Living on £130 a week

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Please, please don't flame me.

I think my marriage is over.

As a result, I think I will have to live off benefits, at least for a while. Entitled to has calculated our weekly income at £150 (TC and CB) and HB at £80.

To get a small flat in my relatively local area is £100 pw at the cheapest that I've found so far.

I am on maternity leave. I have a 2 week old and a toddler. The intent was to resign at the end of the mat leave and be a sahm. Clearly that is out the window, but I don't know if I can keep my current job, as it is a 70 odd hour week across various shifts (retail management).

Is living off £130 a week for food and utilities doable? I am completely at a loss and don't know where to turn, but I can't stay in an appalling marriage because of finances. I don't want to rely on STBXH giving us money though of course I hope he will contribute something.

We have a house which will need to be sold, and any equity in it will go to paying off the huge penalty for ending our mortgage early. Chances are we will lose money. No other assets.

Help and opinions would be great. Thanks.

Oh you poor love. I'm sorry you're having such troubles and would advise anyone who is in a bad marriage to get out of it. You may not be better off financially in the short term but in the long term it's worth it and I'm not just talking out of my arsehole here but with lived experience - partner left me while pregnant, got made redundant while on maternity leave, but actually being without my ex was the making of me and I loved my son's early months, despite all the financial shit, because I was away from the drama and trauma of a failing relationship. £130 is tight for three, but doable, especially while one of the the three is a baby and the other is just a toddler, if you take a bit of time off away from work. There are things that are easier if you're not working - hunting down bargains, going to second hand shops etc. Also I'm pretty sure you can get food vouchers still - get a couple of quid off your week's shopping for fruit and veg. Do you have anyone that could help with childcare for your shifts if you decide to carry on working? And don't discount money from your ex - he has a responsibility to support his children, so don't think of it as something he gives to you but something that he gives to them which you are custodian of.

So sorry OP. I've read a lot on Relationships about situations like this in terms of housing/finances. I think you will get more replies if you move your thread to there ...

OP you will be entitled to income support as well because of having children under 5. I think its roughly 70 pounds a week.

Before I met my DP I was on benefits too after being made redundant. I was careful in my budgeting and spent as little as possible and managed to squirrel away a bit of money to afford a little day out each month. Simple things like bulking out meal with veg and pulses or putting on a jumper instead of turning the heating up.
Its probably best to go to citizens advice and have a chat, they will make sure you get all yout entitled too including the warmer home grant etc.
Best of luck

You will get more than that. Maybe someone here can elaborate but I think it's more like £200 PW.

Could you not stay in the family home?

Could you return to work and put the dc is nursery maybe

Your DCs are your stbex's responsibility too, and they have a right to see him so that could be part of a work solution i.e. he sees them while you are working. Am guessing weekends, evenings are part of the deal in your job?

You also have a right to ask for flexible working so all is not lost. Plus you are on maternity leave so have a bit of time to think things through. Now you've made one big decision about the end of the marriage, then don't think you have to have the rest - finances, housing, practicalities all sorted asap. Plan, consider and find out as much as you can. Obviously benefits are the bottom line and yes, it's doable, but give yourself space and also think ahead to how old the DCs will be when the maternity leave ends and what they'll be up to. If older DC will get some free nursery hours (with food), being economical now, building networks with other single parents/other mums/family

Yes you'll definitely get income support too, it's not as desperate as it seems .

Your ex is going to have to pay too. Whether he likes it or not, however I know how scary it us to approach a nasty abusive man on the subject of money!

You'll get free prescriptions and dental treatment etc, which doesn't seem like much but is a real relief when those things become necessary.

Don't forget child maintenance too.

Get legal advice!

who says the house has to be sold? Do not look on child support from your STBXH as a 'gift' which he may or may not give you. Its your right to have it, fight tooth and nail for it and do not give up! (although if he's a total arse it may take an age and be difficult)

Get a second opinion on your benefits advice.

Check out the MSE website for all sorts of moneysaving tips. As for your original question, can you live on £130pw, i suspect it would be very tough but do able.

You may be better off staying in the house if neither of you will get anything if it is sold. If your STBXH doesn't agree to that willingly, you can apply for a Mesher order, where you and the children can stay in the house until the youngest leaves full time education.

Take the mortgage agreement to CAB. The bank may waive the penalty clause under certain circumstances - you buy a new house and take out a new mortgage with them or you change to a different product with them, such as an interest only mortgage., or they may "add it on" to the new mortgage so you don't have to pay it now (more expensive in the long run but if you have no choice...).

Changing to an interest only mortgage for now could be helpful. If you get income support (which you should), you can get support for mortgage interest payments instead of housing benefit for rent.

Before you make any decisions about moving out, talk to CAB and a lawyer about what you are likely to get in the financial settlement/maintenance and benefit entitlements. Do your own research too - if you ask CAB for advice on benefit entitlements if you move into a flat etc, that is what they will give you, they may not think to tell you that there are other options if you don't ask.

I am no expert sorry but I also agree that you will be entitled to more than just the £130 ML pay in your situation.

Leaving an abusive relationship puts you at the top of the list for social housing.

Speak to experts! Women's aid will be able to point you in the right direction, too.

Hi, thanks for all replies. Kids are asleep at the same time for once so I have a chance to reply.

I have moved this to relationships as suggested.

Ok, entitled to said I wouldn't get income support, no idea why. My mat pay will run out in march and the figures I put in my OP are for when I not longer get mat pay. It could easily take that long to sort the house.

I have no childcare. Closest relative is 45 mins away, works shifts, and tbh has never watched a toddler alone anyway. My parents live abroad.

If I go back to work, (flex working declined already for various reasons) it can be very unexpected shifts, e.g. I will be scheduled on a 7-4 and still not have left come 10pm. The days off are also irregular and subject to change. This makes childcare very difficult. When we planned our family it was with the knowledge I would be leaving that job so this has really thrown me.

It would be lovely to keep the house but it's a big 4 bed with a matching mortgage, certainly STBXH wouldn't be able to cover the mortgage alone.

STBXH is not abusive, it's just a shitty marriage.

I appreciate all advice and will definitely be going to cab and a solicitor. I'm at the start of what I think will be a horrible journey.

How did you manage to do the job when you had the child?

I wouldnt rule out going back to work, it could be possible with two nannys working opposite shifts to each other.

That post was suppose to say

How did you manage to do your job when you just had the one child?

I didn't go back between maternity leaves, they put me onto sick leave due to losing a baby to stillbirth the year before. The request for flex working was done before getting pregnant again.

How much does a nanny charge for full time? I don't earn anything brilliant.

Depends what area you are in. A quick google will tell you. Also have you considered an au pair or mothers help. They are quite cheap compared to childcare costs but would obviously require a room in your home

Youll get tax credits to help with child care if you're below a certain income (I think you get some help up until 30 or 40 k but could be wrong)

Sorry you're going through this op. make sure you look after yourself, lean on your friends and family for moral support.

Make it your stbxh problem too. He'll have to stress about childcare and he should be worrying about what standard of life they'll have too.

Thanks for still replying. Head is in a tailspin and I really don't know what to do for the best.

I never envisaged working in a job which would keep me from my kids 70 hours a week. For that reason alone, I feel unable to keep it on, let alone the other reasons behind my original decision to leave.

I think I will be job hunting over the next 7 months.

Will WTCS cover a nanny then? I for some reason thought it was just government registered childcare. I don't think I could use a nursery or cm due to out of hours, and I think the hours I need would be too much for an au pair. We are talking about 3 weekdays (flexible) from 6am-11pm potentially, for an 8 month old and a 26 month old.

God the thought of leaving them is breaking my heart. I wish my marriage could work.

Oh STBXH does worry about their standard of life, telling me how awful it will be if I leave and have to work/live on benefits, and how we are better as a family and he doesn't want it to be like this.

It is very difficult to hear,