My parents

[yeahyeahyeahmama]

So my parents were watching my 2 dd's 3yrs & 18 months for 3.5 hours so i could work i am self employed so this happens infrequently & really only in last 3 wks as i have been able to keep all the work appointments to evenings and weekends.
Mu dad had my 18MO up on windowsill with open window he says he wasnt thinking he is sorry i dont know detail but somehow she fell out 15 feet onto patio driveway, we are luky she's alive she has hairline skull fracture and we are so relieved all the docs said to fall that height is a miracle if she had landed on her head would be dead!

So my parents ambushed us a couple of days from getting out of hospital the whole time i was keeping them updated. I asked them wth happened exactly and my dad said curtain was shut so he thought window waa closed - but then why was she up on the windowsill that means she would be standing on curtain?!?! Also what view would he beholding her up to look on?!

So i told my parents to come but when my husband and i are in to supervise and my mum just got all shitty and said leave it then! Shes totally not appreciating the aftermath of shit we have been left to deal with: 3 yr old nightmares after seeing it all, then theres social services closed the case but this really upsets me that both my dds are on their list somewhere?! Childrens centre and health visitors - and i still dont understand wth my dad was doing and haven't had what i feel is an honest account.
Thn it gets worse my parents tried to give me a
Cheque for £1000 - i mean how fucking distasteful and inappropriate?!?!
I thought they loved the girls and weren't this stubborn and bitter but it looks like they are so they are going to miss out and the fact that they've been arsey to me i feel so angry if they try and get back into the girls lives then its too late i am gonna cut them off!
Anyone else got nasty family that you didnt see them for what they are until a tragedy hit......selfish, self absorbed, incompetent and damn right dangerous! Makes me very angry and upset!!!

You have every right to be upset. It all sounds very suspicious, I would want a full explanation. And as for the money, it sounds like a guilty conscience. Are you sure either of them were there or even saw it happen? I'd back off, call their bluff, if they're that bothered about contact with your girls, they'll agree to it being supervised on your terms. If not then you're well rid.

Thanks yeah i cant work it out if its a proud old fashioned generational thing or i just didnt realise they're idiots until now.
I think they were both there from what my 3yo says even though it contradicts them i believe her more as i feel its all a bit suspicious.
Now the relief has gone i am sooooo angry am gonna get rid of them

I appreciate that what has happened is terrible and traumatic. However Your Parents were kindly looking after your children and they have said they are sorry and given you an explanation. I really don't think you can rely on a 3 year olds version.
If they love your children ( which you say they do ) like I love my grandchildren they will be mortified and as traumatised as you. They will also be feeling unbelievably guilty.

I personally live in dread of anything happening to my grandchildren on my watch. Even more than my own children, but accidents do happen. Small children do stupid things and they can do them in a flash.

So is there more to this than you are telling us? Did you feel unhappy about leaving them with your parents in the first place? Are they usually careless about looking after them? Presumably they had looked after your 3 year old successfully during the last 3 years without mishap?

The money thing is a bit odd. They obviously had to think about the giving of the money. Perhaps they thought you had incurred expense going to the hospital etc, suffered trauma , and been approached by the Social Services, perhaps this was their non verbal way of expressing sorrow at what had happened and possibly this was their way of trying to make it better for you.
I know you are very angry with them for what happened but I think they will be suffering too.

If your loving parents made this one terrible mistake I think could eventually forgive them. If they were careless and usually a liability when looking after your children but you still left them in charge, perhaps you can't forgive yourself?
Anyway at least your DD is Ok which is the main thing.

i'm not exactly sure what you're saying in your post, what do you mean by ambushed?

thank god your child is ok. what a horrible shock for you all.

you are going to have to understand that you'll never know for sure what happened, so you'll have to focus on the fact that your dd is ok.

you're not 'on a list', they have to refer all accidents to children to ss. my ds was burnt earlier in the year and it was referred to the ss local to the hospital who followed it up, they then referred it to my local ss. who didn't contact me.

until we know more about how your parents are generally it's difficult to see what the situation really is, and whethher you need to worry, or review the way you manage your life/childcare etc

What a terrible thing to happen and thank goodness your little girl wasn't more seriously hurt, very lucky escape.

Assuming before this they were loving, conscientious grandparents I am sure that they were shocked and horrified by what took place and your dad must have relived that day multiple times since. Of course you must have many misgivings and concerns so it is bound to affect the trust in them as babysitters.

From what you say - obviously you know them, I don't - wonder if the cheque was intended as a big apology? not a way of pretending that nothing happened, nor implying anyone can put a price on forgiveness. It may have been clumsy but maybe the intention was well-meant.

Are you sure you want to go no contact? The shock and worry must have been huge, how long ago was this?

Accidents do happen - we all need eyes in the back of our heads sometimes - but an 18 month old up on a window sill in your dad's care hardly fills you with confidence. Your mum is reacting as though now offended you might suspect that she and your dad were negligent. But the outcome could have been tragic.

How does your DH feel towards them? If you don't feel your parents gave a satisfactory explanation or are taking this too lightly, then talking face to face about it in a non confrontational way or pouring this out in a letter might get your point across. Not knowing back history maybe they have form for failing to grasp what you think is important.

Your DD is very very lucky - this happened to the DS of my neighbour when he was 18mths (that was 13 yrs ago) he was left severely brain damaged.

His DM was out with the eldest child and the DF was left with a 5yr old DD and the toddler, he was doing DIY and the kids were playing hide & seek only when the 5yr old couldn't find her brother after a long time did she go to her DF and tell him. They can only assume he somehow managed to climb on the window ledge to hide behind the curtain and fell out of the open window - no one will ever know for sure.

And you will never know, but please be grateful that your DD has survived this terrible accident with relatively minor injuries.