Body confidence at new low postnatally. Will I ever meet anyone again?

[Poycastle]

Wasn't sure where to post this.

I'm single and my twins were born 9 weeks ago.

I feel petty and silly complaining about it, but my tummy is simply awful. It looks as if I have been run over by a lawn mower. The stretchmarks are from above my belly button right down to my c-section scar and I have a major overhang/pouch. I actually weigh less than before I was pregnant so I know it's not the weight.

I have never been majorly keen on my looks but I feel I could never stand naked in front of someone again. I can't stand to look in the shower mirror in the morning. My breasts are still a good size and haven't sagged too much but the marks start almost immediately below :(

I know there are all sorts of remedies on the market but I'm not convinced. I'll try them but I feel I'm stuck with it. It must be much easier for those with partners who accept them as they are even if their postnatal body is not perfect, because they have shared the pregnancy and their baby together.

I knew that pregnancy would bring about some changes, but not so drastic. Has anyone else felt similarly?

It is very early days! My neighbour mistook me for being in late pregnancy about two months after I gave birth. I now wear the same size ten clothes as before.

Don't diet, don't rush yourself. Just look after yourself and enjoy your precious babies. Running around after twins will have the weight dropping off soon enough!

Stretch marks fade. But it does take a few months.

They are really red/purple - is this normal?

I also had that one after the birth of people asking when my baby was due (ie strangers in the hospital. Really not funny 2 months later!) I think people don't talk enough about what to expect postnatally. You hear about pregnancy and labour a lot, but not the aftermath.

I'm not dieting - always been crap at that. It just fell off because I wasn't eating much in the first month, but I only put on a stone when I was pregnant anyway which was pretty much all them.

I'm wearing a size 10 too, but I just don't look the same, my tummy is kind of hollow in the middle :(

OP

Please don't be too hard in yourself. Your tummy will almost certainly not stay looking like the way it does now. Something similar happened to me and like you I was mortified but it takes a good few months after the birth for your tummy to sort itself out. Yes you will still have stretch marks but they will definitely not look anywhere as angry as they do now. The texture of your tummy will also improve greatly.

My stretch marks are hardly recognisable now but upon close inspection (v.close) they can be seen. I like to think of them as a badge of honour for carrying my DC!

Also in years gone by I believe they recommended cream to reduce stretch marks appearance but now I'm certain there is some laser surgery you can have to get rid if them completely.

So don't despair in a few months there will be a vast improvement, yes your tummy will look different but nowhere near what it looks like now!

You probably have a diastasis recti (separation of your tummy muscles) which you can improve a lot with specific exercises. I'm doing Mutu system which is a 12 week program of core exercises and interval training to sort out my mum tum after 3 babies (1 at a time though, and I'm not back to prepreg weight 4m on, so respect to mother of twins!) The stretch marks will fade to silvery over time. I haven't had an issue with them but heard lots of people saying Bio Oil is good.
I don't think many women go through pregnancy and escape unscathed, and it would help if there was more honesty about post-natal bodies. I was pretty horrified after baby 1, but it does improve with time. Be proud of all your body has achieved and think of it with kindness. Anyone you care to get naked with is likely to be much less bothered than you are, most of us are our own worst critic.

Honestly it takes so much time to recover from pregnancy and birth. Take it slowly. I think it takes a year for your body to fully recover, but noticeable changes do happen.
Go for lots of walks with your lovely babies. Pilates is brilliant for toning up your core and body and very easy to do at home.

A definite TMI warning.

2 babies 18mths apart left my tummy ok but my undercarriage like chopped liver. Ripped-stitched-ripped and stitched again!! I have varicose veins in my vulva (still makes me laugh to say that) and a downstairs I don't recognise - - not that I'd studied it in great detail - -

My point is you don't like your tummy, I don't like my 'bits' someone else's books will be saggy, but we're all mum's and have done something amazing, you more so with twins

I used the Cocoa Butter Stretch mark cream when I was pregnant every day and I think it helped, I didn't get stretch marks on my tummy but I don't know if that was luck or a mixture of that and Bio Oil! I get quite tight and dry skin generally and when I up my water intake it clears up on it's own. An awful lot of the very expensive stretch mark/ cellulite lotions are either very oily or very thick or greasy so you have to rub rub rub them to absorb them and in my opinion it's that rather than the actual ingredients that makes a difference. I know someone who had terribly bad stretch marks after giving birth (both times!) And can now wear a bikini on holiday and she used oils religously. Someone in my family gained and lost a lot of weight and had red and purple stretch marks and she got rid of them with Bio Oil. I've given up on it personally, I get the same results on my post pregnancy stretch marks on my boobs with baby oil.
Either way you've had 2 babies in one go and your body is going to be different after that. If you meet a man who won't accept you just as you are he's not worth worrying about! Easy to say I know but it's true!
Congratulations on your babies, anyone who is a single mum with 9wo twins is a bloody superwoman in my books!

I had twins, I know what you mean. A tummy tuck was my only solution, I'm sorry to say.

That said, a nice bloke would be able to get past it. Xx

It is really early days, I know it sounds corny but you really do need to be kind to yourself. This website helped me feel a lot more positive about things at the same stage:

theshapeofamother.com

I had twins. I had the same feelings as you. I still get down sometimes but my stomach did shrink back a lot. The stretch marks will fade significantly. Stomach may not be super toned and flat but to be honest I personally don't know anyone in RL whose stomach is toned and flat after one baby let alone two. And my husband didn't bat an eyelid when we first got together. Chin up

Oh OP - It's only been five weeks. That is no time at all.

It took you nine months for your body to change with pregnancy - give it at least that much time to recover.

You could try speaking to your doctor about whether you have diastasis recti - which is very common with multiples, especially if you were slim to begin with (apparently). The programme someone mentioned above has good reviews.

You could also try a belly bandit, or other type of compression garment for your stomach. Apparently it is helpful, but I don't know really...

If it helps, you could try looking at post partum videos on youtubes for mothers of twins. There is this lady who had identical twins (smooth pregnancy, vaginal delivery for both), and because of how she gave birth she recovered pretty quickly.

There's no point "comparing" yourself, but it might be interesting for you to see that your body DOES keep changing.

Also worth bearing in mind that this woman doesn't do any exercise at all, other than walking around. So these changes are just pretty much what her body has done on it's own.

My twins are 7 months old and I was similarly despairing post birth. Still have a bit of a stomach and stretch marks but has drastically improved on it's own-probably took about 4 months. Just lots of walking but no specific exercise (who has time with twins!) hope you're ok-the first few months with twins are, in every way, extremely hard but things do get better :-)

You're being way too hard on yourself, you're only 9 weeks postpartum and you've had twins and a c-section. Unfortunately, c-sections can do a number on your stomach muscles but this can be improved over time with exercises. It sounds like it could be diastasis recti as well so I'd start doing gentle exercises.

Your body takes 18 months to recover from pregnancy, so 9 weeks is nothing. And yes, sadly red/purple stretch marks is very normal but they will fade to a silvery white over time. I've never had a baby so can't speak for pregnancy stretch marks but I've had stretch marks on my legs where I looked like I'd been mauled by a cat. I thought they were never going to fade but they did. It took at least a year for them to fade though.

If it's really bothering you I'd go and see your GP to see if your stomach muscles have separated and then get a referral to a physio. But please be kind to yourself, I doubt anyone looks like a model 9 weeks after having twins (and if they do it's either because they've been photoshopped or they spend their lives in a gym).

Congratulations on your twins! I would definitely recommend a physio. I had separated tummy muscles and finally joined a gym this year and had an exercise programme to follow written by a lady with experience in post natal exercise. It made a big difference but by no means perfect.

Just two sessions with a physio and a selection of exercises to follow and its made a massive difference. It cost £35 for an hour and worth every penny.

Also if you can start massaging your scar (only if it's healed obviously). From my physio I can now tell that the badly done stitching on my section has created scar tissue between my skin and the muscles below it on one side of my scar. I'm massaging now to break it down but after more than two years I probably won't get very far. You're in a much better position as it's still early days for you.

It's so early! Your body feels like it belongs to a stranger after you have a baby. It takes much longer for everything to get back to normal.
Of course, it will probably be a new normal. I made my peace with the fact that my body now tells a few more stories than it used to! But compared with how it was just a few weeks after birth, it looks alright.