oh please someone help, i don't know what to do

[JellyNump]

DH is acting oddly, i think perhaps a breakdown or depression? our ds died at 9 weeks in 2005 and we now have 7 month old dd. poast 2 weeks have been hell. he went to a psychiatrist as his work said they thought he may have post traumatic stress as his memory is really bad and apparently he couldnt even remember his name. he now says he has loads of past issues to deal with eg: an ex split up with him but he feels guilty as apparently she is now on drugs, i said this wasn't his fault it was her choice. i found out he also has a compulsion to lie about ridiculous things, which im not angry at him for but i am shocked eg: living in US when actually he didnt. he has said he doesnt know if he loves me or not but wants to work at our marriage (which is a good thing) but we are about to move house and he wants to share a bed but have no physical side to the marriage so essentially it'd be like 2 friends living together. I dont know if im coming or going, im so hurt and upset and scared as i dont want to split up. he also has a friend who he talks to a lot at work, who is female, i dont have a problem with him having female friends but i do when he asks if i'd feel awkward if she went to his friends house with him for a weekend and said normally he'd like to walk down the street with his arm round her but is afraid that someone sees and tells me id give him an ear full!?!?!??! am i wrong to think this is inappropriate behaviour? he swears nothing is going on and i want to believe him but all of this is making it very hard to do so. ive tried talking to him, me and dd have come to BIL's to give him space for a few days which is what he wanted. he says also he wants to be able to go out with his friends whenever he likes, which really i have no problem with but for the past 2 years we have been struggling to pay bills and do our very old house up as a lot more was needed doing to it when we moved in than expected. I'm so stuck, im trying to keep sane for dd's sake but also trying to save my marriage and im in a mess. can anyone help at all? i have tried talking to him but he's very irrational.

but what do i do now, i dont really want to split up but i would like the truth about everything, so at least then i cant make my mind up knowing all the facts. if i ask about it, i get 'im trying to forget that time in my life' and its still niggling away at me or i get a really angry reaction, im at the point where i dont care, i just want truth!!!

JN

i would strongly suggest some sort of couples counselling.

it's all very well for him to say he's trying to forget but it's not fair to you.

if nothing else something like relate might help him to see things from your perspective.

my dh has just begun therapy with a new physchiatrist and he has recommended a book called "Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps".

Actually I took umbridge at the title but I've started reading it a bit and it makes some sense regarding how men and women think/act differently.

I'm waiting to see if I am included in the therapy this time around. I sincerely hope so as I don't think we have any hope of surviving if I'm not.....

Really hope you get things sorted adn that 2007 is better for you.

i do feel for you jellynump... i went through a difficult patch with an ex regarding whether he had cheated and iwas simply tormented and obsessed at one stage

this may sound a bit wishy washy, but after some counselling i managed to get more clear in my head and work out the truth that i was looking for regarding things and you know, it was much easier to get that peaceful answer within than try to get my ex to speak the truth, he too was showing signs of being delusional so i do know how frustrating tht can be

but back to what you can do. i realised that our intuition is stronger than we realise, its just sometimes the mind gets so hung up on things that we cant access that part of our brain to find the truth or any answers in fact

and who knows you may be like me and realise that the truth is just a smokescreen for other issues that are more important. i laid to rest his infidelity and looked at the bigger picture - which actually was to do with his alcoholism and realised i had to leave.

if you can try and have a day or two where you just dont think about it at all and then go someplace really quiet and sort of breathe deeply and just totally chill and then you'll find you know the answers there - by scratching the scab off the whole time, sorry, grim analogy you're just making things more frantic in your mind

i hope you can get some peace soon especially after all you've been through

and i do apologise if this is a bit hippy dippy sounding - im so tired and not really making sense but i know that this kind of approach has been calmer and more productive for me

take care x