He wants to take things slow..

[Juliejools89]

I posted a few weeks back about the man I'm dating long distance.
He is currently looking for work outside his family's pub as he feels out of control with being asked to work at the drop of a hat and not being able to commit proper time to see me/arrange visits.

He was off on Saturday so he took me to the pub and introduced me to his mum and brothers and it was all very nice.

We then talked about 'us' and what our expectations were. I was staying in a hotel with work that evening and said he was more than welcome to come back, to which he said he really wanted to but couldn't as it wouldn't be 'proper'.

He is a religious man, has only been in one long term relationship and slept with one other lady. I find this wonderful and refreshing, but have no experience in ever having a guy want to wait. I believe in having a connection with a man before we sleep together and nearly 3 months in I feel it with him. We have had sexual conversations and a couple of occasions we've been alone in private together it's evident how we make each other feel so I've no worries that we aren't attracted to each other.

He says he doesn't want us to be together for the first time in a hotel and that once he has a stable job with committed hours he'll come visit me instead of me coming to him and then he thinks it'll feel right for something to happen. Living above the pub with 3 other people makes him uncomfortable for us to be together there as everyone can hear.

I'm just wondering if anybody has ever had this- all I seem to experience with my friends are men moving super fast, so I'm a little thrown by this mans respect for me. Don't get me wrong, it's lovely, and he seems keen to build a foundation which he said his previous relationship lacked, but just wanted others views :)

All this proper stuff is a lot of nonsense. If he was really proper he'd be proposing marriage. But honestly I'd proceed with caution or not proceed at all.

Pompodd - we are both divorced and of equal seniority, so I don't really think the company would have minded. 'Outing' ourselves would have caused a lot of gossip, which neither of us wanted, so I agreed with him totally about the need for discretion. However, discretion is one thing; being downright paranoid like he was is quite another. If he'd told me in advance about his 'no hotel nookie' rule I would have thought it odd, but known what to expect. As it was, I ended up feeling upset and rejected.

The irony is that a group of us went out for a meal on the middle evening and he ended up leaning over me and invading my personal space in a way that made it blindingly obvious to anyone who noticed that we were more than just work colleagues!

Yep, tiny cock and erectile dysfunction are where I've come across the 'I want to wait until I get to know' you scenario, but low libido and being gay are also contenders.

In the former two I think it's because they want you to be fully emotionally invested before the disappointment, so you're less likely to talk away (we're talking tiny cock here).

You can end up feeling faintly tarty yourself - actually I didn't mind that, if tarty means 'up for it', then I was!

Just to add to PP's points, respect and "wanting to rip your clothes off" are not mutually exclusive.

When DP and I first got together he treated me with nothing but respect, but I was in absolutely no doubt that he fancied me like hell and couldn't wait for the opportunity to drag me home when I was ready . FWIW, we were 2 months in when I did feel ready and it was totally right for both of us.

I just worry that you're getting a bit black and white - "I'm just wondering if anybody has ever had this- all I seem to experience with my friends are men moving super fast, so I'm a little thrown by this mans respect for me". It's not an either/or - you can have both.

Ugh, sorry, italics fail...