfortable but I think knowing him as I do he will say what it is honestly! I hope so .... Some part of me wants to run but another part is that since I have known him he hasn't done anything bad to me apart from treat me with respect

Worried about a man who prefers wanking to sex with you ? This man is twisted and delusional and this activity will escalate especially if he thinks he is normal . He needs help but not from you . Get out while you can .

Tell him to come back to you when he is better. He is a sex addict, needs to stop watching porn and get his life back. I think that would be fair and he would understand. And you get to keep your options open in case he does happen to be the One.

Drum, it's not that he prefers it, he does say that making love to me is the best.. Just that he has to have extra activity as he feels the urge.., not sure what to make of it

Only self pleasure at times.. I don't think he is into anything more than that apart from watching porn at times.. Although I don't know how often certainly not when I am with him

If there is a possibility of sex addiction why would you want to commit to that ? You are being naive

Don't automatically trust him because he has been 'honest' with you about this.

Firstly, because it's not exactly an ok thing anyway. Not like he was confessing to snoring; and secondly, because some people confess early deliberately to elicit this exact response. It can be very manipulative.