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Original poster

How to break it to him

17 replies

shinysharkteeth · 28/09/2014 16:49

I have been going out with a new guy recently who is 10 years younger than me - he doesnt know how old I am and with my 49th birthday coming up in December, I don't know how to tell him how old I am. I know it shouldnt matter, and I look a lot younger than I am, but I just dont know how to say it.

Has anyone else been in this situation? It is a real fear as he is really special to me.

OP posts:
EBearhug · 28/09/2014 16:55

Have you just not told him your age, or have you lied and said you're younger than you are?

kaykayblue · 28/09/2014 16:58

If you genuinely care about him, then you will want him to know the truth about your age. I mean, he's already going to know that you are older than he is, unless you have been getting a ton of botox or whatever.

The reality is that he might want children, and if that's something you can't give him, then he deserves to know now so he can find someone else.

I know it's hard, but don't look at this from a selfish perspective.

Original poster
shinysharkteeth · 28/09/2014 17:12

I haven't lied, he hasnt asked so no need to say. My sons are early 20's, and he doesnt want any more. No, I havent had Botox, I just have good genes. He knows my ex husband is early 50's, so maybe he does have an idea, but just not 10 years older. It's making me miserable because I like him so much.

OP posts:
Vitalstatistix · 28/09/2014 17:16

Do you have to announce it?

He hasn't asked. He probably doesn't give a shit.

If it comes up naturally in conversation, or he asks, then tell him. but not in an apologetic or ashamed way, just in a I am 49 this is no big deal way. Otherwise, don't worry about it. There's really no need for a big announcement.

FelicityGubbins · 28/09/2014 17:20

Ask him how he would feel about dating a 50 year old, if he says he would be fine with it tell him he will have to hang onto you for another 15 months, and if he says he's not sure how he would feel about it, tell him he has another 15 months to get used to the idea! Grin

Original poster
shinysharkteeth · 28/09/2014 17:25

My lovely family are throwing a party and I'm just dreading it. I mean, he's not even 40! I just dont want to make a big thing of it, but it's approaching like a runaway train...

OP posts:
Vitalstatistix · 28/09/2014 17:29

If it really matters to you to tell him then perhaps tell him that you are really looking forward to the party and you are wanting to plan something equally special for your 50th next year.

emberSept · 28/09/2014 17:31

If you have kids in their early 20s and an ex over 50 it's unlikely you're less than 45. I very much doubt he'll be shocked.

Original poster
shinysharkteeth · 28/09/2014 17:42

Thank you emberSept I was thinking or perhaps overthinking it wasnt I?

OP posts:
heyday · 28/09/2014 17:51

Sometimes we get ourselves really worked up about an issue only to find out that if wasn't such a big issue after all. I know you like him but I guess it's time to just get this over and done with but in a really casual way.
We live in an age-obsessed society but not everyone puts so much emphasis on it. Just tell him. If he wants out then say good riddance and then find yourself one of the numerous men who does appreciate and values a slightly older lady.

pippinleaf · 28/09/2014 17:54

I would think the reason he hasn't asked is because he has a pretty good idea and doesn't want you to feel uncomfortable about telling him. Get it out there and that's that out of the way.

NewEraNewMindset · 28/09/2014 17:58

Why not just talk about your 50th party and your plans etc as though he already knows. If he acts surprised you can act surprised too. I think that would be far better than sitting him down and announcing it like it's something to be ashamed of.

melw74 · 28/09/2014 18:11

I cant see how the age is going to matter. My husband is 22 years older than me, neither of us have a problem with it. Age is just a number and if he cares about you he will see past it.

Original poster
shinysharkteeth · 28/09/2014 18:57

melw74 I appreciate your view but you cant just apply it to everyone! However I agree that age is just a number, and I dont feel or look my age. Im always hit on by younger men but never really cared about any like I care about this one

OP posts:
Yama · 28/09/2014 19:06

I would imagine he has a fairly good idea of your age, given the information he has about you.

springydaffs · 28/09/2014 21:43

He's very probably wondered but, like you, doesn't know how to broach it. Elephant in the room!

Be uber casual about it - or he'll think it's a big thing for you which it is but don't let him know that . start as you mean to go on, don't let this be a big thing, bcs it isn't.

Good luck op, bite the bullet and get it over with.

UpUpAndAway123 · 28/09/2014 22:21

Really don't think it's an issue and he probably has an idea given age of your children. When you mention birthday plans he will probably just ask how old you are!
On my first date with DH, I knew he was 30 but I knew he didn't know my age (I was 19). He obviously wanted to know so casually brought up that it was nearly his birthday and he was creeping over 30 and then asked when my birthday was and how old was I.......I was a little bit tipsy and feeling mischievous and replied 'how old do you think?' His first guess was 25 and he got down to 20 before he looked a bit panicked and asked 'well how old are you then?'......think he was just praying that I didn't say 15! That was nearly 10 years agoSmile

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