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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Sleeping on the sofa

28 replies

PerfectlyPosed · 28/09/2014 22:27

I'm 19 weeks pregnant and tonight I'm sleeping on the sofa because I can't stand to share a bed with my DP. What's he done, you ask? Absolutely nothing! I have been particularly hormonal this weekend and have reacted at everything and am now too stubborn to go back in and admit I'm wrong even though I know I'm not going to get a wink of sleep. I'm annoyed that he has let me go off and sleep on the sofa but, in his defence, I have used him as an emotional punchbag all day so I don't blame him for needing a break. I fell down the stairs yesterday and although I'm fine, I think it shook me up a bit and frightened me. Just asking for a bit of hand holding if anyone is around.

OP posts:
RRRJ83 · 28/09/2014 22:37

Can you bring yourself to override your stubbornness and head back in there. I'm sure he'll cut you some slack, that's what he's supposed to do. X

Original poster
PerfectlyPosed · 28/09/2014 22:38

I've just gone in there to get something and he's snoring away. Clearly not bothered.

OP posts:
HappyGoLuckyGirl · 28/09/2014 22:39

I think you should go in. Give him a big cuddle and say you're sorry and that you love him.

BobbyDazzler1 · 28/09/2014 22:39

Sorry for your bad week Sad
I sometimes give my Dh a hard time - especially when hormonal. Poor chap.
What you doing on the couch though? If you know you're wrong, say sorry. Make swallowing your pride, and not foolish pride, a hallmark of your relationship.
Say sorry and cuddle up where you belong.
Hell knows it'll be stress on legs when thy baby is born, so either you both admit you're wrong from time to time, or there'll be a lot of couch time ahead!!!

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 28/09/2014 22:40

x-post. wake him up. or better yet climb in next to him and snuggle up to him.

Men aren't like us women when it comes to arguing. My ex used to fall asleep mid-argument if he was tired. he couldn't help it.

Original poster
PerfectlyPosed · 28/09/2014 22:42

I tried that when I got into bed the first time and he just grunted at me and told me to shush. That's when I lost my temper and moved to the sofa. I'm more worried that if I go in there, I'll get wound up again. I guess I thought he might try and reason with me rather than letting me be uncomfortable. Childish I know but I'm out of control this weekend!

OP posts:
LuluJakey1 · 28/09/2014 22:45

Oh I completely sympathise. I am 26 weeks pregnant and I love DH to bits and he is so caring and loving. But there have been times in the last 16 weeks when him even being in the same room has irritated the life out of me. I have snapped at him, moved away from him if he has tried to touch me and ignored him. It has happened 3 times- once for a week. Every time I have felt really guilty and stressedby it and ended up in tears. I have slept in the spare room for several nights.

It must be hormones- I have no rational explanation for it otherwise. He has been really tolerant with me too.

Hasn't happened for the last month so am hoping it is over. I have been such a witch! Blush

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 28/09/2014 22:46

I can relate

I used to leave the room in a huff or crying whilst hoping he would follow me after a bit and not let me cry alone.

Never did. Fucker.

If you really feel bad just go and wake him up. Tell him you're very sorry and you need him to cuddle you and tell you he loves you. Cry. Men flail in the face of crying women.

tipsytrifle · 28/09/2014 22:50

You really should be trying for some sleep. Is the sofa comfy? Is there a better bed available? I can see your point about needing to avoid setting yourself off again. Some days and w/e are just better written off as disasters! Apologies and hugs as soon as you both can?

Original poster
PerfectlyPosed · 28/09/2014 22:50

He's by no means perfect but I know I have been completely unreasonable. All in all he has been incredibly patient. Before I got pregnant, he had a habit of storming off to the pub at the first sign of anything. Now, he pretty much just sticks it out and tries to reason with me. But when he does finally retaliate, I just see red.

I know I need to go back in there but I'm worried he's going to reject me and make me angry again.

OP posts:
VeryLittleGravitasIndeed · 28/09/2014 22:51

Not the kind of discussion to have in the middle of the night. Tomorrow at an appropriate point maybe go with "when you do x, it makes me feel y".

Best to get these things on the table now - I found that being pregnant made me much more aware of the dynamics of our relationship because I was planning how to fit a baby into it, but DH was far less aware of the "imminent baby" aspect (other than conceptually) for quite a while. You need to voice what you feel.

Original poster
PerfectlyPosed · 28/09/2014 22:52

Sofa is not uncomfortable but it's not my bed! And there are only very thin blinds so no chance of stopping the light coming through in the morning.

I need to man up and get back in there.

OP posts:
Original poster
PerfectlyPosed · 28/09/2014 22:55

We have been a lot more honest with each other recently but this weekend has been particularly hard. He worked all day yesterday and then went out in the evening so I just felt like we hadn't seen each other at all. And when I told him about my fall, he shrugged it off. I explained that it could have been really bad and it had frightened me but I still don't think he got it.

OP posts:
tipsytrifle · 28/09/2014 22:55

Then do that, quietly, calmly, sleeeepily ... tomorrow will be better.

FolkGirl · 28/09/2014 23:14

Oh, Perfectly it wasn't that he didn't get it, as such. More that, it didn't happen, so what's the point in dwelling on it?

In his head, you might as well have been saying, "but if I'd bounced too high on the trampoline I could have catapulted myself into space, landed on the moon and had no way of getting back down again".

It didn't happen. He doesn't want to talk about what could have happened. Because it didn't. You were ok and that's the bottom line.

FolkGirl · 28/09/2014 23:16

As for today, you've admitted you've been a grump. Either go in there, get into bed and put your arm around him. Or stay on the sofa for tonight, watch crap telly until you fall asleep and then apologise in the morning.

Original poster
PerfectlyPosed · 28/09/2014 23:17

You're so right. I'm obsessing over something that didn't even happen. Thank you x

OP posts:
FolkGirl · 28/09/2014 23:17

I Married the Waiter is about to start on ITV3+1.

I can heartily recommend it for it's WTF factor.

FolkGirl · 28/09/2014 23:18

In fact, it's probably worth spending the night on the sofa for...

Original poster
PerfectlyPosed · 28/09/2014 23:18

Ha I think I caught the end of that when it was on earlier in the week. Will have a look

OP posts:
Original poster
PerfectlyPosed · 28/09/2014 23:27

Well I went back in and tried to cuddle him. He asked what I was doing and I just said that I was sorry and could I have a cuddle and he said that he was sorry but he's too hot for cuddling (despite the fact that he's got all the covers over him). So I'm back on the sofa watching that programme. Thanks for the recommendation

OP posts:
FolkGirl · 28/09/2014 23:37

Well you did the right thing. And it is a warm night.

It's bonkers. It really is...

FolkGirl · 28/09/2014 23:38

And at least you both apologised. So you must be feeling better now.

Original poster
PerfectlyPosed · 28/09/2014 23:41

I think he was more apologising for the fact that he wouldn't cuddle rather than anything else.

Kicking myself that I even let it get this far. I need to learn when to stop. My mum was always telling me to count to 10 before reacting. I should definitely be taking that advice now.

OP posts:
tipsytrifle · 28/09/2014 23:50

I think he was simply apologising. Now stop this, dear heart ... can you see me smiling at you? Shhh ... settle down, watch weird TV and sleep Smile

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