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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I still love my ex. Should I tell him?

13 replies

blondie1000 · 29/09/2014 00:16

Ok so i was with my ex for just under five years, we lived together. He broke up with me in April, both of us were unhappy in our jobs, and we were working opposite hours, barely saw each other, he said it wasn't working anymore and he didn't feel the way about me he used to. We both cried then he left. I was in bits for about a fortnight then slowly started picking myself up again.

About five months later he came back to the flat because our contract ended and we needed to move out. It was the first time I'd seen him since we split up and any text contact had been minimal. It was so weird, we chatted, we laughed, we had so much to catch up on.. it was like we were still a couple. And then the inevitable happened... The next day he got me to the train station. Hugged me goodbye, he held on for longer than what most hugs last and told me to call him anytime, even if I just needed a chat. (he always hated phone calls so i found that weird)

This was like a month ago, I messaged him a few times, its been about two weeks now since we spoke and i sent the last message, he never replied.

i really still love him. Do i tell him? or will i look like a nutter? the way he acted when i saw him made me think he might have wanted me back but why didnt he reply to my last message.

Im so confused.

OP posts:
BOFster · 29/09/2014 00:17

He didn't reply. That's your answer. Sorry.

AnyFucker · 29/09/2014 00:17

I wouldn't

If he wanted you, he would have replied to your last message

Don't demean yourself

Sounds like he enoyed that last shag (as did you) but it meant a lot less to him than it did to you

keep your self respect and let it lie now

Dirtybadger · 29/09/2014 00:19

He loved you. He cares about you. You have good memories. None of those things are the same as "he wants to start over", though. Perhaps as time had passed and he likes you (as a human being) he was hoping to build a platonic relationship? Far too early IMO but makes sense.

Don't tell him you love him. He's moving on (no reply, etc)- so should you. Enjoy yourself.

Drumdrum60 · 29/09/2014 00:22

You have read too much into the hug and chat . It's over so keep your dignity intact.

BOFster · 29/09/2014 01:39

You don't still love him, btw. You were both well onto the process of moving on, and you had even got past the crying stage after just a fortnight. You are just experiencing the hormonal nostalgia bonding thing of a shag with a familiar partner, and are trying to make it mean more than it is.

Keep your dignity and see it as your last hurrah.

blondie1000 · 29/09/2014 01:53

BOFster I would prefer it if you didn't tell me how I feel 'btw.' You have a really unpleasant tone.

Thanks everyone else who doesn't feel the need to be so preachy.

OP posts:
BOFster · 29/09/2014 02:48

Ok, I am sorry for that- I obviously got it wrong and got carried away with trying to put the situation in a box which would make sense. I really was trying to be helpful rather than unkind. I hope you work it out.

Roonerspism · 29/09/2014 02:55

I'm sorry. I wouldn't, because he didn't reply to your last text.

I also think the last hurrah meant more to you than it did to him, for this reason.

Move on gracefully Flowers

tallwivglasses · 29/09/2014 03:11

A noble reply from BOF there. OP tell him if it makes you feel better. If he doesn't respond at least you know where you stand. Be careful though or you could end up being used Sad

inlectorecumbit · 29/09/2014 08:44

BOF nailed the situation perfectly

AnyFucker · 29/09/2014 10:18

I am not seeing preachiness here. OP, you asked for opinions on your situation and you got considered replies.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 29/09/2014 10:26

It was like a blast from the past when you caught up with each other at the flat. No pressure. And for him perhaps 'the inevitable' was a really good note on which to draw a line under everything and part on good terms, no regrets.

I am sorry it left you confused and hoping to rekindle what you'd had. But I think from his point of view it's over.

getthefeckouttahere · 29/09/2014 14:05

ex sex!! Most of us have done it and with the perspective of distance can see it for what it was, familiarity, a slight yearning for what if, and a bit of validation that we weren't as shit/horrid as we made out when we split. However it rarely means more than that and the way the relationship played out and ended tended to be a more accurate reflection of how we were as a couple.

I'm glad you enjoyed it, but imo its time to let go emotionally and move on.

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