What Does This Mean

[Confused64]

I have name changed for thus thread. Am confused about my boss and his recent comments. I am hoping that you wise ladies are going tell me I am reading too much into this. Is the following normal:

He looked at my HR file to find out my year of birth. Told me that he had looked it up and then told me what our age gap is.

I went on a three day business trip. He was also going on a business trip at the same time and he told me he would be thinking of me.

Always smiles as he walks past my desk and sometimes stops does a funny dance smile thing and then walks off.

Emails me late at night to have banter.

There are other things but I don't want to out myself.

I have a tendancy to over think things and I hoping you are all going to say he is just being friendly and that he feels comfortable with me.

I don't want anything to happen but it is starting to effect how I am around him. Nervous and conscience and I don't want to be.

He fancies you.

nope, thats weird. I have lots of male friends, see nothing wrong with it, but the "thinking of you" bit is definitely odd. Does HE have a boss? Do you have an HR dept you can approach about this? Or, if you wan to go for a less "official" approach you could start gossiping loudly about your amazing new relationship and how loved up you are. Might either put him off or flush him out into the open at which point you can tell him no thanks.

Thanks so much for your comments. Sorry about the typos and spelling errors. On a train and nervous typing this.

He is a lovely man. We get on great and I enjoy working with him. Its just recently things have been different. I am friendly and I think he is just being nice back.

Are there other signs that I should look out for?

I really appreciate all your comments.

Are you married? Is he married?

Sorry, are either of you in a relationship?

He's your boss, be very careful.

The most unlikely men can be unpleasant if rejected.

Personal gifts, not just a box of chocs to say thank you - but ones that you have mentioned as a favourite or tricky to get.

Also excuses to meet up out of work, bumping into each other on a hobby, friending on Facebook etc.

A general trend of talking non work subjects out of work (the late night emails).

I'm afraid that if you don't want the attention you need to withdraw quite quickly from all the familiarity type behaviour which is really tricky when they are your boss, but start off by not replying to non work questions outside of work or delaying answering ?

I had a bit similar with a co-worker that I thought was a good friendship, but it started to stray into unintentional emotional affair type stuff which I never wanted in a million years, I left the company pretty smartish on my terms.

However, if you do want it to go further (and neither of you are attached) go very very carefully.
But yeah he "likes" you.

Yes which is why I was hoping you would say i was reading more to this than there is.

We work well together but the recent comments have been playing on my mind and have meant I have withdrawn. I am a lot more conscious in what I say so as to keep the lines clear.

Sorry that was yes to us being married.

I'd say that your Spidey senses tingling is something to take notice of.

I really don't want to be alarmist, but you may want to have an informal meeting with hr (if you have one) depending on whats concerning you so far. They are well used to dealing with these situations especially in larger companies and they can give some direction as to how best to cool back down to a work relationship.

Also consider other members of the team, if your are receiving preferential treatment it can really rankle.

If you don't want to talk to hr, is there a very trusted friend you can talk to in work?

I have a friend who i have confided in and she says his behaviour is odd but she thinks I make him laugh and smile and he is a bit bored and likes my company.

The reason why I think I am reading too much into it is that he knows I am married and he is married.

He would never cross the line with presents. Sometimes when he makes an odd comment he gets cold immediately after.

He fancies you and is putting out the feelers

Chop those feelers right off (as it were) or this is heading for trouble

and I am afraid it is much more likely you will be the one that gets punished

There is an Irish comedian that I like. He asked me if I had a thing for Irish men. Then the next day we were talking about work and at the end he said English is best isn't it and i just looked at him in a confused way and he looked embarresed. Is that odd or is he just bad at humour?

Thanks Any. Your advice is second to none. Noted what you have all said and I will cut all non work stuff dead.

You find him nice to work for but have noticed something has changed to the extent you now feel awkward.

To start with I would become conspicuously busy, and keep chat to a smile and quick hello then back to work. Maybe develop mentionitis around your boss about your husband.

Unnecessary, letting you know he has looked up the age gap between you, and emailing you trivia out of work hours is not appropriate.

Good plan. Incidentally, what does your husband think about this ?

I think you quite like him too or the attention..otherwise you wouldn't be thinking about it so much.You might not want to do anything about it but you know it's gone beyond innocent remarks..otherwise you wouldn't be posting about it.Not blaming you..it's just how that comes across.Imagine your husband in your position/ your bosses position...does that feel Ok? I guess not so I would just go back to nothing but professional with him..he clearly can't handle friendship on its own terms.

The looking up your year of birth thing is crossing professional boundaries and he is making a mistake there. In your situation, I would be keeping a note of that and other times you think he has done something that an employment tribunal would view very seriously. Just in case, like.

The looking up of your age, then telling you about it strikes me as creepy.

I would normally advise what the PP suggested, keeping things unofficial while gently rebuffing him, but this additional level of creepiness has me thinking otherwise.

Is he your immediate supervisor? Could he potentially turn nasty and make things difficult for you, say at your annual review (or whatever equivalent your company has) if you turn him down?

I hope I'm barking up the wrong tree here, but I would say there needs to be an official record of this behaviour just in case you need it at a later date.

Cross post with AF; you're way ahead of me!

Nah, just a fast typer

typist ?

I had a similar thing to this many many years ago.
I dropped a note to HR but asked them not to open it and it be kept in the safe ( I put it in an envelope in an envelope in an envelope) The head of HR had a fair idea what it was about as she had seen the signs. It went pear shaped and he tried to get me moved etc. It was horrible but...because they had my letter from months ago which was me basically stating that he had crossed the line and not respecting boundaries etc. low grade sexual harassment and I had quoted some of the things he had said, they moved him instead!

Maybe go for a 'halfway house' approach like this instead of either putting up or shutting up or actually reporting him. I felt a bit more secure as I had it as an insurance policy IYSWIM. It may ultimately save your job. You don't have to use it, you can ask for it back unopened at any time.

Wow, that shows great presence of mind, dinnae