need help to keep going

[conway]

My birthday today but having to carry on as normal as have started a divorce petition. we are still living in the same house and my DH is carrying on as if nothing has happened, in a way that is good as it means the kids are not any wiser but on the other hand I don't think he has come to terms with it,.It was so hard to sit around tonight having a family roast dinner as if nothing had happened. I couldn't help but feel sad that I am going to ruin this family time and hate myself for that.
I just wish that he could disappear out of my life but 6 months of this is unbearable and sometimes I feel as if I want to give up and carry on as we were. ( as that is the easier option)
Has anyone been through this and got through the other side and HOW?

None of us wants to go through difficult, tough times in our lives and during the days, weeks, months that they are occurring they can sometimes seem like an eternity.
If you have tried all you can to save this marriage but know for sure that it really is over then this painful journey has to be made.
If your OH does not want this divorce then it is understandable that he is in denial. We all use denial as a defence.
This family time is infact a lie as you are not happy, just pretending. You are not ruining it, you are simply altering it, out of necessity.
Although it doesn't feel like it right now, this difficult journey will end and a new chapter in your life will begin. Just stay strong and hold on.

Sorry but why are you "playing" happy families whilst starting a divorce?

If you are separated, which you need to be to get a divorce, surely you live separate lives. Even if you have to live in the same house for a while.

I can't see how it is better for the children for you to be living a lie like this. When are you planning to tell them? And how real will they take it if nothing has changed? They are probably not totally unaware, as there will be tension; they will just be very confused, and may be hiding their true feelings.

I'm very amicable with my ex, we still do stuff together with the kids sometimes and we're planning a holiday next year with DCs.

It's 5 years since separation and my DCs were so small they don't remember us being together though! He left me for someone else! But I let go and moved on, after a bit of counselling and ADs!

It does get better. You sound like you're behaving with integrity and being really grown up about this. If you can both manage to divorce amicably you're already on the home straight to a good amicable co parenting relationship post divorce and ensuring the DCs will be ok. It'll be a new normal but it'll be ok.

Don't let the guilt eat you up!

I read a great book called 'What About the Children'. Well worth a read.

I know other couples who've managed to live together until they could free up equity and the other person could move out. It's not ideal. But it's possible with open conversations with DCs about the future and trying to be civil.

Don't stay together because you think it's the easiest option.